


Gallavich mpreg

by Drago



Series: Pregnancy is overrated [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Abortion, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Chicken will be back, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Discussion of Abortion, Drug Abuse, Drugs, F/M, Family Bonding, Gangbang, Happy Ending, Infertility, Jealous!Ian, Lactation Kink, M/M, Male Lactation, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Omega!Mickey, Physical Abuse, Prostitution, Rough Sex, Sibling Bonding, Snowballing, Student Mickey, Suicide Attempt, Tattoo Artist Mickey, Teacher Ian, Trevor bashing in chapter 27 okay, chicken strikes back, dub-con, ian is a bit of a dick, junkie!Ian, older Ian, paramedic!Ian, royal au, royal family, tw: rape attempt, unprotected sex, younger Mickey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2018-05-10 08:04:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 42
Words: 77,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5577664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drago/pseuds/Drago
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian is thirty years old, and he definitely shouldn't be sleeping with one of his students.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mickey M, the prostitute

There is a guy working corner, his stomach big enough that a puffy, winter coat can’t hide it. Ian is too far away to see his face, but the belly he can’t miss. It’s Christmas Eve, and no one should be out working, especially like this. After everything, Ian is not a fan of whores, but he does pity them. It’s snowing, for God’s sake, and this poor guy is probably trying to make enough to have food for tomorrow.  
When he gets close enough to be heard, he speaks before thinking, and almost instantly regrets that he did, when he sees the hooker’s face. The following wave of shame makes him bite the inside of his cheek until it bleeds. Even in the warm, yellow street light Mickey’s face looks pale and hollow. His belly seems even bigger up close.  
“What do you want, Gallagher?” Mickey sounds a bit surprised, but other than that he doesn’t seem overly shaken by his ex-boyfriend’s sudden appearance. On the contrary, Ian feels shaken to the core.  
“I… what? What are you doing?”  
“Working.”  
“D… drug dealing?” he doesn’t know why he hesitates, he no longer is a shy child but a man, for better or worse, he’s seen enough not to be bothered by things like that.  
The older boy lets out an amused snort, “Yeah, right. Be real, Gallagher.”  
“Where do you live now? I heard…”  
“Somewhere else, with Iggy.”  
“Why?”  
Mickey has no reason to answer that, but he does. Maybe he is bored, it could be a slow night. He points at his bulging stomach, “Couldn’t stay there with that. Terry would kill me. Still might if he sees me anywhere.”  
“So you’re spending tomorrow with Iggy?”  
“No, he is working. I’ll probably work too. What are you doing, hmm? Chitchat, really?”  
“I just saw you and fuck. I don’t know. Do you want to come home with me? Take a break from working?”  
“And why would I want to do that?” It’s a good question. One Ian doesn’t have an answer to. Why would Mickey want anything from him? They aren’t anything anymore, Ian made sure of that. His life has been pretty bad after the break up, but then it got better, with help. Ian got better. So he found himself a new boyfriend, like he always did. Tried not to think about Mickey when Mandy called. Maybe if he allowed himself to think about it, he wouldn’t find his ex whoring himself.  
“Give yourself a break? Free food? Let your baby have few quiet days?”  
Mickey stares at him and then shrugs. Ian can’t believe that the older man wants to come with him, but he realizes it’s not because of him. Mickey’s eyes are dull, he looks completely exhausted. When they walk, Ian talks and talks, and talks, trying to fill the silence.  
“Is the other father contributing?” he clumsily asks at one point, and the pregnant man stops walking then, one pale hand resting on his belly.  
“Don’t. You don’t have to be a part of my son’s life, but don’t pretend he is not yours.”

After that they don't talk.

Fiona looks alarmed and surprised when she sees Mickey, and she doesn’t even try to hide it. Debbie though, Debbie is ecstatic.  
“You sleep in my room! I will sleep on a floor!”  
“What is he doing here?” Fiona asks, her eyes not leaving Mick.  
“I found him outside, near the Boystown, uh.”  
“Doing what?” she easily catches his hesitation.  
Before Ian can answer, Mickey beats him to it, completely unashamed in his honesty, “Waiting for clients. Yeah, Fiona, I’m getting fucked for money. The only thing I was ever good at,” the last part is said quietly, but they hear it anyway. Debbie drags the Milkovich away, and he doesn’t protest. Her company is better than theirs, Ian supposes.  
Fiona mutters something about being irrational, and suddenly it dawns on him, that his sister is worried about Mickey, not him.

“I was pregnant too,” Debbie reveals, her hands touching the smooth skin of Mick’s belly. Ian doesn’t mean to eavesdrop. He just can’t stop himself with the door not completely shut. “Fiona made me get rid of it. Which was a good idea, of course, but it wasn’t my choice.”  
“I decided to keep the baby, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”  
“Is that why they released you from prison?”  
“That and the fact I didn’t try to kill anyone.”  
Debbie laughs with mirth. Ian hasn’t heard her laugh like that in a long time. They used to be close, now she refuses to talk to him about anything important. He never thought it had anything to do with Mickey before, but maybe he’s been wrong. Debbie’s heart’s always been the biggest.  
“Why are you selling yourself?”  
“I dealt drugs and did other stuff for as long as I could, but good luck with doing it with a huge belly. No one would hire me once I started showing, I need to save up for later when I’m unable to work because of the baby. And it’s less dangerous.”  
“Can I visit when the baby is born? I will cook for you.”  
“Sure.”  
It’s Ian’s baby, he doesn’t even question it, yet it’s his sister who asks to be around it. He doesn’t know if he wants to be a dad. It’s not that he doesn’t love Mick, he will always love the other man, but he can barely take care of himself, and he’s never really thought about having babies. It’s always been an abstract thought only.  
His heart beats a little faster when he thinks about a tiny human inside Mickey.

The dinner next day would be fine, if it weren’t for Alan, Ian’s boyfriend. They met in Boystown, so Ian knows that the older man used to frequent the bars there, but he wasn’t aware that his boyfriend knows the corners so well. He is kind of proud of the way Mickey handles the jabs directed at him, mostly ignoring Alan, busying himself with food.  
“So the baby. Why would you keep some random john’s spawn? Gets you more money?”  
“Yes, that’s exactly why I kept him,” Mickey’s voice drips with sarcasm.  
Lip nudges Ian, obviously angry. The message is clear. Do something, or I will do it for you. Lip isn’t overly fond of the _old, pretentious fuck_ as he likes to call Alan.  
“What about STDs? Is it healthy? Or do you not care because you will leave it in the orphanage anyway?” has Alan always been such an annoying prick? Ian can’t tell. He thought that he found himself a mature, caring partner. What a joke.  
“The baby is a boy, Mick told you that already, so stop calling him ‘it’. I would also appreciate if you stopped insulting the father of my child and left.”  
Everyone stops talking to stare at them, only Debbie doesn’t seem bothered by the revelation. Mickey must have told her yesterday, or maybe she guessed.  
“It’s yours?! You haven’t fucking told you are having a baby with a whore?!” Alan shouts, already on his way to the door. Ian sees from the corner of his eye that Mickey decides to leave as well, but he directs his steps towards Debbie’s room and not the front door.  
“Yes, he is mine. Get the fuck out.”  
“Yeah, before I help you,” Lip growls and Carl nods rather enthusiastically.  
“Whatever. I don’t want to be a part of this.”  
Ian stares at the closed door wondering why he doesn’t feel like a failure. Yet another relationship gone. There has to be something fundamentally wrong with him if he can’t stay in a steady relationship for more than a few months. Well, that’s not quite true, what he had with Mickey…

Mickey is lying on his side, eyes closed and breath steady, but Ian knows he isn’t asleep. He still can tell. He takes a moment to just drink in the sight. He missed Mickey so much he suddenly feels like crying.  
“Are you okay?”  
“Fine, just tired. I will nap for a bit and then go home.”  
“Stay.”  
Mickey opens one unbelievably blue eye, and Ian almost crawls towards him, hands reaching for the belly. His baby.  
“I was an obnoxious little shit, but I’m better now. I know I need pills to function.“  
“You are sick.”  
Ian fights the urge to deny it. He doesn’t like it, but he is done with pretending that everything is fine, and he can lead a normal life without pills. Without them he is like Monica, and the right cocktail of pills makes him feel like Ian again.  
“I’m sick. I want to raise our son with you.”  
His attention is on Mickey’s face, so he doesn’t miss a small smile stretching the older man’s full lips.  
“I love you, I never stopped.”  
“What is love even?” the words are spoken so softly that he can’t take offense.  
“Love is you and me. It will be me holding your hand when you give birth, you nagging me to take pills in the morning. I changed.” Mickey doesn’t say anything for a while, and Ian worries it’s too little too late. Then Mick takes his hand to kiss it, pulls him higher for a proper kiss, and Ian thinks he’s been stupid to think that anyone could replace the other man. Mickey ruined him for other men.


	2. Fifteen years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to get the part 2 up tomorrow, it will be from Ian's POV. I promise you a happy ending which is more than Shameless writers can. Damn them all to hell.

Fifteen years. Mickey isn’t sure he can manage fifteen years. He is too young, too small, too inexperienced in comparison with other guys. Every day is a struggle, and he isn’t sure life is worth it. There is nothing waiting for him on the outside. Ian is… Mickey knows, Svetlana couldn’t hide it from him. He means nothing to Ian, he means nothing to everyone else.   
He feels like there is a choice he should make, but in the end the choice is made for him by Terry and his people who corner him in the bathroom and beat to a bloody pulp. This results in Mickey being put in the hospital because the damage is too big to be treated in prison. That’s how they discover he is almost three months pregnant, something he had no idea about. He threw up from time to time, but who wouldn’t with the quality of food they are given? The doctor tells him it’s a miracle that he didn’t miscarry, and Mickey has to agree. He can barely move, and when he does it’s extremely painful.   
What’s interesting is the way everyone starts acting once the pregnancy is confirmed. Namely, they are all kind to him, and it leads to his case being re-investigated. It’s amusing because no one cared before. He is a Milkovich after all, he has to be guilty of something. And he is. He sold illegal substances, carried illegal guns, but he’s never tried to murder anyone. By the time he is more or less healed he’s been cleared of all charges and released home.   
This poses a problem since he has no place he can call a home. As far as he knows Svetlana became real close with the Gallaghers, and he has no wish to be around them. He persuades her, using only a bit of force and a lot of guilt-tripping, not to tell anyone about his new flat, new job, new baby. Svetlana asks whether he is going to keep the baby, but that’s something he’s never even thought about. It’s his baby. He found it difficult to accept Yevgeny, but he already loves the one growing in his stomach. Even if it’s going to be a little redhead.  
At first he gets some menial job, as the bump steadily grows. It’s mind-numbingly boring, but pays the bills. Then one day a woman starts talking to him while he is doodling on a napkin, and at first he refuses to listen, already bored to tears with the other customers’ complaints, but she doesn’t let go. It turns out that her name is May, and she is a tattoo artist. He has no idea what about his doodling made her think that he could be good at creating tattoos, but accepts her job offer anyway. She doesn’t care that he is pregnant, she even promises to let him bring the baby to the studio.  
The job is ten times more interesting than anything he’s done before, they pay isn’t too bad, and May keeps her word when the baby comes. Mickey gets some time off to heal and adjust to a new situation, and then he starts bringing little Tommy with him. It’s safe enough, and he has no other choice.  
He likes his job, and no one is more surprised by this than him. He’s never thought that he will be able to have a job he actually enjoys, and the one that is not illegal. May says he is good at it. At drawing tattoos and then putting them on skin. He thinks his hand is too shaky, but when Tommy turns five months he is already allowed to work on clients who want something less intricate.   
He hasn’t seen Ian Gallagher in over a year, but he found himself. He realized that losing someone might be good even if it hurts. Before, Mickey Milkovich had no plans, no future and no life purpose. All he had was Ian, and that’s simply not enough.   
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss the younger man, but it gets easier with time. Time helped him understand that their love has been too dependant, designed to fail. 

The peace and quiet are new, he is still getting used to it when it shatters with the two young men who enter the studio around midday on a warm day in April. They are laughing about something, and it gives Mickey a few seconds to look at Ian. The younger man’s hair seems to be burning in a bright, spring sun, he isn’t overly thin or pale like he used to be when sick. Mickey feels touched by the big smile he used to love so much.   
He also knows the other guy, Adam, Mickey’s done a simple tattoo for him before.   
“Hey man, I brought a friend with me to show you the tattoos you do here, he wanted something for a while.”  
From the way they are looking at each other and stealing small touches Mickey can tell that ‘friend’ means a ‘boyfriend’. When Ian’s gaze finally falls on him the smile slowly disappears, replaced with shock. Mickey nods.  
“It’s cool, I will show you the samples. Tell me if anything catches your eye, but everything more complicated will be done by May,” it’s meant for Ian, but Mickey can’t find it in himself to look him in the eye. He brings out the samples and then goes back to drawing the tattoo he is supposed to finish by the end of tomorrow. He is quite satisfied with it and hopes that the client will be too. He’s never been big on flowers, but there is something about sunflowers that he likes, and the knowledge that he will be putting some on a big, burly guy brightens his day.  
“So I, uh, like this phoenix here, but I’d like to tweak it a bit,” a strong hand appears in Mickey’s line of sight with a drawing of a phoenix he did few weeks ago.  
“Sure, no problem. A bird again, huh,” it just slips out, and he quickly covers up by saying, “It will have to be done by May, but you can tell me now what you want to add, I will work on it and once you accept she will put it on your skin.” He is the one who designed it, but he isn’t sure he would be able to put all of the details on someone’s skin, especially Ian’s. Knowing May she will have him colour it, but he is fine with colouring.   
Ian tells him what he wants to change, Mickey sketches it quickly trying to give the other man an idea of what the final product will look like, and the redhead seems genuinely impressed. The whole exchange is so professional that it sets Mickey’s teeth on the edge, but he doesn’t say anything to ruin it. He has more control now.   
“It will be ready on Friday, and May has a free spot on Monday next week, three pm.”  
“You finish at eleven on Monday, right babe?” Mickey can almost feel Adam tense and then look at him quickly. When he doesn’t react in any way Adam relaxes again.  
“Yeah, it’s fine.”  
The both of them come on Friday and Mickey doesn’t have to change anything more. On Monday Ian comes alone, but May is already in the studio, so they don’t even talk.  
“Is that a baby crying?” he can hear Ian ask, and then May shouts, “Mick, Tommy is crying!”  
He goes to feed his son because the little bugger is always hungry at this time, and while he does it Ian’s voice reaches his ears again.  
“So… is that your baby?”  
May laughs so hard that Mickey can imagine her shake with joy the way she always does. He bets she has to stop working, seeing as she has no chill whatsoever. In the end Gallagher doesn’t get his answer, but May’s reaction must be more than enough.

Of course May makes him colour the tattoo. Her excuse is that she wants Mickey to learn better, but they both know it’s bullshit. For some reason she absolutely hates coloured tattoos and complains about them any chance she gets. Mickey doesn’t mind even though his tattoos are all black.   
He feels calm when he touches Ian’s skin. Maybe it’s because he knows that May is working on the studio’s books at the front desk, and they aren’t talking. The tattoo is on a shoulder blade, so Mickey can unashamedly stare at the half naked body. Ian looks really healthy, that’s everything Mickey’s ever wanted for him.   
Tommy starts complaining in the office, and it soon turns into crying. He hates the sound.   
“May. May! Where the fuck are you, Tommy is crying! Oh for fuck’s sake.”  
“You can go to him, it’s fine,” Ian says quietly, so Mickey goes.  
He is in the middle of changing a diaper when Ian speaks again, too close for his taste.   
“Is he yours?”   
Mickey only grunts, praying to God that the other man doesn’t pay too much attention to Tommy’s red hair. The boy is still too young to have any prominent facial features, but the red hair and the shape of Tommy’s eyes could be a dead giveaway. He looks up for a second, just in time to see Ian eyebrows raise and eyes open a bit wider.   
“Is he mine?” the younger man chokes out, and Mickey can’t even lie to him.  
“Yes.”  
“That’s why you’re not in prison.”  
He feels a spark or irritation, but he clamps down on it, “No. I’m not in prison because I didn’t fucking try to kill anyone.”  
“Can I hold him?”  
Mickey finishes dressing his son and then allows Ian to hold him. His hands start to shake when he watches Ian hug their son in amazement.   
“He is beautiful.”  
Mickey has to bite his lip to stop himself from saying that Tommy takes after Ian.


	3. There is nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian deserves it, okay. But Mickey is fine, being a single parent has to be hella hard.

A baby, huh.  
It’s so weird because Ian hasn’t allowed himself to even think about Mickey in over a year, then they meet again, there is a baby involved, and Mickey is so relaxed about everything, almost indifferent towards him. The reason why Ian hasn’t thought about the other man is because then he would have to admit, even if it was only to himself, to the damage and abuse he directed at Mickey. His therapist says it would do him good to embrace the past to be able to forgive himself for everything that happened, but he doesn’t feel strong enough yet. Maybe in a year or two, or more.  
When Adam dragged him to the tattoo studio he hasn’t thought it would have any impact on him other than a new tattoo, and now he has a son, and Mickey is back in his life. He doesn’t know how to feel about it, so he books an early appointment to talk it out with his therapist.

He comes back to the studio a week later because he doesn’t have Mickey’s number. May is busy with a client, so it’s just the two of them and Tommy sleeping in his father’s arms. It’s kind of cute, especially since Mickey’s body seems a little softer than it used to be. Not exactly surprising, he did give birth to a baby few months ago.  
“Before you say anything I want you to know that you are not obliged to be in Tommy’s life. You can go back to your life and forget about him. When I was filling the forms I wrote that the other parent is unknown, so you are safe.”  
“I… what? You didn’t put my name in there?”  
“No, I didn’t see any reason to.”  
It makes Ian feel like the shittiest person in the world, he used to complain about his absent mother, and now he doesn’t really exist as his child’s father. Granted, he hasn’t been informed about the birth, but there is a solid reason for that.  
“I want to be a part of Tommy’s life.”  
“Alright,” Mickey shrugs. “We will start with you hanging out at our place, just so I know that your head really is in this.”  
“I’m taking my pills.”  
“Still, we will start with that. You can come with your boyfriend if you want.” Ian realizes that Mickey is doing this to make him feel more comfortable. They won’t have to talk with Adam there. That’s exactly what Ian does for a few first meetings because he is a coward, and because he is simply afraid. He is allowed to be scared, after all he is still a teenager. Adam doesn’t even bat an eye when he tells him about the baby. Things like that happen all the time in their neighbourhood.  
Tommy is a sweet baby, doesn’t cry a whole lot and likes to be held. Mickey admits, ears red, that he sometimes falls asleep holding Tommy which is probably the reason why the boy is quite clingy. The flat isn’t the biggest, but Tommy already has a room even though it’s not in use yet. There are books on shelves which Ian finds surprising. He sees Mickey read few times, and even more often than that he sees the older man sketch which brings him to a conclusion that his phoenix has indeed been designed by Mickey. He never knew that the other man had any hidden talents. There are so many things he doesn’t know.  
He stops bringing Adam with him, but he still doesn’t talk with Mickey who gives him a lot of space, letting him bond with Tommy. While Ian appreciates that, it makes him want to talk beyond ‘he is fussy today’ or ‘you can give him a bath’. He is curious, so one time he brings Mickey’s favourite pizza which forces the older man to stay in the kitchen to eat. In complete silence, eyes glued to a new book.  
“I’m studying to be a physical therapist. Got my GED after everything and decided to do something useful,” Ian blurts out, unable to stand how quiet they are. “It’s definitely not military, but it’s useful.”  
“It sure is,” Mick admits, now looking at him. Ian doesn’t exactly know what he hoped for, but he doesn’t find it in the brilliant blue eyes.  
“I, um, I’m taking meds, doing therapy, I’m pretty good.”  
“I’m glad,” it’s neutral and void of any emotions as if they are two strangers eating in a fast food bar. Mickey is in complete control of his body, while Ian feels like he is going to start shouting, say something ugly just to get a reaction. He hates it.  
“You can take Tommy with you, the next time. Take him home,” Mickey suddenly says.  
“Oh. I still live at home.”  
“Cool, then Debbie can help you if you have any problems.”  
“I… I guess.”  
It means he has to tell his family, which he intended on doing at some indeterminate time because he expected it to take much longer. It seems that Mickey’s faith in him hasn’t diminished at all. It makes him cry when he goes to bed that night, fist pushed into his mouth to stifle any sounds that might escape.  
He tells the Gallaghers when Lip comes home for the weekend. Fiona just sighs, Lip shakes his head, and Debbie comments on his fucked up genes being transferred and expresses the hope that Mickey’s genes overpower his. He shows them the pictures he took, and before leaving Lip takes him on a side and tells him not to fuck up the good thing that Mickey apparently has going. It’s always good to know that he has his family’s support.  
Debbie and Liam fall in love with Tommy the second they meet him, and even Carl seems to soften when the baby gurgles. Fiona sighs again, and then admits that his son is quite cute.  
“I’m not giving any money for him,” she warns. It reminds him that he also isn’t paying for anything. Free time has to be nice, but he is sure Mickey could use some money. He gets turned down when he offers, the other man mumbling about doctors, pills and bills. He is right, everything is very expensive even with Ian’s part time job at a grocery store, but it doesn’t seem fair that Mickey has to cover all expenses.  
He gets around Mickey’s resistance by bringing food and diapers, most often leaving them in a studio since this is where the older man spends his days, they never meet in the evenings.  
“If I knew that you are Tommy’s father I would have fucked up your tattoo,” May says one day, calmly finishing the crossword.  
“You know I could sue you for that.”  
“If you think I’m afraid of a pansy little boy like you then you are up for a reality check.”  
He supposes she isn’t. She looks like a strong person, stronger than him. He knows that she helps Mickey a lot, that she’s been there for him when he needed it.  
“Why did you offer Mick a job?” he asks out of blue.  
“Sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith. I’m sure glad I did.” 

Ian knows that Mickey doesn’t have a boyfriend, the older man is completely dedicated to his role as a father and a tattoo artist. That’s quite admirable, but Ian wonders whether there are any other reasons. Has their relationship, Mick’s only real relationship, fucked the older man up so bad that he doesn’t want to date again? It this how you ruin people’s ability to emotionally connect with others?  
One Sunday Ian is a bit early, Tommy’s been weirdly uncooperative this weekend, and he suspects that the baby misses Mickey. So he decides to bring him back early. It gives him a chance to see a guy leaving Mick’s place. He is slightly taller than Ian, older too. Looks Italian or Spanish. The flat smells of sex and there are two used condoms in the thrash bin. He checks.  
“Got yourself a boyfriend?” Ian asks, his tone more aggressive than he intends it to be.  
“Just a hook up,” Mickey shrugs. Ian’s gaze lingers on the pale, naked shoulders and then slides down to the soft, but flat, belly. “Why are you early?”  
“Tommy missed you. Sorry for ruining the mood,” he snarls.  
“We were done,” the older man acts oblivious. “I’m not going to date anyone, not now, not when Tommy is so small. Maybe one day, but I’m not bringing anyone into this mess. If Terry ever sees me I’m as good as dead, so it’s enough that I have to worry about Tommy.”  
Of course Mickey associates being with someone with worrying, that’s all he’s been doing when they were together. Worrying about Terry finding out, worrying about Ian not taking his pills, worrying about not having enough money for them, worrying about Ian cheating on him with anyone with a dick.  
“Did you see Terry in prison?”  
“Sure I did,” Mick chuckles. “Beat the shit out of me, put me in a hospital for a few weeks.”  
“Weren’t you pregnant? You should be protected or something.”  
“Yeah, well, we only found out while they were treating my injuries. They couldn’t believe I didn’t lose the baby. But maybe it would‘ve been better.”  
Ian hugs Tommy so hard that the boy whimpers, and the older man takes him from Ian’s grasp, mistaking it for a sign of hunger. The baby shouldn’t be hungry since he’s been fed half an hour earlier, but he reaches for Mickey’s breast anyway. A pearly white drop appears at the nipple, and Ian’s throat gets dry.  
“You are a great father.”  
“I ‘m an okay dad,” Mick admits, rocking Tommy, and then adds quietly, “but it’s so hard.”  
Ian barely makes it outside before he cries, and for the first time in his life he thinks it would be easier if it was his disorder’s fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liked it? Clicky, clicky~


	4. Special way we (don't) fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please don't ask any uncomfortable questions, I don't even know how the whole milk thing happened. 
> 
> I wish I was an English native, eh.

The almost translucent white drop haunts him. He didn’t know that men could lactate, and he would have never thought that he would find the image arousing. And yet here he is, salivating at the mere thought of Mick dripping milk. He masturbates seven times in three days after that Sunday, and his mind is filled with images of Mickey lying on a bed, breasts bare and full of milk, thick thighs spread open invitingly . His fingers itch to touch the slightly puffy, rosy nubs, and it’s not something Ian wants to think about. The guilt is eating him from the inside, but he loses against his cock which traitorously thickens when he thinks about Mickey. Finally he does what he should have done ever since this madness has started. He goes to Adam, his bloody boyfriend, and fucks him into the bed, keeping his eyes open the whole time, so he doesn’t moan the wrong name. It’s not the same, it’s nothing like fucking Mickey who might have struggled with accepting his homosexuality, but always knew his own body so well, knew how to use it for both his and his partner’s pleasure. Adam is a good, sweet guy though, and Ian has no intension of hurting him. He has to prove to others, and to himself, that he can manage a normal, healthy relationship. He shouldn’t feel so drawn towards the ex-thug criminal, even if he is a father of Ian’s child.  
But his mind hates him, it’s nothing new, he’s known for years that he will always have to struggle with his own, fucked up brain. It most often betrays him at night, and he wakes up tangled in sheets soaked in sweat, underwear sticky with cum. He can fuck Adam all he wants, but it brings no relief. 

He jerks off before coming to pick up Tommy for the weekend.  
It does nothing to quell his arousal when Mickey opens the door in a white tank top with a slightly darker wet stain on one of the nipples. Mickey gestures for him to come in and then goes to the kitchen to clean the baby bottle.  
“I just finished feeding him, you will have to be careful, he probably already fell asleep.”  
Ian takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. He stares at the slope of Mick’s shoulders, at the new tattoos covering them, and his mind keeps replaying the milk stain. He finds himself pressed against the older man’s back, hands desperately tearing at the tank top. Even the ripping sound doesn’t stop him from pulling the straps down Mickey’s shoulders, starting from the bottom would be easier, but his mind is clouded by want. His whole body shudders when he finally cups Mickey’s taut, naked breasts and squeezes, making the older man groan. He can see the tiny droplets form, but the sight isn’t enough for him. He turns Mickey around, wraps his lips around one nipple sucking until he can really taste the milk. It makes him rock hard, so he grinds against the other man’s hips, pushing him into the cupboard.  
“Fuck,” he whimpers, his cock already weeping precome. His brain registers, at the periphery of awareness, that there is a hint of pain, but it isn’t until Mickey’s nails draw blood that he realizes that the older man is trying to push him away. He straightens up to be able to look Mick in the eyes, finding them ice cold and angry.  
“What the fuck Ian?”  
“You are so unbelievably sexy with your little titties leaking,” he whispers, not letting go. “I fucked my hand raw thinking about them.”  
“You mean you fucked your boyfriend raw,” Mickey scoffs and pushes with enough strength to make Ian stumble into the table.  
“You are so hot Mick,” Ian palms his dick through the pants, showing off its hardness and length.  
“Right. I’m hot,” it’s accompanied by a short, bitter laugh that makes Ian’s blood freeze. “Get out.”  
“I… I will just take Tommy with me and…”  
“No. Get out before I call the police.”  
“You can’t stop me from seeing my baby!”  
“I can, and I will, if you don’t leave. Get the fuck out and come back next week when your head is clear. I am not your bitch.”  
“Mick, I’m sor…”  
“Out!” Mickey throws a glass at him, and Ian understands that there is nothing he can say to make it better. He leaves, trying to make himself as small and unthreatening as he can. His erection finally gets a hint and deflates like a popped balloon.  
He goes straight to the bar, and for the first time in a year Ian gets completely, utterly plastered on cheap vodka and tequila. He hates both, but he also hates himself, so it seems like a suitable choice of drinks. In a drunken stupor he calls Lip, and by the time his brother drives all the way to the bar to pick him up, Ian is ready to more or less recount what happened.  
“But it’s his fault,” he mutters into the car’s window where he is resting his head. “For being so goddamn hot. Leading me on.”  
“Take responsibility for your fucking actions, will you?! Grow the fuck up. Yes, we all know you are sick, and we all feel very sorry for you, but it doesn’t give you the right to ruin the people around you,” Lip’s hands shake with anger when he lights a cigarette. “You are my brother, and I love you, but you can be such a selfish little prick. And that’s a lot coming from me, don’t you think? Fuck!”  
They almost crash into a lamp post, but Lip manages to swerve left at the last second. It doesn’t matter to Ian, he feels like he’s been hit anyway.


	5. It's coke for you, baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _This one is a continuation of Mickey who finds a stray, junkie!Ian, the previous parts are here[Pregnancy is overrated](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5194472)_
> 
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> 
> _In case you were wondering what do I do in my free time after I've had a really bad day_[I make art ](http://dragoslair.tumblr.com/post/137101368904/here-fucking-fixed-wasnt-that-difficult-if#notes) (no, it's not because I want you to follow me, there is nothing interesting there, I just wanted to share the result of my frustrations with you.) Yes, I left Liam because Mickey should just steal the kid and move to... to... to a happy place, help me out guys, I know nothing about happy states in the US.  
>  And nope, I'm not watching, not at all, but if something good happens with Mickey you can tell me. If not, I don't want to hear about it. :')

Ian doesn’t even last a week. He barely manages six days before Mickey is woken up in the middle of a night by a phone call. He rejects it at first, but then he sees the caller ID. Ian. Someone who is not Ian starts talking immediately after he answers, insisting that he should come to pick up the redhead. At least Ian is still at the Pink Elephant, it could be worse, he could be waiting in a ditch. Or in some slut’s house. It takes Mickey a while to reach the bar since he is no longer fast or nimble, so even leaving the bed and getting dressed poses a challenge. He manages to leave the house without waking Mandy which he counts as a win, she came home exhausted, and not everyone has to be involved in Ian’s drama.  
The last thing Mickey wants is to enter the sleazy bar full of alphas high on pheromones and drugs, but needs must. He has no idea how he is going to find the guy who called him, but it turns out to be the only thing he doesn’t have to worry about, because not five minutes after he enters the dreadful place someone gently pats his arm, and when he turns around he sees a tall, dark skinned beta who gasps when he sees Mickey’s belly.  
“I knew you were carrying a pup, but Jesus, never expected you to be this pregnant.” Mickey translates it as ‘really fucking huge’, but right now he has zero fucks to give about the way he looks.  
“Where is Ian?” it’s almost a growl, but the beta doesn’t seem overly bothered by his un-omega-like behaviour. If anything, he looks intrigued.  
“Here, let me show you. I realize that this place is known for drugs, but the boss really hates when the staff does it, especially when it’s done so obviously.”  
The beta looks so healthy that Mickey is sure he isn’t using. Ian though. Ian looks like death. His skin is clammy and has a gray hue to it, his hazel eyes are glassy and unfocused. Mickey is no saint, he’s done his share of drugs, but they never turned him into a lifeless corpse. They were supposed to be fun, how fun pretending to be dead is? Mickey’s joints are aching, and he can feel the headache approaching, he is so done with dumb redheads.  
“Fucking idiot,” he mutters, poking Ian’s arm. It’s not as cold as he thought it would be judging from the colour, but he still doesn’t get any reaction. Maybe he should try harder. He kicks the motionless figure. It’s the beta who yelps.  
“You are kind of lucky, you know, to have such a loyal alpha.” Mickey blinks at the other man without comprehension. “Ian has been working here for what, six days? The omegas just won’t leave him alone, but he keeps saying that he is taken, that he has a beautiful omega and a pup on the way. And earlier today, when he was more responsive, he called for you.”  
“Oh yes, I’m really lucky that the alpha who claims to care about me gets so high he can’t get home on his own.”  
The beta sighs, clearly seeing and accepting his point. He helps Mickey carry Ian to the cab but then has to get back to work, so the omega needs to ask the driver for help once they reach his house. He hates asking for help. Thankfully, the middle aged, bonded alpha offers without being asked, and it’s something Mickey can live with.  
In the bedroom, he works on an autopilot, removing Ian’s clothes and taking away all of the money the younger man has in his pockets. He finds a lot more than he expects, so someone had to give Ian the drugs for free. Probably some lovesick omega hoping it would make the alpha easier.  
He drags the armchair from the living room into his bedroom and settles in it, refusing to lie next to the unconscious alpha, but not wanting to leave him alone. He dozes off at one point and is woken up by a shivering hand caressing his cheeks. When his eyes open he sees Ian. Worn out, red-eyed Ian who freezes the second their eyes meet.  
“Six days, huh. Not even a whole fucking week.”  
“I’m so sorry, I should’ve listened to you,” the redhead’s fingers curl around his wrist, but Mickey tears it away from the alpha’s grasp.  
“You should have, but you didn’t. I hope the high was worth it.”  
The younger man shakes his head in denial and this time tries to touch the omega’s stomach. Mickey smacks his hand, hard.  
“Our dad cooked meth in the kitchen. Sometimes he would take it, but most of the time it was coke, heroin or good, ol’ alcohol for him. He would yell, hit us. Use us. I grew up surrounded by broken bottles and used needles, and it’s okay for me. It’s not like I’d ever do anything with my life. But I won’t let the same thing happen to my baby. I will sooner kill you than let you be around my baby while you are using. I said it before, one slip up is all I’m allowing since you didn’t fuck anyone, but you have to choose. It’s either a chance to be a father or drugs.”  
“No, no, God, no,” Ian paces the room, “it’s you, I will never touch any drugs again if you give me a chance.”  
Mickey nods, mostly in encouragement because he isn’t sure he believes the redhead. He can’t imagine the other man staying. He gives Ian a few months at most before he realizes that coke is better than any other relationship he can have. In many ways, coke is easier, but Mickey is willing to try. 

Mandy is in the kitchen, obviously waiting for Mickey. A plateful of sweet omelette with various fruit and Nutella is a dead giveaway. She is nice enough to wait until he’s had few bites before she starts talking. His dark circles must be bad if even Mandy takes pity on him.  
“I’m not sure if I’ve heard right, but did you just offer Ian your body in exchange for him getting clean?”  
“You’ve been eavesdropping?”  
“Of course I’ve been eavesdropping, how would I otherwise know what’s going on between the two of you?”  
“He tells you everything.”  
“He tells me a lot,” she corrects. “So?”  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
“I can’t decide whether I am impressed or appalled. I need to discuss it with Iggy.”  
“Jesus Christ.”  
She hits the back of his head with an open palm without putting all of her strength behind it, that’s how Mickey knows she doesn’t mean to really hurt him. It’s her way of showing affection when she doesn’t know what to say, growing up in a house full of men hasn’t been easy on her, and Mickey must be mad, but he actually finds it comforting.


	6. For you, for him

Tommy starts crying right after the front door closes behind Ian. Mickey goes through the motions of picking him up, rocking and whispering sweet nothings. The boy must be picking up on his distress because nothing works, and he keeps wailing even though his diaper is fresh and his belly full.   
Mickey sits on the bed and doesn’t even feel the first few tears which slide down his cheeks. Soon enough they are both crying, but only one of them is a pathetic fool. He tries to remember the last time he cried. All he remembers is Ian leaving, and leaving, and leaving. He never cried for his mom or sister, only Ian. He has to pull himself together soon, for the sake of his baby, but he allows himself a few more minutes of pointless crying. It would be better if Ian just stayed away without confusing him even more. Mickey can’t deny that he still feels something for Ian, he’s never been in love before, and even though he got rejected he has a hard time forgetting about the good things that happened.   
And Tommy doesn’t help. As much as Mickey loves his baby, he is a constant reminder of the dysfunctional relationship he’s had with Ian. 

May puts a symbol of endurance on a side of his neck. He thinks it’s a weird place for a tattoo that isn’t big enough to cover the whole free space, but she says it’s perfect. When he asks why she chose endurance she mutters something about bending not breaking, but Mickey isn’t sure he gets what she means. It’s a nice enough design, so he doesn’t complain much when it hurts like a bitch. He isn’t that big on putting tattoos on his own body. He has more than he used to have, but it’s mostly because of May who treats him as her canvas. If he let her do everything she wants he would be covered in tattoos from head to toe. She once tried to convince him that a cheekbone tattoo is a completely normal thing to have and that no one is going to pay much attention to it. He is pretty sure that his neighbours will call child services on him if he ever does that.   
Ian messages him once, but he couldn’t have told anyone about what happened because Adam comes for one more tattoo, and he doesn’t mention anything. He asks about Tommy, really interested in the boy’s well-being, and Mickey doesn’t understand how the other man isn’t at least a little bit pissed. At him, at Ian, at the situation itself. It makes him believe that Adam is a good, decent guy. Maybe a bit too goofy for Mickey’s taste, but maybe that’s exactly what Ian needs. Someone who isn’t as intense as Mickey, the complete opposite of him.   
He considers telling Adam about what Ian did, but it probably isn’t his place. The other man might not even believe him. They probably are happy, Gallagher’s behaviour must have been a mistake, maybe he wasn’t feeling so well.   
The thought that he might be a mistake is hard to swallow, even though he suspects that’s how the younger man feels anyway.

Despite the fact that Mickey didn’t text back Ian shows up on Friday evening with Debbie, Liam and Yev in tow. Mickey sees Yevgeny quite regularly, but he still gives him a big hug. He wishes he could live with both Tommy and Yev, but he can’t imagine living with Svetlana again. There is no place for her in his new life, and it seems that she feels the same.  
“I wasn’t sure I should come, but Debbie wouldn’t let me stay. She said that if I can’t bring Tommy to the house then she at least has to come to your place to play with him. She is babysitting Yev, and I honestly don’t know why Liam is here,” Ian explains, head slightly bowed.   
“That’s clever, I can’t kick you out now,” Mickey thinks he might be joking. He isn’t sure. “Long time no see Debs, Liam.”  
Liam hugs his legs, still short and scrawny, but Debbie just gives him a smile and touches his arm as if she is trying to convey something without saying it. Yet again, Mickey feels lost. He is even worse at the non-verbal communication than at the verbal one.  
“Tommy is so cute. I’m glad he looks like you so much.”  
“He has Ian’s hair,” and eyes, but saying this would make him feel even gayer than giving birth did.  
“Yeah, but thankfully that’s all he got from Ian.”  
Ian flinches, and Debbie takes Liam and Yev to play with Tommy.  
“She is… We’re not on very good terms,” Gallagher admits. There are many reasons for that, Mickey supposes. No one ever paid enough attention to the girl, it was bound to backfire sooner or later. Ian's erratic behaviour made her almost invisible in the Gallagher household, and Mickey always knew that for some reason Debbie liked him. Stupid, naïve, good girl.  
“I’m sorry about what I did last time.”  
“Yeah.”  
“I shouldn’t have… But I still stand by what I said. You are incredibly sexy and beautiful,” Ian’s long fingers come to rest on Mickey’s hip, caressing it lightly.   
“Adam is a great guy.”  
“Mick, you…”  
“You should stick to him. Seems like a dependable guy.”  
He moves out of Ian’s reach and then out of his line of sight. He should order something to eat. Chinese. Chinese will do.


	7. The return

Ian honestly thought that they were okay, but apparently he has no idea how to read the omega because few hours after the drug… accident Iggy stormed into the flat, helped Ian pack his things, dragged him to the car, and then drove him to a place that turned out to be the older Milkovich’s flat.  
Living with Iggy is not the worst punishment, he thinks.   
Then he almost gets mauled by the snarling beta, and Ian is really in no shape to fight, so he mostly stands and takes it. He isn’t quite sure he could take Iggy even if he was feeling better, Milkovich betas are something else.  
Being mauled isn’t the worst that could happen to him, he decides, once he discovers that there are drugs in the flat. They are not exactly lying around in the plain sight, but he knows they are there since Iggy is dealing weed and some harder stuff, he can just take them. It takes him few hours to realize that it’s the reason why he is staying here in the first place, and he almost hates Mickey before he remembers that it’s all on him. Mickey can’t coddle him all the time if they want to be equals. But Ian isn’t sure he won’t give in to the temptation.   
“Everyone expects you to fail,” Kitty, Iggy’s fierce girlfriend, admits. She looks like someone who spends a lot of time reading books, but she apparently has a real passion for gay clubs. She helped him get a job at Blank which he appreciates more than he can express.  
“Do they?” he asks, feigning disinterest.   
“Yep. I think Mandy and Iggy even have a bet.”  
“Who is betting on me succeeding?”  
“Oh, no one, they tried to guess when you are going to shoot up,” Kitty’s sharp eyes follow his every move when he pretends to be busy with the plates. It hurts, it simply fucking hurts. He used to be a dependable guy, and now no one can even show a hint of trust. The worst thing is that they have every right not to trust him.

He has to admit that working at Blank is so much better than at the Pink Elephant. He gets tipped better, people still hit on him, but no one shoves pills in his face. And the music is incomparably better, working is much more pleasant when he doesn’t have to listen to the psychotic techno.  
He tries not to think about Mickey all the time, but it’s almost impossible since there isn’t much he can do. His job doesn’t require him to think, he just has to stand there, mix drinks and look pretty. There is also nothing for him to do at Iggy’s. He can’t spend all of his time with Iggy and Kitty, they need some privacy as well, and he has no illusions about being great friends with them.   
He tries to figure out what he wants to do with his life, but he can almost feel the drugs talking to him, so in the end it’s easier to think about his omega. He is not allowed to visit or call Mickey. Of course no one can stop him from calling the older man, but the omega keeps rejecting his calls. He knows it’s his punishment, but it doesn’t make anything easier. He goes crazy when he imagines what can happen while he is not there. Mickey can go into labour while Mandy isn’t home, or he can fall, or faint. There are so many things that can go wrong, that Ian is halfway out of the flat, ready to run to the omega’s place before he realizes how crazy he is acting.

The problem with the flirting omegas isn’t that he is interested, he couldn’t care less about them, but their pheromones ensure that he is at least half hard most of the time, and when he gets home he _needs_ Mickey more than anything else. He can’t even smell him which should, but doesn’t, curb his arousal.   
So far he managed to refrain from masturbating anywhere but in the shower, which is relatively safe and not awkward since the water and shower gel cover the strong alpha smell, but today it feels like his cock is going to explode. He can already feel the knot forming even though he hasn’t touched himself yet, he barely managed to change into the boxers and t-shirt he uses as a pajama.  
It’s so hot in the room, Ian’s clothes are sticking to his body as he presses against the bed, his cock so hard that it almost hurts. He desperately needs something, someone, to fuck into. He takes the big pillow and puts it between his legs, it feels so good to have something rub against his swollen cock. He grinds down once to give it a try, and then he can’t stop, whole body shivering with pleasure while he keeps thrusting and rubbing against the folded pillow, faster and faster, breath coming short. The bed is shaking with his every move, but he can’t stop. He fucks the pillow fast and hard, hands holding onto the headrest.   
“Mickey, fuck! Mickey,” he moans quietly, imagining the older man’s hole tight and leaking natural lubrication, opening for him slowly while Mick whines in pain and pleasure. He wants to fuck him raw, fuck him good, fuck the baby out of him, feed him so much cum that the older man will leak all over everything. It’s humiliatingly short, and he comes with to the image of Mickey’s puffy hole overly stretched by a huge, alpha dick, completely soaking the pillow.   
Well, fuck.

He wakes up around noon, and Kitty’s smile is all teeth when she greets him. There is no doubt that she could smell everything. She doesn’t mention it, but the impish gleam in her eyes is humiliating enough, and Ian considers spending the rest of the day out. Before he can put his plan into action Iggy comes back. The older man tells him to pack again.  
“Why?” Ian asks, he didn’t really unpack, most of his stuff is still in the suitcase.  
“I think you’ve had enough. And I don’t think I can stand all that alpha scent any longer,” it’s said good-naturedly, but Ian wants to die all the same.   
On the way back they stop to get some chicken which he almost cries over because Iggy thinks he is worthy knowing where the place is. He can now wow Mickey with food.


	8. And again

Mickey thinks nothing of it when Ian doesn’t pick Tommy up on Friday. The younger man can do whatever he wants, and although some warning would be nice, he doesn’t expect it.   
He takes Tommy to the gym where he exercises diligently while huge, meaty dudes coo lovingly at his son. He’s been working out a lot recently, and it finally starts to show. He feels stronger, and his muscles slowly emerge from under the leftover pregnancy fat. When he gets screwed by one of the weight-lifters he isn’t sure whether it’s because of his new body or his cute kid, who steals hearts of everyone around him. But Mickey isn’t looking for a second ‘daddy’, no matter how good the fuck is.  
He still isn’t worried when Ian yet again fails to show up two weeks later. It was obvious that sooner or later the redhead would give up. There was always only one thing Gallagher wanted from him, and now that Mickey refused, he lost all of his appeal. He is not bitter. He isn’t.   
May draws a bird and then tattoos it on his hip. It’s fucking gay, but then again, so is he. It’s not even a raptor, just some kind of a small, fluffy, harmless bird. Tommy laughs when he sees it, so Mickey doesn’t mind. It’s soft and pretty, and maybe he is getting old, but he really likes it. 

One of the regulars asks him for a new design, so he is doodling a bit mindlessly while he is on a front desk duty. He has a general idea of what he wants to create, but for some reason his motivation is low. He has more than enough time to finish, so he isn’t especially worried. It must be the weather, way too hot and humid for him.   
“I need your help,” he immediately recognizes the voice, despite the fact that it’s much more subdued than usually. He looks up to meet Adam’s eyes even though he really doesn’t want to. Adam is a nice guy, but he is still Ian’s boyfriend.  
“Something wrong with your tattoos?”  
“No. It’s Ian.” Adam has to know something because there is pain in his eyes when he stares at Mickey, and it makes him feel like shit.  
“We are nothing, Adam,” he assures the other man.  
“I know you aren’t. But he still l… likes you. And for the past two weeks he only left house for school and work, after that he just lies in bed. He cries a lot too. We think that his medicine isn’t working properly.”   
“What do you want me to do,” it’s hardly a question. He’s been there before. Nothing good came out of it. He can’t help anyone.   
“Could you visit with Tommy? My presence does nothing to him.”  
Mickey wants to argue, but he can see how humiliating it is for Adam to ask his boyfriend’s ex for help, believing that he actually _can_ help. Mickey doubts he would be strong enough for that.   
“I will visit after work.”

Adam isn’t at the Gallagher house when he gets there. Fiona opens the door and lets him in, clearly unhappy, but she smiles at Tommy who reaches for her. Fucking Gallaghers.  
“He is upstairs, I’m sorry you got involved again. I don’t… Sorry.”  
Mickey tries to smile, but fails. There is nothing about this situation he finds amusing. He doesn’t want to be there, he doesn’t want to fight for Ian just to get his fingers burned again. He has a kid to think of now, he can’t get depressed over the redhead. He doesn’t want to.  
But he can’t refuse. That’s always been his problem, he can’t refuse the redhead. He can fight, he can pretend, but in the end he will do whatever Ian wants from him. He drags his feet up the stairs while Tommy babbles happily, completely unaware of the anguish his father is experiencing.   
Ian is lying on the bed facing the wall, and Mickey takes a moment to stare at the strong back of his ex lover. The younger man is in decent shape again, he is better, the last thing he needs is Mickey and his problems. And their baby.   
Said baby wiggles in his arms and squeals loudly, probably reacting to one of Liam’s toys. It’s enough to draw Ian’s attention. He sits up, turns around, and Mickey curses under his breath. The redhead’s face is slightly swollen, his eyes red-rimmed.   
“They called you. Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” Ian panics, already on the verge of tears. He doesn’t look sick, just sad. Mickey might be wrong, but something tells him that Adam and Fiona are wrong about the meds.  
“They think you should see a doctor.”  
Ian scowls and gestures for Mickey to come closer. He kisses Tommy’s head then puts his hands on the older man’s hips.   
“I am not allowed to be sad anymore, am I?” Ian asks rhetorically. “They always think I’m sick, and I’m just sad about us,” he admits, hands squeezing Mickey’s hips even tighter.   
“There is no us.”  
“Exactly.”  
Mickey feels the urge to comfort him, but he doesn’t know how. He’s never been good at it. He puts Tommy on the bed and starts to gently massage Ian’s temples. Tommy loves head rubs, it probably translates to adults. Yet another thing he doesn’t know.   
The redhead offers him a weak smile and pulls lightly until Mickey relents, letting his legs spread as he is positioned on Ian’s lap. Their faces are so close that he can feel the younger man’s breath on his lips.   
“Let me kiss you,” Ian murmurs, and Mickey is too weak to object.


	9. BOOM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sup.

It’s been less than two weeks, but it feels like years. He has to bring chicken to Mickey’s room because Mandy tells him that the older man hardly ever leaves the room now, only when he really has to. Ian can see why, it seems that during the past few days Mick’s stomach grew significantly, he looks like he might give birth any second now, and judging from the way he is glaring at nothing in particular, he isn’t all too happy about it. It’s not that he is fat, his arms and legs are strong, not shaking with fat, but the belly overshadows everything else. He wants to kiss it.  
“Stop fucking staring, I know I look like a beached whale.”  
“I missed looking at you, you are beautiful, I’m sorry, and I have chicken.”  
He helps Mickey sit up and has to bite his tongue, so he doesn’t offer to feed the pregnant man. That’s what he wants to do, but he has inkling that the other man won’t take it too well. He settles for talking about the new job while Mick moans obscenely every time he takes a bite. Iggy has probably informed his brother about everything, but the alpha has to concentrate on something or he will start jerking off right in front of the eating man.  
Ian really shouldn’t be getting a hard on from watching someone suck on chicken bones, yet there he is, so turned on that he is almost whimpering. He is so focused on hiding his boner that he almost doesn’t hear it when Mickey quietly says, “I missed you. And I can also smell your arousal, so take your trousers off.”  
Ian has never undressed faster with the eyes still glued to the other man who licks his fingers clean like he is blowing someone. He expects their usual thing, but Mickey turns on a side, slowly slides the pajama pants down and adjusts his legs, so that Ian has a clear view of his already slick opening, “Fuck me.”  
Ian is on him within seconds, cock sliding into the wet, hot crevice. Mickey’s body is preparing for labor, and it’s so soft and open, that Ian goes hard and fast from the very beginning, whispering ridiculous things about fucking the baby out of the older man that he will never admit to later.  
He loves the little punched out noises and moans that escape Mick’s plump lips, the way his dick is already so wet that Ian has problems with applying enough pressure to jerk it properly. But they are both so turned on that it lasts only few minutes before his knot swells and locks them together.   
He can’t put any weight on the omega, but this way he can easily rub the big belly and thick thighs he loves so much. He does it until the knot goes down and some of his semen drips out of the swollen hole. He has no choice but to clean it thoroughly with his tongue. 

Mickey laughs all the way to the hospital while Ian panics, because holy fucking shit he really fucked the baby out of his omega. Mandy promises to come later, she needs to pack everything her brother will need. For some reason they are completely unprepared.  
He is allowed to stay in the room because Mick tells the midwife that it’s their baby, and Ian cries the whole time while the omega squeezes his hand and curses. It’s surprisingly quick, but there is a lot of blood, and Mickey faints the second the baby is out. Ian is the first one to hold their little boy, and while it still resembles a really dried out raisin rather than a human, it also seems that the baby will look a lot like the omega. He has no idea whether Mick came up with a name, but his head is already full of ideas. Maybe he will be allowed to name their son.  
He is crying again when the exhausted omega wakes up and whacks him on the head none too gently. He smiles at his tough partner, excited at the prospect of the new life they are going to have together.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read the tags carefully!
> 
> Micro heats - last 2 or 3 days every month.  
> Heats - up to 7 days every three months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My day was a disaster, and it seems that things are going to get even worse, so I dropped everything and wrote this one, it's been on my mind for a long, long time.
> 
> If you like it please leave kudos and comments, yeah?

Yevgeny doesn’t pretend to understand what’s going on between his parents. He is only eleven, and unlike many of his friends he knows that he is still a kid, he enjoys being one. But there are facts that he knows: there were some doubts about Da being his biological father at first because Terry Milkovich made aunt Svetlana rape his Dad during micro heat; his parents used to love each other a lot, but Da broke Dad’s heart; Dad went to prison, he wasn’t there long, but it left scars on his chest; they both have new partners; they aren’t as indifferent towards each other as much as they pretend to be. That’s all he knows either from what he’s been told or from what he observed.  
He is living with Dad because Da already had Caleb by the time they were figuring out the living arrangement, so it was only fair. Yev loves his Dad and doesn’t want him to be lonely.   
Usually he doesn’t hide anything from either of his parents, but recently Dad told him something that is supposed to be a secret from Da and, well, from everyone else too. Yev really, really wants to tell the whole world about it because it makes him happy, but he knows it’s important, so he keeps his mouth shut. Or almost shut, he has an old Teddy who knows absolutely everything, Dad’s secret included. It’s okay, Teddy will never tell.  
He spends the weekends with Da and Caleb. Caleb isn’t the worst person to be around, and he is a firefighter which is really cool, but Yev still thinks that Da is a little bit silly for choosing someone like Caleb over Dad. Of course his experience with love is very limited. His heart got broken when he was nine. It’s been done by the most beautiful girl in the world, and after that it just wasn’t the same. No other girl, or boy, could compare to the gorgeous Emi who liked Benny better and changed school after her mom remarried. It was hard, but Dad taught him that sometimes you need to let the things, and people, you love go.

***

Ian doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve Yev, but it must have been something good. That, or some deity made a huge mistake and there is someone else going through life without their Yevgeny. The boy is brilliant and sweet, and he wishes he could live with his son. But he knows that if he ever tries suggesting this, Mickey will disappear before he can finish the sentence. He wouldn’t even blame the older man, he is very close with Yev, even closer than Ian. It might be from living together or simply from the fact that it was Mickey who carried the boy for nine months and then went through a very bloody labour.  
Ian’s life has never been as stable as it is now. His disorder is under control thanks to the pills and therapy, he has a job as a physiotherapist that pays well, a house that he owns – Fiona’s rich ex husband helped, a smart kid and a wonderful boyfriend. Caleb is a beta, so he is unable to take Ian’s ruts, but that’s just a small disadvantage every few months. And things with Mickey are going okay. They might not be friends, but at least they can act civil towards each other, which isn’t exactly obvious. The first few years after the omega’s release from prison had been difficult, to put it mildly. Although the older man’s spent only few months behind the bars it still left an impact. Svetlana mentioned in passing that there has been some sexual harassment involved, the omegas are not a common thing in prison, but Ian was never brave enough to ask. Not that Mickey would tell him, seeing as every time they see each other the omega is painfully polite and docile. Docile is the last word he would use to describe the other man, but maybe Mick’s new partner likes it, maybe that’s how the things are now.  
As a beta in a relationship with an alpha, Caleb could only have children through the artificial insemination. He can’t take the knot. It’s not really a problem because Caleb doesn’t want any kids. The beta is fine with Yev, but that’s it. Ian understands and accepts that. Yev is more than enough for him, even though he didn’t really get to enjoy his son’s early childhood because of the mental and emotional turmoil he’s been experiencing at the time. But it’s alright.  
To be honest there is something about Mickey’s alpha that makes Ian a little uncomfortable. He is tall enough to tower over the omega, quite muscled, and he oozes manliness like very few alphas do. Caleb thinks that he feels threatened by Robert, but his confidence isn’t as fragile as it used to be when he was younger. It has to be something else.

They are enjoying early supper when someone knocks and then immediately bangs on the front door. Ian goes to open, the alpha in him already on the edge and ready to pounce to protect his home. It’s unnecessary because he opens to Robert, who looks slightly agitated. There is a bruise darkening on his cheekbone. Without any preamble, he gives Ian a bag filled with colourful clothes that have to be Yevgeny’s.   
“Yev has to stay with you for at least two more days, alright? Mickey will be a bit busy.”  
“What? Why?”  
“He is your bloody son, I gotta go to work.” Robert jogs to his car, not waiting for Ian’s answer, and then promptly drives away. It’s unbelievable that Mickey would be this careless. Their son might be eleven, but he is still a kid.   
He doesn’t expect Yev to be very affected by this, spending more time together should be fun, but it turns out that he is wrong. Yevgeny stares at him and then reaches for his phone even though he is not allowed to use it during meals. He calls three times, but Mickey doesn’t answer, and Yev’s hands start to shake.  
“It’s alright, bud, be is probably busy,” Ian tries to calm him.  
“With what? We have a deal! I always pick up when he calls, and he does the same when I call, no matter what!”  
“Look Yev, adults sometimes…” Caleb starts to explain before he is rudely interrupted.  
“Dad doesn’t lie to me! He always tells me the truth even when I don’t like it! He always answers!”  
The boy seems almost frantic, completely different from what Ian is used to. Usually Yevgeny is calm and collected, so he starts to understand that something he isn’t privy to must be happening in the Milkovich household.  
“Did something happen?” he asks as gently as he can, and he can see Caleb roll his eyes.  
“N…no,” Yev never stutters.  
“Bud, is Robert hurting you?”  
The boy shakes his head mumbling ‘no, no, no, Dad wouldn’t let him’, but there is something in his eyes that makes Ian investigate further, “Are they fighting? Mickey and Robert?”  
He can’t believe that he is suggesting this, yet Yev’s gaze drops before he looks at Ian again, “I… I.... Sometimes he is a bit rough with dad when we are together. And sometimes I hear dad c…cry when they are in the bedroom.”  
Caleb snorts, “Kid, there are things that adults do behind the closed doors that children don’t know about.”   
Ian sends him a warning glare, but Yevgeny scoffs, clearly not amused, “It’s not BD-whatever.”  
“How do you know what BDSM is?”  
“I asked dad, I told you he never lies to me. And I asked if he likes it, he said no, but I still saw bruises when he was shirtless.” Frankly speaking Ian has no idea how to process this new piece of information, and apparently neither does Caleb because he laughs before Yev glares at him.   
He always saw Mickey as a stubborn, headstrong omega who wouldn’t surrender to anyone. Terry was the only exception, but he is long gone. Now he learns that the father of his child might be abused, and no one noticed a thing. He is not responsible for the older man, but it doesn’t hurt to be a decent human being from time to time, especially after everything they went through.   
Mick finally answers after seven calls from the both of them, and as they talk Yevgeny’s face turns paler and paler, eyes shining with unshed tears.  
“Take me to the hospital,” usually Ian would scold his son for talking to him like that, but Yev looks like he is going to faint or throw up. Caleb offers to drive them, but he refuses, ignoring the hurt written all over the beta’s face. The fewer people see Mickey in a hospital, the better.  
Yev starts crying in the car, but he won’t tell Ian what happened. By the time they reach the hospital his son looks almost fine again, the only things that betray him are his red rimmed eyes. Ian hates hospitals with passion, but he pushes through his hatred and asks about Mickey. Yevgeny runs the second they get the room number and completely ignores his protests. A nurse tries to stop the boy, but he ducks under her arm, he is a smart little guy especially when he is not allowed to do something. Ian has to admit that he is in no hurry to join his son. He is afraid that he is going to have a meltdown once he sees Mickey in a hospital bed.

Mickey’s skin is pale, but there are dark bruises around his eye and on his chin, he is lying on a side, slightly curled up, a drip attached to his arm. He is smiling slightly, but Ian can tell it’s for Yevgeny’s sake. There is no joy in the omega’s blue eyes.   
A nurse comes in, assessed the situation, and then shakes her head at Mickey. Apparently that’s enough for the injured man to understand what she means because he lets out a quiet whine, hands pressing against his stomach. Yevgeny notices the gesture, and his reaction is, for the lack of a better word, violent. The chair he’s been sitting on hits the ground with a loud bang, and the boy kicks it few times before shouting, “It’s all his fault!”  
“I fell,” that’s bullshit if Ian ever heard one, and Yevgeny isn’t buying into it either.  
“You fell down the stairs because he pushed you! My sister is gone!” After that Ian has to sit down or he will keel over.  
The nurse comes back, probably lured by the noise, and tells them to talk while she takes care of Yev. The room is so quiet after their son leaves that Ian wants to run. Far, far away from the hospital. When he finally gets a grip on his emotions Mickey’s eyes are closed, but he isn’t asleep. The omega is shaking so much that Ian can almost hear the bed rattling.   
“Will you take care of Yevy for a few more days? Maybe two weeks,” Mick asks quietly.   
“Sure, I…”  
“You will need to go to our flat and get his things. I need to find a new place, take care of everything.”  
“Mickey…”   
The omega talks over him, “It was too early to tell whether it’s a girl or a boy, but Yevy really wants a sister, that’s why he talks about it being a girl. You should go now.”  
“Who is going to take care of you?”  
The omega’s laugh is harsh and ugly, “Me. I will take care of myself, that’s what I always do.”  
There isn’t much to say after that. He leaves with a reluctant Yev who stays in the car while Ian hastily packs everything important from the old flat. He intends to only take Yevgeny’s things, but he ends up taking Mick’s too. It makes him sleep a bit better that night.   
The omega calls after three days to tell them that he found a new flat. He must have been searching even before the… event, otherwise it would be impossible. Ian is so impressed that he comes up with a relatively convincing excuse, leaves Yev with Caleb and goes for a visit. He assumes Mickey will be better, but what he finds is a complete emotional wreck. The older man smells like whiskey, and his collarbones look unhealthily sharp. He doesn’t even know why Mick lets him in, but he does, and they end up smoking cigarettes and drinking beer on a kitchen floor. They are sitting when they start, but halfway through they wind up staring at the ceiling, the cold floor making them shiver.  
“Why did you let him do it? You can do so much better.”   
Ian thinks he knows a lot. Mickey tramples all over that conviction in seconds by saying, “Not really though. Alan punched me after our second date. Connor waited a month. Blake broke my rib. At least Robert didn’t hit me for the first six months.”  
“He’s been abusing you for what, seven months now?”  
“Let’s see, he was fine until December… Yeah, sounds about right.”  
Ian turns to look at the older man who stubbornly refuses to meet his eyes, “But why? You broke up with others.”  
“He is a strong alpha. Good genes. I wanted a baby. I was still a kid when I had Yev, I wanted to be able to properly enjoy it. I didn’t tell him. I stopped taking birth control and fucked him during one of the micro heats, I was going to leave him soon. Too late, I guess.”  
Ian’s heart beats so fast that he can hardly hear the explanation. His alpha side purrs like a kitten before roaring like a lion. He is going to do the unthinkable, yet he is at peace with his decision.  
“When is your next micro heat?”  
“No idea, they gave me so many meds that it might come anytime.”  
“Yeah, alright.”  
The idea is ridiculous, he should at least use a syringe, that would make it slightly better, It’s on his mind when he starts jerking off, but he gets distracted by his ex. Mickey’s body is much, much smaller than his, and Ian can easily cover the omega. So he does, the thoughts about syringe no longer important. The older man turns his head to the side, so he doesn’t have to look at Ian when a thick cock slides into him, but he moans and whines, and fucks himself on the alpha dick.  
Ian forgot how good the sex was. He forgot how it feels to fuck someone without having to worry too much about tearing them. He almost forgot how amazing knotting is. But the memories come back every time he tries to put a baby in Mickey’s flat stomach. He ignores the logical part of his brain which keeps reminding him that the chances of impregnation outside of a full, or micro, heat are so small that he’s never met anyone who managed it. He sneaks out any time he can. It’s not difficult, Caleb is a firefighter, his shifts change all the time. They fuck in a flat when Yev is not there, and sometimes when he is because he is still too young to be able to smell Ian’s alpha scent. They fuck in Mickey’s car when there is no other option. They fuck in a dark alley few times – that, Ian can’t explain. It just happens.   
The omega stops avoiding his gaze. Then he stops avoiding his kisses.  
He thinks that Caleb doesn’t suspect anything, but one day the beta is waiting for him when he leaves Mick’s building, freshly showered and satisfied with how much come he put in the omega. To his surprise, his boyfriend looks ashamed.  
“I followed you. I thought that you’ve been lying when you said that you just want to help Yev deal with the situation.” Ian is angry, but not for the reason Caleb must think he is. He is angry because the beta almost entered the territory in which there is no place for him.   
It goes on for three months before Mickey stops him one day, a shy smile playing on his full lips.   
“I’m pregnant.”  
“Oh, yeah,” Ian says eloquently and kisses him. Mick breaks off the kiss.  
“You don’t have to anymore.”  
“You are right,” he agrees and proceeds to kiss the omega anyway. He is gentle during sex, eats Mickey out until he is dripping with lubrication and then fucks him until the man is sobbing wantonly.   
Caleb looks genuinely surprised when Ian breaks up with him, and the alpha has a hard time remembering that he once thought that what they had was love. 

They are having a daughter.


	11. Rinse and repeat

Ian has a boyfriend. He is in a steady, happy relationship with Caleb. He takes his pills, works, studies for GED. He exercises again, patches up the relationship with his family.  
He fucks Mickey on the side.  
Mickey has been released from the prison because the charges just wouldn’t stick in the long run. He found a proper job because he was tired of constantly running away from the police, got a new flat. It has only one room and the smallest bathroom in the history of bathrooms, but it’s his. He is a bartender, it never interested him before, but the pay is good, and it turns out he has a talent for it. He always thought that it’s a pretty straightforward job, but then he discovered a whole world of fancy drinks, and with this discovery came the realization that it’s something he wants to do now.  
They meet again because of this. Mickey is mixing drinks, Ian comes in alone, already slightly tipsy, but not drunk enough to not know what he is doing. He ends up following Mickey to his flat. They fuck. He leaves.  
Mickey thinks it’s a one-time mistake that won’t be repeated. He knows all about Ian’s new boyfriend from Mandy. Mandy has no intentions of coming back to Chicago, but she lives in Texas now. She says her new boyfriend isn’t abusing her. He isn’t sure he believes her.  
Ian comes back three days later and fucks him on the kitchen floor. His knees look raw afterwards, and Ian’s cum drips out of his ass. The younger man leaves.  
He gets used to it after a while. Fucking and leaving. He doesn’t pretend to understand it. The redhead rarely ever talks to him, but Mandy swears that Ian taking his meds and is happy with Caleb. Mickey has to always keep the shirt on because seeing the tattoo makes Ian uncomfortable and well, he loves his ex. He wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t.  
Ian never uses condoms. It’s dumb. Even if the redhead is only fucking him and Caleb, Mickey is fucking around. Being in love changes nothing. There is nothing more pathetic than waiting for something that won’t happen, pining like a bitch. He uses protection with everyone else, he knows better now, but accidents happen. Condoms don’t always work, and he doesn’t feel like testing all the time.  
So Ian fucks him bare, and eventually Mickey ends up pregnant. He considers telling the younger man, but Ian chooses this exact moment to remind Mickey that he has a lovely boyfriend and the Milkovich is just a piece of nice ass. At least he isn’t pretending anymore.  
Mickey has an abortion. It’s fast, clean, almost pleasant because everyone is so kind. It’s not like he wants a kid anyway.  
Throughout the next months he has three more abortions. There are no birth control pills that work on men, condoms are the only choice. He is afraid that Ian will leave if he suggests using them.  
With time, the younger man seems to mellow down. Sometimes he is gentle, his hands caress Mickey’s thighs and chest. Sometimes they even kiss. It gives Mickey ideas that he doesn’t want. Mandy asks, because it’s so much easier to talk to her when she is so far away, and he doesn’t have to look at her when they talk, if he wants to be in a relationship again. Of course he does. But he will take what he can. 

His body ruins everything. They are fucking, Mickey’s face pressed into the bed while Ian pounds into him. His stomach felt funny the whole day, but he ignored it since he can’t afford to lose the precious minutes he can spend with the redhead. Suddenly Ian stops, gasps in surprise or maybe fear.  
“You are bleeding,” he says, and Mickey thinks his body is a disgusting mess that will drive the younger man away. “I will take you to the hospital.”  
They go to the clinic because Mickey insists. He knows the place. He trusts them. And rightly so, Anna is on duty, and she smiles at him the whole time even though it’s obvious that she is worried. She examines him carefully. He has no idea what she is doing, but it doesn’t matter. She is the best.  
“You are pregnant again. You know I’m pro-choice, but so many abortions in such a short period of time are not good for you. The fetus is alright for now, and I will abort it if you want, but I don’t think it’s the best for your body. This bleeding is a warning, Mickey.”  
He nods. Anna leaves the room to give him some time to make a decision. They both know that he is going to get rid of it anyway.  
“How many did you have?” He forgot about Ian, funny. It doesn’t matter anymore, after everything, after Mickey bled on his cock.  
“Three. No, wait. Four. This one will be the fifth.”  
“You are doing it?” Ian sounds surprised.  
“Sure. I can’t take care of the kid alone, you don’t want it. Why bother?”  
“It’s mine?”  
“Yeah.”  
“What about the previous pregnancies?”  
Mickey chooses not to answer. Which is answer enough. Ian obviously doesn’t know what to say, and he considers comforting him. It’s not a big deal after all, things like that happen all the time.  
Ian starts crying before Mickey can even open his lips. It takes him a while to understand that Ian is apologizing and begging him to keep the baby.  
“What for?” he asks confused.  
“Did you really think I’d keep coming back if I didn’t love you?”  
“But you were so cold to me.”  
Mickey can’t think. He doesn’t know what to think. Ian touches his stomach, eyes still shining with tears. He whimpers something that sounds like ‘our baby’, and that’s good enough for Mickey. He will take what he can.


	12. Tick tock

Mickey starts with counting days.  
Ian comes over all the time, trying to… He doesn’t quite get what the younger man wants from him. But he opens the door every time, and when one day the redhead suggests moving in together, he hesitates only for a few seconds. They find a slightly bigger, two-bedroom flat, Ian says that they need one room for their baby.  
He meets the Gallaghers again. Debbie, Fiona, Carl, Lip. They almost look happy when they see him. Fiona apologizes to him. He has no idea what to say, so he just shrugs. No apology is needed, in the end it changes nothing. By accident, they run into Caleb. Mickey thought that Ian lied to him about breaking up with the firefighter, but it turns out that he was telling the truth. Who knew.  
Svetlana starts coming over with Yev, and they bond again. All of them. His wife threatens to cut Ian open if he fucks up again. Mickey hopes that he is carrying a girl who will be as fierce as Lana. They get a divorce. Because they can.  
Ian likes to spend time at the bar, mostly watching Mickey and flirting. Not with Mickey, with everyone else. Men are drawn to him like moths to a flame. Maybe it’s the fiery hair, maybe a handsome face, or maybe a perfect, ripped body that he likes to show off in tight t-shirts. Mickey keeps his head down when it happens. It’s not like he expects fidelity now that they are living together. The younger man never goes to the bathrooms with anyone, but it doesn’t mean much.  
Mickey gets approached as well. He ignores them, but one day a guy he fucked more than once strides in like he owns the place and tries to grope him. In exchange, Ian tries to kill the guy.   
That night Mickey learns that they are exclusive, and he starts counting weeks.   
Ian buys, or steals, baby things. Lots and lots of baby things in many different colours because fuck gender roles. They can’t afford to be picky anyway. Mickey chooses pale orange for the baby’s room, and the redhead has to paint it three times before it looks good enough. He doesn’t complain.  
Mickey’s hips and stomach start to get soft, yet the sex is great, even better than before. Ian is careful, but he still knows how to hold, where to press to make Mick keen. He worships Mickey’s body, and the older man is the happiest when he can suck the cum out of Ian’s thick cock.  
Mandy flies all the way from Texas for a visit. There are no fresh, or old, bruises on her pale skin. She isn’t as thin as she used to be, nor is she unhappy. Her eyes are bright, the smile stretching her lips real. She punches Ian before hugging him. She doesn’t hit Mickey, he gets away with a hug only. He misses her even before she leaves, but Mandy has her own life now, and he can’t spoil it for her.  
They have a minor emergency when he bleeds again, and this time there is far more blood than before. Ian looks so pale on the way to the hospital that Mickey offers to drive but gets shushed. This time it’s an infection, nothing too serious, yet Ian cries. It might be from relief.   
Mickey complains when the redhead insists on carrying him from the car to the flat, but he starts counting months.

Apparently they are having a girl. Mickey’s eyes feel wet when he hears the news, but he blames it on an allergy. They both know he isn't allergic to anything. Ian, on the other hand, looks quite tense, like it’s not something he expected or considered.  
“Did you want a boy?”  
“What? No, God, no, I just started thinking about all the bodies we will have to bury.”  
Mickey tries not to think about the future. Thinking about it makes him sad, and he’s been sad for way too long. He wants to try something else.  
Svetlana’s boyfriend gives her a black eye, so Mickey pays him a visit late at night. His stomach is so big that it can’t be hidden, it’s obvious even under a thick jumper, but it doesn’t stop him from beating the guy to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Ian is furious when he comes home, but his anger melts away when Mickey begs to be fucked. Svetlana’s next partner is a girl. It’s a better choice, girls are better.  
Ian talks a lot to the baby. It looks like he is really happy that he is going to be a father. It’s hard to believe, and Mickey starts to distance himself almost against his own will. This new, attentive Ian notices straightaway and doesn’t hesitate to confront him about it.  
“What are you waiting for?” the redhead asks, eyes glued to the TV.   
“For you to leave me,” Mickey replies with honesty. It’s obvious to him that the younger man will get tired of them again.   
“But I love you.”  
“Oh.”  
Ian insists on finding a better job. Mickey doesn’t see a point, they have enough money, they even manage to save some. But Ian is stubborn. He manages to score an office job which is a bit boring, but the pay is very decent. He buys a ring and proposes. Mickey thinks he wants to say ‘no’, but he says ‘yes’ and finds it very hard to regret.   
Their daughter is big and strong, so they name her Mattie. They get married after Mickey heals up, and he realizes that he stopped counting.


	13. Mistakes we make

It’s a party. Mickey doesn’t do parties, but Mandy does, and she forced him to come. She disappeared with some guy after an hour or even less, but there was free alcohol to keep him occupied. And drugs. He doesn’t take drugs all that often anymore, pot doesn’t count, but when it’s free then he sure as hell is going to use some. His glass keeps being refilled by some curly haired dude. At some point he doesn’t want any more, but the guy keeps pouring, and you really can’t waste the free alcohol. He gets too drunk, he can admit that.  
He remembers being fucked by three or maybe four guys. He remembers someone’s dark skin, flaming red hair, grey eyes staring at him, freckles, sweat. He vaguely remembers cocks stuffing him, bitter and salty on his tongue, too many, too thick and making him gag. Or it might be the alcohol, drugs. He doesn’t think being fucked hurt, but there is only this much you can take, so when he wakes up he is sore and aching. And covered in dry cum. It’s in his hair, on his chest, thighs, in his ass. Somehow, his face is the only place completely free of it. Maybe he swallowed.   
He has a headache and his mouth tastes like something died in it. He forces himself to throw up before taking a quick shower. There aren’t many traces of a party left in the flat, there is only one guy cooking something in the kitchen. He looks young, probably only slightly younger than Mickey. Tall and red haired, ah, yes, he is one of them.  
The guy looks up when he hears Mickey slowly putting his shoes on, and his smile is so bright that it almost makes Mickey close his eyes. It’s too early for this kind of supermodel bullshit.  
“Hey! I didn’t want to wake you up, do you want breakfast?”  
“No, man. I feel like shit.”   
The smile slowly disappears as the guy looks at him closely, “Are you okay?”  
“I told you I feel like shit. I was so fucking high and drunk yesterday.”  
“You were high?”  
“Yeah man, I have no fucking idea what happened in that bed.”  
The red head gasps, and he looks like he is going to cry, eyes getting redder and redder, “But you said yes when Kenny asked if you feel like, you know.”  
“Who the fuck is Kenny?”  
“Tall? Curly hair?”  
“Ah, the fucker who kept feeding me alcohol. Yeah, no, I don’t remember shit.”  
“Jesus,” gingersnap mutters in distress, hands shaking. When he comes closer he seems even bigger, taller than before. But his hands are soft when they touch Mickey’s face. Then he starts apologizing, “Kenny told me you were just tired and tipsy. That you agreed before, you know? I’d have never forced myself on you like that if I knew. I’m so fucking sorry. I’d have never… fuck.”  
People don’t apologize to Mickey often, and he’s never had anyone apologize to him for fucking him while he was drunk. Granted, it’s the first time someone apparently planned it and then made it into a foursome or something, but men usually think it’s alright. He never really thought about it before.   
“Whatever man, I gotta go.”  
“I’m Ian. I’m really sorry.”  
“Whatever, Freckles.”

Mandy, on the other hand, is not sorry at all when he finally gets home. She throws a pillow at him and tells him to quit bitching when he complains about her leaving. She does cook him dinner later though.   
It takes him almost two weeks to get tested because, if he had to be honest, he is a bit afraid of what they may find. He took few unknown guys bare, and while the redhead seemed pretty sweet, at least one of the guys, Kenny or whatever, was a sleazy bastard. When he finally gets tested it’s much better than he thought it would be. He has a minor infection that can be easily treated with some meds. He also gets advised to take a pregnancy test in a few more days or weeks. Mickey tries really hard not to think about it. He knows he can get pregnant, he also knows that he wouldn’t be able to have an abortion. He doesn’t hate babies, and everyone who knows him also knows that it almost equals liking them. So he doesn’t want to know if there is a baby growing inside. He doesn’t check.  
He used to be a regular Southside trash, but he got out with Mandy and has a steady job now. He still isn’t a poster boy, never will be, but he is doing so much better. He blanks out that party and continues living his life. There is no morning sickness and no craving. But there is a bump, at first small and hardly noticeable, then bigger and rounder, finally prominent enough for Mandy to see. She asks many questions about other father, so he tells her to mind her own business. Mickey doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know. How can he? He was barely awake for the whole thing, and at least two of them came in him.   
Now he is horny all the time, and his back hurts, so he is having a lot of sex on flat surfaces. He is used to quick bathroom or alley fucks, so that’s an upgrade he supposes. Mandy buys so much baby stuff that his flat turns into a nursery before he can even object. His baby doesn’t need all that shit, but his sister can be really scary, and he is in no shape to fight her. Overall, he is in a pretty good shape though, seeing as he is very pregnant. The baby is already moving.  
“Ian wanted your number.”  
“Ian?” Mickey thinks he’s heard this name before, but there are so many guys named Ian that he can’t be bothered to remember them all.  
“Sexy redhead from the last party you went to?” Mandy frowns at him. Is she close with the potential father of his baby? He has no idea.   
“Did you give him to it?”  
“Should I?”  
“No.”   
Firecrotch doesn’t know about the pregnancy. Mickey doesn’t want him to know, to even suspect that he took part in making of the baby, and if Ian has two brain cells to rub together he will be able to figure it out. Mickey wouldn’t be opposed to dating the guy, but on different terms. He doesn’t want to seem like someone who is desperately looking for a daddy for his kid. Fuck no, he can deal with it alone and maybe start dating in five years or so. For now he will stick to mindlessly fucking random dudes.

Going into labour at night, completely alone, has to be the scariest thing Mickey has ever experienced, and he’s been shot before. His first thought is to call Mandy, but he dismisses it as quickly as it appears. His sister has an early morning shift, she doesn’t need to run to his side. People give birth all the time, sometimes without proper help. He takes a cab to the hospital.  
Apparently it takes ages to give birth to a baby, so he sort of lies there regretting that he’s ever had sex. It’s uncomfortable, it hurts and everyone around him thinks that he should suck it up because that’s the way life is. If he had a gun…  
“How are you doing, sir?” a warm voice asks. It’s a nice voice, but the bad thing is – he recognizes it.   
“Fan-fucking-tastic,” he says through gritted teeth.  
“Mickey? Oh, wow.”  
“What are you doing here, Firecrotch?”  
“I’m a nurse, your midwife asked me to check up on you because you’ve been a little verbally abusive to her?”  
“Maybe, I don’t fucking remember with baby trying to rip me from the inside.”  
“Is that why you didn’t want to go out with me? Because you and your partner are having a baby?”  
“There is no partner. If you won’t stop talking I’m going to fucking hit you.” Thankfully Ian doesn’t point out that the chances of Mickey hitting anyone are close to zero with how much his body is struggling right now.   
The redhead can’t stay long, and Mickey is left alone until the time comes. He passes out the second they take away his son to clean him, too exhausted to be happy about the healthy little thing that popped out of him. When he wakes up Ian is sitting next to him in the casual clothes, clearly after shift. He doesn’t seem tired, Mickey must have been sleeping for a long time. He is also holding the baby which Mickey would find rude, only they look absolutely cute together.   
“Your son has really pretty hair, Mick. Really red too.”  
“Yeah, well, it happens. It will probably get darker.”  
“Hmm, maybe. But I looked through your medical chart, I’m really not supposed to do that, but it got me thinking.”  
“God forbid. Can I have my baby now?”  
“I don’t know, is he mine?”  
Suddenly it’s very hard to look at Ian. “I don’t know.”  
“I think I want to find out.”  
Ian is nice about the whole thing. He gives Mickey some time to heal before doing the paternity test. He is also surprisingly calm. Mickey would be at least a little bit bothered by the fact that he might be a father of a completely random guy’s baby, but Ian is almost happy. He takes to spending a lot of times at the older man’s flat too, already bonding with baby Tommy and his father. It seems obvious that they should open the envelope with results together. The silence that follows makes Mickey want to run.  
Then Ian mutters under his breath, “Scored! Now you have to date me,” and Mick wants to smack him.


	14. Chapter 14

Ian’s been working as a paramedic for only a few months, but he already knows that bad things always happen when they are about to finish the shift. He can almost taste the ham and cheese sandwich that he brought tonight but didn’t have time to eat when Lola’s, their dispatcher’s, sweet voice tells them to _go, go, go_. He doesn’t even register the address, but it doesn’t matter, his responsibility is to keep whoever they are coming for alive. He does hear it when Blake mentions pregnancy and bleeding. His heart does this annoying thing where it seems to stop before starting to beat faster, but in the end that’s the reason why Ian loves his job – it makes him feel.   
He doesn’t recognize the street they stop on, but it’s in the neighbourhood that’s marginally better than his. Blake and their driver are the ones who go up because Ian’s shoulder is still acting up after a minor injury he suffered. He is prepared to see a lot of red, but he definitely isn’t ready to see _Mickey_ covered in blood, face twisted in pain. He looks big and small at the same time, his stomach is huge, and it makes his body look even smaller than it is. His blood is very warm.  
“What the fuck, Ian?” he hears Blake’s slightly panicked voice, and finally starts working. He needs to save Mickey and the baby or at least keep them alive until they reach someone who will be able to tell what’s wrong.   
Ian doesn’t like doctors much. Not because they are mean to him, but because they always seem so indifferent about their patients, it makes them hard to read. He can understand having a defense mechanism, but it gets on his nerves when he is worried about someone close. Seeing Mickey made him realize that, no matter what he told his family and Mandy, he still cares about the older man when his disorder isn’t running his life.  
Mickey is very pale when the doctor and nurses finally leave without telling Ian much. He knows that the pregnant man will live, but his baby is still at risk. Ian should be home, sleeping off his shift, but he called Fiona to tell her that he needed to stay with a friend and ended the call before she could ask any awkward questions. He intends to leave before the older man wakes, but his body betrays him, and he falls asleep with his head next to Mickey’s hand. 

Ian wakes up to someone gently stroking his hair, and when he lifts his head to meet Mickey’s brilliant blue eyes. Even though the other man is clearly exhausted, with his face lined much more than Ian is used to seeing, he is still beautiful. How he could even forget about that?   
“Go home, you need proper sleep,” Mick’s voice is low and raspy.  
“I’m good, I will go get a doctor.”   
“She came in while you were asleep, I have to be on a bed rest for the last two months, but… But she still might not make it.”  
“Do you have someone who will help you?”  
Ian thinks about Mandy, who can’t even help himself, and about Svetlana. They probably don’t know. Probably no one does.   
They both say at the same time: “I will deal” and “I will help.”  
“Why?”  
“I owe you,” it’s not what Ian wants to say, but it’s not the right place, or time, for anything more specific. Mickey doesn’t seem too happy about it, but it might be the fact that he hates admitting that he needs help. Or, more likely, that he might lose a baby. Ian is insanely curious about two things: why Mick isn’t in prison and who the other father is. But they are not friends, he is there to help the older man without making it about himself.   
Ian waits until no one is home to pack some clothes and leaves Fiona a very brief note. Then he moves into Mickey’s one bedroom flat. The couch is too short for him, so he decides to sleep on a floor. He’s slept much worse with Monica around. The flat isn’t as depressing as he expected it to be, but it’s far from cozy. Still, it’s much better than the old Milkovich house.   
Mickey is very quiet. He must find bed rest annoying, but he doesn’t voice any complains even when Ian has to help him go to the bathroom. Ian is ashamed to admit that it takes him five days to realize that Mick’s silence means that his ex-boyfriend is scared and maybe even sad. It should be obvious, but everything is overwhelming. The new-old situation makes him act awkward, but he realizes that he can’t stay neutral while the pregnant man is suffering.   
He starts with food because he knows what the older man likes, so it’s the easiest way in. Funny stories from work follow, and Mickey never tells him to leave, so he must be doing something right. Then he notices another thing. No one visits his ex. There is one call from his boss, but other than that it seems that Mickey doesn’t have any friends. It makes sense, he always found meeting people difficult, and with the pregnancy it must have been even harder to open. It’s depressing. Especially when Ian compares it to his situation which is relatively good. He regrets his actions even more.  
“Why are you really doing this?” Mick asks one evening, voice flat, and Ian decides to settle for truth.  
“Because I’m sorry. And I missed you.”  
“Okay.”  
“Why are you letting me?”  
“There is no one else,” the older man doesn’t look at him when he says that. “Your boyfriend doesn’t mind?”  
“I wouldn’t care. And I broke up with him anyway, he isn’t what I need.” Caleb is a great person, yet Ian can’t imagine himself spending the rest of his life with someone so nice and maybe a little boring. After the initial period when they were still learning each other he discovered that there isn’t much more to Caleb. Fiona scolded him for being too picky, but he needs more thrill in life and a kind firefighter won’t cut it. 

Ian sits holding Mickey’s hand while the older man is almost crying from pain. The doctor said that they should expect it, and that it’s fine as long as there is no bleeding. Ian doesn’t see how anyone could call it ‘fine’. His ex is one of the strongest, most stubborn people he’s ever met, and he is reduced to tears by pain. Ian gave him some medication, but there is little he can do apart from letting Mick squeeze his hand. He coos sweet nothings expecting to be ridiculed, but he gets a grateful smile that makes him want to kiss the plump lips. His other hand finds itself on the big stomach, rubbing it soothingly.   
“They reopened my case when they discovered that I’m pregnant,” Mickey says through clenched teeth. “Found some inaccuracies, decided that if anyone got a whiff of it there would be a pretty big scandal seeing as I’m pregnant, let me out. I had nothing, but I was free. Michael gave me a job as a mechanic, I don’t even know why. I almost got an abortion, but I couldn’t.”  
“Why? You never said anything about wanting to have another kid.”  
“I didn’t, but… But it’s yours, so if I couldn’t have you then I’d at least have your child. Crazy, I know.”  
Ian wants to say that he finds it cute and touching, but it would probably make Mickey clam up. He assumed that his ex, despite the awful tattoo incident, would quickly move on. Or maybe he hasn’t really considered Mick’s feelings at all, too busy with his own. Knowing that the other man still loves him makes him feel warm all over.  
“You can have me and our baby. I will take care of you both.”  
“I’m not going to force you to stay just because…”  
“Because I still love you, okay,” Ian interrupts Mickey before their conversation turns into an unnecessary fight. “I made a mistake. I know it’s not fair to blame it all on bipolar, so I won’t. I thought you wouldn’t want to see me again, so I haven’t even tried. And I’m sorry for that too.” Mick doesn’t respond, but his body seems to soften under Ian’s hands. Fiona is going to flip, and Lip will be very disappointed, but Ian thinks he can fix this. He can be the partner the other man deserves.


	15. Chapter 15

Mickey is excited. He won’t admit it, but he can’t wait to see Ian and tell him. He already knows that the tattoo might actually be a bit too much, but it really doesn’t matter anymore. Ian is going to be so happy when Mickey finally tells him.  
He is so hyped up that at first he completely misses Ian’s indifference. Since he decided to show the tattoo first he does just that, but the reaction he gets is so much different from what he imagined, that it makes him rethink the whole thing. Sure, he didn’t think that his ex will love it, but he expected something more positive than what he got. So instead of getting to the main point he tries to discuss their current situation, and this is when he realizes that Ian doesn’t care. Whether it’s because of his disorder or because he doesn’t love Mickey anymore, he simply doesn’t care. It’s in the way he stares at Mickey, the way he holds himself. He is pretending the way he’s been told to, no more than that. It hits Mickey that, whatever he says, it’s not going to change anything – the younger man is over and done with him. He feels first pang of pain when Gallagher smiles at him, but he dismisses it as unimportant. What matters is his ex-boyfriends fake, hideous smile. They are done.  
Mickey can see that Ian is happy when he finally gets to leave. He, on the other hand, finds it hard to move. He is so sluggish, that one of the guards shoves him as he leaves the room. It’s not strong enough to actually hurt him, but he stumbles and has to lean against the wall.  
“Holy shit, it’s okay Milkovich, everything is going to be fine,” the guard says, and this is what finally alerts him. Guards are never nice to them, silent contempt is the best inmates get from them. So he looks down, where the other man is staring, and sees red. His pants are slowly turning red. Funny, he should have felt that. He is getting dizzy from all that blood. It’s the last thing he sees before everything turns black.  
He wakes up in a real hospital and not in a prison infirmary. It would be a nice change of scenery if he didn’t know what happened. He is alone in the room, but he doesn’t need anyone else to confirm it for him. Mickey feels it with every fibre of his being. His baby, just like Ian, is gone. And there is no one next to him, so he can cry all he wants. It won’t change anything, but then again nothing will. He lets himself cry for ten minutes. Ten minutes and no more. If Ian can be a cold bitch about their break up then Mickey can do it too. Even if he was the one with their baby growing inside. It doesn’t matter, still just a bunch of useless cells, not a real human. 

“I need a car,” Svetlana announces before she pushes Yevgeny into Debbie’s arms, “and someone to play with Yevy.”  
“Why? Where are you going?” Fiona asks before handing car keys to the Russian.  
“Hospital. Not place for baby. And not good for husband now,” Svetlana looks like she swallowed something sour, she probably didn’t mean to say the last part.  
“Something happened to Mickey?” Debbie seems genuinely concerned. Ian is curious rather than worried.  
“Miscarry.”  
“What?!” Ian isn’t sure who shouts first, but soon enough all of them are asking questions, and Lana sits down with a heavy sigh. Her accent and grammar get so much worse when she is nervous, but Ian manages to piece everything together. Mickey was pregnant. Presumably, with his baby. Lana doesn’t say it, but it’s obvious enough. Mickey was supposed to do only five months in prison because of the pregnancy, and he knew that for a while now. He miscarried after Ian’s visit.  
“They worry it’s because guard push husband, but doctor told me it’s stress. We know why he is stressed,” Svetlana looks at him then, not even hiding it. She blames him, and she is probably right. He is still glued to his spot when the Russian leaves and Gallaghers start to talk about Mick. They all feel sorry for him, suddenly remembering that they care about the guy. Ian manages less than five minutes before he is praying to the porcelain god and pretending that the tears collecting in his eyes are from throwing up, and not from realizing how badly he screwed up.  
No one tells him to visit. In fact, everyone tells him not to. Some of them think it’s best for him (Fiona, Lip), some think that Mick deserves to be left alone now (Svetlana, Debbie). Ian considers not going, but he can no longer sleep at night, and it’s not because his pills are not working. They are. Everything is working fine for him. Not for Mickey, never for his ex. He has to visit.  
  
But Ian is a coward, alright, he is a coward, so he waits two weeks. He wants the older man back in prison, feeling better. Mick never said anything about wanting babies, not after this whole clusterfuck that was Yevgeny’s conception, so maybe he isn’t too depressed about losing one. Then he remembers how lively the other man seemed when Ian came for a visit. Mickey was genuinely happy before they talked.  
Two weeks seem like a very long time to him, but when Mickey sits in front of him he looks like he’s been just released from the hospital. His skin has a gray tint to it, and the skin under his eyes isn’t just dark, it almost looks bruised. The orange of his jumpsuit makes him look even sicker. He doesn’t say anything, he sits there staring at his own hands.  
“Hey Mick,” Ian murmurs gently, “I heard about. Um. About what happened. How are you doing?”  
The older man shrugs.  
“Oh, okay. I wanted to… I want to apologize. For what I did. You have no idea how sorry…”  
“Stop. Stop it.”  
“Mick, I…”  
“Shut up,” Mickey says harshly, finally looking Ian in the eye. “It’s _gone_ ,” with that, the other man leaves ignoring Ian shouting for him to come back. Ian looks at his boyfriend’s back and wonders if this is how Mick felt. There is no coming back, and it’s all his fault.  
He tries to get over it, tries to forget about Mickey, and their baby, and _Mickey_ who, he knows from Debbie (who’s heard it from Svetlana), still will be released in five months because they are afraid he is going to sue them for negligence. Ian knows that his boyfriend would never do that, wouldn’t even know that he could, but prison doesn’t. They want their problem gone.  
Every time he sees Yev, or even Liam, he thinks about his baby. The one that he will never get to hold or kiss. He tortures himself imagining what the baby would look like with his and Mickey’s genes. He imagines bright red hair, full lips and hundreds of light freckles covering every inch of its pale skin. Their baby would have Mick’s eyes because Ian loves how blue they are. And it would be beautiful. He needs to see Mickey again. They need to talk, Ian knows he can’t live like that.  
But when he comes back few days later he discovers that his name has been taken off the visitors’ list, and there is nothing he can do about it.


	16. Not yours to know

Now that Ian is over twenty he can admit that he will never leave Chicago. It used to be his dream, but now he knows that it’s impossible for people like Gallaghers. He no longer lives in the Southside, but it’s best he can do. For some it would be depressing, but he finds it comforting. He knows where he stands, and he is okay with it. He lives with Caleb in a pretty nice apartment and has a job that not only pays well, but is also enjoyable. Caleb is… his boyfriend is great. There are no butterflies or fireworks, but their relationship is nice and calm, the older man is dependable and safe. Recently, he started mentioning kids, and Ian loves kids. He definitely wants to have one, but he pretends to still be thinking about it. He isn’t sure why, Caleb would be a _great_ dad. He just… he needs to wait.  
His job and sexy boyfriend are not the only things that make his life great. Sometimes he even thinks that they are not as important as the fact that Mandy is there with him, living in the flat right next to his. No longer a slightly unhinged teenager or a whore who doesn’t believe that she deserves better. She even has a boyfriend that doesn’t abuse her. Robert is a bit of an asshole, but Ian is sure that he would kill for Mandy if it came to that.  
He doesn’t talk a lot with his family. Lip works at a university, but his love life is still a mess. Debbie has a two year old kid which was completely unplanned, but she also owns a small babysitting business, so her life is pretty good. Carl is in and out of prison, more in than out. Fiona is the only adult left in their old house, taking care of Liam and making same mistakes over and over again, currently fucking yet another old boss, and pretending that she isn’t getting any older herself. Ian just can’t deal with her anymore, if he could get his life together then she should be able to do it as well. She isn’t bipolar, she isn’t sick, she is just too delusional and naïve for her age.  
As far as he knows Mandy doesn’t keep in touch with her brothers. Or at least she never mentions talking to them, so he has a small heart attack when one evening he goes out to buy some peppers and tomatoes, and sees someone dark haired, short, and named Mickey leaving Mandy’s flat. He drops his keys making enough noise for the other man to notice him. Their eyes meet, Ian holds his breath, and Mickey… leaves. He doesn’t nod, drop his gaze or look surprised. His face is completely blank while Ian might be suffocating. When he finally manages to move his ex is long gone, and he doesn’t really want peppers or fucking tomatoes anymore. He bangs on Mandy’s door, enraged. She looks happy and beautiful when she opens, even though she is wearing Robert’s hideous t-shirt and jogging pants.  
“’Sup, Gallagher?”  
“What was Mick doing here?”  
Mandy smirks at him, and it pisses him off even more, “He came for a visit, what else? Quality bonding time with pizza and beer. He also threatened Robert a bit, that was nice.”  
“You never told me you know where he is.”  
“Why would I? You don’t care about the past. It’s also a new thing, I didn’t know he lived around here. We ran into each other at my work, he is into programming now, can you believe that? I think it was our fourth meeting, not that you deserve to know that.”  
Ian wants to laugh. He wants to remind Mandy that she didn’t give two fucks about her own brother when she came back, but he knows it will only lead to a fight that he will lose because Mandy always wins. He needs her more than she needs him. So instead he says, “Did he ask about me?”  
“Briefly. Asked if you’re doing good, I said yes, and that’s it. He has his own life.”  
“Boyfriend?”  
“No idea,” Mandy seems to be telling the truth, but her smile suggests that even if she knew, she wouldn’t have told Ian.  
He bids her goodnight, goes back to his flat, ignores Caleb and goes straight to bed, no longer hungry. Falling asleep is not an option, not when his heart is beating so fast that it might leave its cage any time now. Mickey looks so good. Clean and finally well dressed with clothes on a tight side, eyes bright and alert. He is older, but looks much younger than he did when Ian’s left him. Maybe there is no one for him to worry about. It probably helps that Terry died three years ago and Ian’s bipolar isn’t tormenting him.

Ian keeps Mickey-related memories firmly locked away, until this moment he never let himself think about the boy he once loved. It would mean thinking about the boy he broke, and he fought tooth and nail to make the self-hatred he used to feel disappear. Thinking about what he used to be would undo his hard work.  
He manages to pretend for almost two weeks that nothing has changed, that he is not trying to pick up any noises coming from Mandy’s flat. And for the most part he feels like he is succeeding, but then Caleb points out changes in his behaviour, asking what’s wrong. Ian tells him not to worry about it, and then proceeds to stalk his best friend’s door without much success. Usually he is too slow since he doesn’t want to make it seem unnatural. The growing frustration makes him snap at Caleb more than once, but it’s his boyfriend’s fault for being so annoying and pushy. Three weeks after he’s seen Mickey again someone knocks on his door, and when Ian opens it he finds the object of his recent obsession waiting for him.  
“You don’t have to act like a creep Ian, if you want to hang out with us you just have to ask,” for the first time in his whole life Ian feels embarrassed by a greeting. He tries to defend himself, but Mick’s eyebrows tell him that he is digging a bigger hole instead of salvaging his dignity. He wants to seem grown up and confident, but the older man’s relaxed demeanor keeps throwing him off.  
“I have… questions.”  
For some reason, maybe Mandy told him to do it, Mickey agrees to talk with him, though it’s not really a conversation. Ian learns that the older man got release from prison two months after they saw each other and decided to move because there was nothing waiting for him anyway. He mentions meeting some old guy who wouldn’t let him alone, and who got him into programming. Mick laughs when he says that he was surprised when he realized that he is good at something, but Ian’s heart clenches. He can’t help but feel guilty about it, he knows that Mickey’s confidence took a blow when he broke up with the man. Or even before that.  
The story he hears is so light and easy that it almost sounds fake. He can easily tell that his ex’s life isn’t bad, but something just doesn’t add up. It’s been years, yet it seems like between getting released from prison and starting a new job, it’s been only few months for Mickey. Ian tries to press, but backs away when he is met with resistance. He is well aware of the fact that Mick doesn’t owe him anything.  
He doesn’t tell Caleb about the meeting. When his boyfriend comes home with yet another story about an old building falling apart Ian pretends to be interested while he keeps replaying everything in his head. Mickey’s beautiful full lips, the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the happiness radiating from him. He can finally replace the old image that he has stuck in his head with a new one in which Mick is happy again.  
It’s the first time he lies to his boyfriend, but not the last. It happens again and again because he starts to hang out at Mandy’s place almost every time Mickey is there. The first time he expects to be refused, but the Milkovich siblings don’t seem to mind him. Caleb can’t know, he wouldn’t understand. He is still convinced that Mick abused him, and Ian is too much of a coward to admit that maybe he wasn’t much better. That maybe he was worse. But it doesn’t matter anymore because they are fine. Mickey treats him like he is Mandy’s friend, like they never fucked or made love. There is a bit of a distance between them, but not enough to make things uncomfortable. Ian, on the other hand, starts to remember why he was so infatuated with this boy… man, really. This new Mickey is so much different than the one he used to know, but at the same time Ian still feels like he knows him.  
One major difference is that the older man always leaves around 6 pm and never has more than one beer. Hard liquor is completely out of question. He doesn’t get into fights anymore, so when he disappears for almost three weeks straight and comes back with a fading bruise under one of his brilliant eyes Ian is more than concerned.  
“Did Tommy do that?” he asks before other man has a chance to speak.  
“What? How do you know that name?”  
“I… I saw his name on a caller few times,” he quietly admits.  
“Not his fault. I’ve been seeing this guy, but I decided to end it, and he didn’t like it.”  
Ian feels hot all over, hands immediately turning into fists, “Do you need help with that?”  
“Nah, it’s all good Firecrotch,” it’s the first time Mickey called him like that after their reunion, and he is ashamed to admit – even if only to himself, that his cock thickens in his trousers. But then six pm comes, Tommy calls, Mick leaves, and Ian comes up with a plan.

It’s not a good plan. It’s a completely ridiculous plan, but Ian does it anyway because he never knew how to stop himself from doing stupid things. At least this time it’s not going to hurt anyone, it may even free him of his obsession. He fights with Caleb just before leaving for Mandy’s, his boyfriend finally getting suspicious, and it makes his blood buzz. It’s still buzzing two hours later when he follows Mickey... somewhere. Thankfully, the older man chooses to walk, so Ian can keep up. His imagination runs wild, and he expects to see a big, handsome guy waiting for his ex, probably ready to fuck him senseless. What he doesn’t expect is a boy in a ridiculous blue hat with ear flaps who throws himself at Mickey. Ian can’t see the boy’s face properly, and the pair walks away soon after. He doesn’t feel like following them anymore. He tries to make sense of what he’s just seen, but comes up with nothing. His curiosity, instead of being quenched, is ignited.  
The idea hits him at the most inappropriate moment while Caleb is asking him to slow down (he always does that, can’t take it as hard as Ian likes to give it). By the time he finishes fucking Caleb, and has to think about someone else to come himself, he knows what he is going to do. If he didn’t know how it feels when his pills stop working he would think that this is the cause of his insatiable need to _know_. But he knows that it’s on him, he can’t blame his bipolar for wanting to know every single detail of Mickey’s life.  
The next time Mick is around Ian thinks he can more or less predict when the kid is going to call, so he runs like crazy to the same spot as week before. The boy is already waiting, silly hat still on his head. Ian approaches him slowly, feeling like a pedophile. He wonders whether it’s Iggy’s son. That could be it, Milkovich brothers loved to fuck around, but being responsible was never their thing. Then he looks at boy’s pale face, big, blue eyes with flecks of green and freckles covering his nose and cheeks. The kid just blinks at him, not even trying to move away when Ian reaches for the hat and pulls it off to reveal bright red hair. It’s less curly than Ian’s was when he was this age, but it’s similar enough for him to fall to his knees. He is crying when Mickey finally joins them. Tommy is either very shy or shocked because he hasn’t said a thing even though Ian is clinging to his hand. It must hurt, but the boys just stares.  
He doesn’t know whether he should punch or kiss his ex boyfriend, so he does both. Mick’s lips taste of blood and salt. Then he runs again. Runs until he reaches his flat where Caleb is waiting, and this time their fight gets physical. Ian doesn’t care that it’s not Caleb’s fault, that he is simply taking everything out on him. Caleb wants to talk. Ian wants him gone. 

“Did you know?” Ian feels like he is experiencing deja vu, but this time his voice must sound more threatening because Mandy doesn’t actually open the door fully.  
“What the fuck?!” she asks eyeing him warily.  
“Did you know about Tommy?”  
“What Tommy? Go away and come back when you calm down,” Mandy tries to close the door, but he pushes one of his legs inside.  
“Give me Mickey’s address.” She doesn’t want to, but Ian is adamant about it, and for the first time in forever he manages to win. Due to its nature, it’s a bittersweet victory.  
He doesn’t warn his ex, but he is quite sure that Mandy already told him everything. He knows that there is no point in drawing it out, yet he smokes three cigarettes before finally entering the building. It takes almost ten minutes of pacing in front of Mick’s flat before he finally rings the bell.  
“Come in,” Mickey shouts from the inside, and Ian considers leaving. Only he can’t. He is angry and confused, but he can’t do that again. So he comes in and sees Tommy munching on a piece of toast, watching a cartoon while Mickey is doing push ups.  
“I… we need to talk,” Ian starts awkwardly, immediately distracted by the older man’s bulging muscles. The other man isn’t surprised which confirms Ian’s theory about Mandy calling him.  
“Bedroom,” Ian follows Mick like a lost puppy, trying not to stare. Sweatpants do nothing to hide one of the other man’s biggest assets – his shapely bottom. When the door closes behind them Mickey calmly leans against it, one thick eyebrow cocked inquiringly. His lip still looks quite raw.  
“He is… Tommy is… He is my son, right?”  
And his ex is not going to make it easy because he simply says, “Tommy is _my_ son.”  
“But he, I can see, he has my hair and freckles, and… he looks like me. I’m not blind.”  
“You left.”  
“So you already knew? When I came for a visit?”  
Mick shrugs. It’s a yes.  
“Jesus. And you’ve never considered telling me?”  
“You left,” Mickey repeats with much more vehemence, “You didn’t want to stay for me, you already started building a new life. I was considering an abortion, but I couldn’t do it. Tommy is mine, I was the one who got cut open so he could live. I carried him, cared for him, and gave him everything when I had nothing and no one. I did it, and he is mine.”  
“You never gave me a chance.”  
“You didn’t deserve it!” Ian takes a step back. And then another one. It finally hits him that Mickey pretended that he wasn’t hurt anymore. He can only guess why. It could be because the older man was protecting Tommy, or maybe he was protecting Ian, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to handle it. Ian doesn’t think he is handling it well with how much he wants to break down and cry. He has a son. Mickey gave life to their son and then managed to start a new life completely alone. And here is Ian, bitching about not knowing about Tommy. It hurts more than anything else he’s ever felt, but it doesn’t even compare to what Mick went through.  
“I’m sorry,” there are many things he could say, but only this one seems appropriate. “I know it’s not going to fix everything, but for what it’s worth – I’m sorry. I was selfish, and sick, and I’m ashamed of everything I’ve done. I probably wouldn’t appreciate Tommy, so it’s better, I guess.” Ian keeps his eyes glued to the floor, too overwhelmed to look at his ex boyfriend, but Mickey touches his face. It almost feels like warm fingers are caressing his jaw before they force him to lift his head and stare into the bright blue eyes.  
“We were both kind of dumb back then, man. Let’s forget about it, yeah? Come on, you should meet your son properly.”


	17. Begin the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll be without a job in about 3 weeks, so I wrote angst, sorry. Happy(ish) ending though!

Mickey doesn’t need anyone to confirm for him that he is pregnant. He is not smart or anything, but when he starts throwing up every morning and almost all smells make him want to puke, he puts two and two together. He’s got enough brain power for that, even if most people don’t think he does. It’s a bit late for morning sickness to start, but these things are not set in stone. There are few options for him to consider. He could go to the infirmary, tell them about it, and make it their problem as well. Maybe they would put him in a nicer cell. Or maybe he would be released somewhere. He could also call Gallagher, but his ex made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with Mickey. No point in burdening him with a kid.  
And Mickey… Mickey’s had enough of everything. Prison is no playground, no one visits him anymore, and the name he carries on his chest makes him a walking target. He’s been lucky, but luck can get him only so far when he clearly is a faggot.* It’s almost funny how easy it is to make a decision. It’s even funnier when he discovers that he can easily access a whole variety of life-threatening things without trying too hard.  
He doesn’t need anything fancy, so he settles on razors. Two vertical lines just after the lights go out, and he is done. It doesn’t hurt much, he’s had worse. He doesn’t even think about cells that are growing inside his stomach because they won’t matter after a short while. This is mercy, nothing else but mercy.

Ian and his family are enjoying a very late breakfast, which technically should be called lunch but he calls it breakfast because it’s his first meal of the day, when Lana’s phone rings. She sighs heavily and mutters something about ‘assholes calling on Saturday mornings’, but she quickly picks up once she checks the caller ID. Fiona is talking about some customer who was rude to her, but even she doesn’t look like she is interested in her own story, so they all stare at Svetlana who goes from angry to shocked, to devastated. Or maybe it’s something else, Ian can only see that she gets very pale and her lips fall open. She doesn’t even say anything, just grunts softly before hanging up.  
“Are you okay?” Debbie asks because she is always the first one to ask.  
Svetlana shakes her head ‘no’, yet it’s a ‘yes’ that comes out of her lips. She would be more convincing if she said that there was no call at all. Fiona presses, and Lana sends Ian a quick look before muttering, “It’s Mickey thing. Don’t worry, I will take care.”  
Ian knows she is doing this only because of him, so he touches her arm and gives her a small nod, smiling encouragingly.  
“Mickey is in hospital. In coma.”  
“Someone jumped him?” Ian asks because… He doesn’t even know why, maybe because it’s a right thing to do. Or maybe it’s something completely different.  
“No, he... He tried to kill himself and baby. With razor, cut wrists.”  
“Wait! Hold on a minute! What fucking baby?”  
Svetlana’s voice shakes so much, and her accent gets so thick, that they can hardly understand her when she says that Mickey is with a baby, almost three months along. Which makes it Ian’s baby. Probably, his ex might have fucked someone else, but it would be surprising if he got pregnant from fucking a random guy. Mick is a careful guy, he only ever slips with Ian, and that’s because he insisted on not using condoms.  
There goes Ian’s good mood. He offers to drive Lana to the hospital just to have the excuse to see his ex, but the Russian refuses somewhat vehemently. She says it’s family emergency, and of course Ian is no longer family, but it’s not like she’s been dutifully visiting her _husband_ in prison either. All of them forgot about Mickey as soon as they couldn’t see him every day, and this realization makes Ian feel like his gut’s been punched.  
Lana is already gone, and he is sitting there laughing and crying with his family staring at him. They don’t ask if he is alright, they know he can’t be. And they know why he is acting like this.

***

It’s dark and quiet, he is floating aimlessly with nothing weighting him down. He has no body, there is no baby, and for the first time in years darkness is comforting. Mickey is neither warm nor cold. It’s the happiest he’s ever been. Then, suddenly, something shakes, his eyes open and it’s bright, so bright that it makes him ache all over. His eyelids slide closed but shaking comes back. It was so peaceful only seconds ago, and now there is pain, discomfort, there are people asking him questions. He can even hear fucking Svetlana talking in Russian of all languages. As if it makes any sense to him, not that his wife has ever thought about what’s best for him.  
He finally looks at the doctor, tired of his nagging voice. It’s some old guy who looks like every other old, white guy in a white coat and a white shirt. All that white is seriously hurting Mickey’s eyes, but when he tries to speak all that comes out is a croak. How long has he been out?  
“You were in a coma for four days,” the doctor says even though Mickey is sure he didn’t manage to voice his question. “You and your baby are going to survive. It’s a miracle.”  
Someone puts an ice chip between his lips, so he sucks on it greedily before whispering, “More like a fucking tragedy.”  
People around him stop talking as if they expected him to be happy to be alive. He slit his own wrists, and they still think that he wants to live. Hospital people must be seriously delusional. When they finally leave Svetlana explains his situation in a very broken English which tells him how stressed she must be. Now this is unexpected.  
He didn’t think that he had a situation, but apparently the fact that no one noticed that he is pregnant and depressed (he is not depressed, he is just tired of being in pain) in prison is considered as negligence. The lawyer hired by Svetlana (with what money?) already asked to reopen the case, apparently mental state is something that should have been taken into account during his trial. He pretends to care, but he keeps counting minutes, waiting for Lana to leave so this time he can do it properly. Interestingly, pulling out stitches from his wrists hurts more than cutting them open. Probably because his skin is already irritated, he muses while blood drips on the floor. He lets his hands hang outside the bed, not wanting to stain the pristine white sheets, he is considerate like that. He makes himself laugh with that thought, and it hurts like a motherfucker.  
He wakes up again. This time he can immediately tell where he is and that he is tied to the bed. Apparently he can fuck up everything, even committing suicide. And his baby is still alive. It might be a sign too, not that he believes in _signs_. He decides to stop trying anyway. A little too late, because someone else decides that he needs to be admitted to the mental hospital, he gets transferred as soon as they are sure his life isn’t in danger.  
They keep him strapped to the bed. He fucking cooperates, talking with the psychiatrist about his life even though it’s the last thing he wants, but they keep him immobilized when he is in his room. He tells them that he is not going to make any more attempts, but they think that he is going to kill his baby.  
He stares at his still flat stomach a lot, it’s the only thing he can do when he is alone. He can feel it grow, no matter what the doctors say, he can feel it. They give him anti-nausea medication and some other stuff. He doesn’t ask, it makes him really indifferent to everything. He knows he should feel vulnerable when he is tied down, but he is too blank to actually feel it. It’s probably how Ian felt with his meds, but unlike Gallagher, Mickey thinks of it as a blessing. He wanted peace, and that’s exactly what he got. He could do without restraints, but they will be gone one day.

He wakes up to someone touching his stomach, baby bump easily visible under the thin material of his shirt. He doesn’t like it when people touch his belly, only allows it when they are checking if everything is fine, but he can’t move much. He tries to shake his whole body, but hands just press down a bit more, keeping him in place. When he finally sees who is touching him, he is so surprised that he lets out a weak ‘huh’, and that’s it.  
“That’s my baby,” Ian says, one hand slowly crawling under his shirt to touch the smooth skin underneath. Mickey feels violated.  
“They are still keeping you restrained, it’s longer than they kept me. I never thought it could happen to you,” Ian continues. “I always think too much about myself, don’t I?”  
“Yeah,” Mickey says because there is no point in lying.  
“Do you know that they shortened your sentence? You won’t be able to leave the state for few more years, but it’s better than prison. You will be allowed to go home once they are done with you here.”  
“I don’t have a home,” Mickey doesn’t think he meant for it to slip out, but at the same time he is tired of pretending that everything is fine for Ian’s sake.  
“You can live with me, I will take care of you,” the way his ex is caressing his abdomen almost distracts him from the words he is hearing. Almost, but not quite. He manages to meet Ian’s hazel eyes.  
“Why would you do that? Why would _I_ let you? Stop touching me.”  
Gallagher doesn’t. He stubbornly keeps his big hands on Mickey’s stomach, “This is my baby, Mick.”  
“Did you already forget that you don’t want me anymore? Your boyfriend won’t approve, trust me on that.”  
He can tell that Ian wants to say something, but the redhead surprises him again by not saying anything. He kisses Mickey instead, and his blood tastes like any other blood when Mickey bites him. Despite this, the kiss lasts few more minutes, and as much as he hates being used, it makes him feel calm again.  
When Gallagher finally leaves it’s like he hasn’t even been there, but it’s probably because Mickey’s brain is muddled from all that meds he is getting. He doesn’t understand how they can stuff him with drugs and still worry about what he is going to do once they release him. Isn't it counterproductive? The longer he is pregnant, the more attached he becomes to the fetus growing in his body. It was bound to happen, he wanted to avoid it, but now it’s too late, and someone else is poisoning his baby. Of course they tell him it’s safe for the both of them, but he doesn’t trust them. There is only one thing he can do. He has to get better.  
(Or he has to learn to pretend to be better.)

***

Caleb is furious when he learns about the baby, though Ian suspects it has more to do with him hiding it for a while and visiting Mickey than with baby itself. He doesn’t like the things Caleb says about Mick, especially since they all came from him. They end up fighting, punches are thrown, something Ian would have never expected from the older man. He can hold his ground, but it makes him so angry that by the end of it Caleb looks like he might need stitches in three different places. This is far more violent than his fights with Mick and only serves to prove Lip’s theory that what they had was too good to be true.  
He doesn’t have many things at Caleb’s flat, so it doesn’t feel as final as it should when he brings them back to the Gallagher house. He waits for sadness to settle in, but it never comes. Instead, his mind is occupied with thoughts about his unborn child and Mickey. _Mickey, Mickey, Mickey._ It’s not mania speaking, it’s his own voice that tells him that his baby is out. It might seem sudden for others, but it took Ian only two months to realize that he made a mistake. He was too much of a coward to come back, and because of this his baby got hurt again. But no more, he is going to fix them.  
He makes arrangements with Svetlana to put Mickey in V’s and Kev’s house. The Russian needs a lot more persuading than he expected, but they manage to figure it out without murdering one another. Ian is in charge of putting Mick’s things inside the room to make it feel safe, and it takes him more time than it should. Not because there are many things, but because he keeps stopping to touch, feel and smell them. He ends up jerking off with his nose pressed into the worn tank top. He masturbates again and again thinking about Mickey’s full lips stretched around his cock, round ass bouncing while Ian pounds it. He strips his cock raw while remembering the way Mick rode him, cum leaking out of his abused asshole. He imagines fucking the older man strapped to his bed, swollen with their child, submissively spreading his thick thighs to reveal his tight hole and asking to be violated. He cries because he put Mickey there.  
V and Debbie keep repeating that he must be careful around Mickey as if he doesn’t know that. He is well aware how fragile his ex-boyfriend is, he is the one who went through something similar. He will take care of his baby. Of both of them.

Mickey can finally breathe again. It’s not the stale air inside his tiny room that hits his nose, and he almost wants to laugh, but it’s still out of his reach. It doesn’t matter, he is free. In his relief, he doesn’t ask Svetlana where she is taking him. She stops in front of a house he recognizes all too well, and he has nowhere else to go, so he lets her drag him upstairs where V and Kev are waiting. His room is all set up, someone really took their time to make him feel welcome. He would appreciate it more if he wasn’t so tired. As it is, he falls asleep almost immediately after his back hits the bed. It’s more comfortable than his hospital bed and far better than a prison cot.  
He wakes up in the morning to take his pills. Then he exercises because it’s supposed to be good for his pregnant body and takes a long, hot shower after. It’s the first time in months that he is taking an unsupervised shower, but he keeps looking around to make sure that he is completely alone. No one is going to jump him here, but some habits are more difficult to shake off than other.  
He can smell bacon cooking, but it’s not Lana, V or even Kevin that he finds in the kitchen. Gallagher is flipping pancakes completely at ease, like there is nothing weird about him cooking in someone else’s kitchen. Maybe there isn’t, after all Ian always has been very adaptable. He also has no problems with going in and out of relationships, so he probably sees many kitchens (and that’s a very weird thing to think about). Gallagher looks like he is feeling good, and Mickey is painfully aware of how sick he must seem in comparison. He’s always been the uglier one in their relationship, he is used to it. Not everyone can be a smokin’ redhead.  
He accepts bacon, eggs and fresh tomatoes when they are given to him. He moans around the fork, he missed homemade food so much that he doesn’t mind it when Gallagher sits next to him, smiling. He devours everything, even the tomatoes, in under ten minutes.  
“I missed you,” Gallagher says, still smiling. His lips open to say something more, but Mickey interrupts him, scared, “Don’t tell me this.”  
“I won’t,” the redhead agrees, “not because it’s not true, but because that would be an asshole thing to do. And I’ve done enough of that already. I’m sorry for everything I did and said to you. I know it’s not enough, I will work for your forgiveness, but I wanted you to hear it.”  
Mickey takes a deep breath. And another one. He keeps doing it until big hands come to rest on his shoulders, massaging them gently. “I wanted to kill your baby,” he manages to choke out.”  
“I’m more worried that you wanted to kill yourself,” Ian says softly, “I will help you like you helped me.”  
Only Mickey didn’t really help Gallagher, at least it didn’t feel like he was helping at all. But he doesn’t have any other choice, there is no one else who can make it better, he has to trust Ian.

 

 

*I think a lot about Mickey in prison with man's name on his chest. I mean... just think about it.


	18. Not meant to fly

Ian is the kind of a guy who would most definitely be happy about having a child. He helped raise his younger siblings, and he loves teaching kids. He always talks about his job with so much passion that Mickey is almost envious, even though teaching is the last thing he wants to do. He just wants to, for once, be enthusiastic about something that’s not fucking. Not that he should be thinking about it now, there is a more pressing issue that needs his attention. Ian would be a great dad, but at sixteen, Mickey would make a shit father. Not to mention that his… boyfriend’s? partner’s? career would be over. Mickey has been having sex since he was thirteen, his first time was with a thirty-something drunk guy who only used spit. It burned, it hurt, but he kept coming back for more because this is how it’s done in the Southside. So in this situation Ian is not a predator, but he knows that no one is going to believe them. Twenty three year old guy with a sixteen year old boy? It won’t matter that it was Mickey who’s done everything in his power to seduce the older man, he doesn’t look like someone who could seduce anyone at all. It’s almost funny because no one cares when their dad beats them up or makes them sleep outside during winter, but everyone seems to go crazy when there is sexual abuse involved. Which would be good for the actual sexual abuse victims, but not for boys who simply like older dick.   
Mickey knows he has to tell Ian because it’s the right thing to do. Usually, as a Milkovich, he wouldn’t care, but it’s Ian – someone he cares about, someone who makes his shitty life a little bit better. Someone who maybe, possibly, loves him, and even his mother couldn’t achieve that. He also has to tell him because he needs money for the abortion – there is no other option. Mickey knows that the future holds nothing for him, he accepted it long time ago. It doesn’t mean that he is willing to ruin his kid’s life, it’s better off not being born at all than being born to him.   
He practices what he is going to say, and it’s a nerve-racking experience. Talking to Ian has never been anything but pleasant, yet there he is, almost crying because he is going to ruin everything with his stupid body that decided to get pregnant even though they are using protection. He repeats what he is going to say the whole way to Gallagher’s flat, so of course Ian is not there. For some reason Fiona and Lip are. They don’t live with him, so they have no reason to be in Ian’s flat while he is not around, but Mickey doesn’t even pretend he understands how the Gallagher family works.   
“Where is Ian?”  
“Not here,” Lip snarls out because it’s how he always talks to him. Gallaghers know they are fucking, they hate it. They hate Mickey.  
“You know when he is going to be back?”  
“No, and if he hasn’t told you then he probably doesn’t want you to know,” says Fiona, the bitch. It’s not true, they’re simply not attached by the hip. It still hurts. “He went out to be with someone his age, to this new gay club. Maybe he will finally find someone who deserves him, who knows.”  
Mickey bites the inside of his cheek so hard that it bleeds, but his face shows no emotion when he flips them off right before leaving. Ian doesn’t do that, he doesn’t go out without telling Mickey. It’s what they agreed on, mostly because the younger man is a bit of a slut, but still. Ian’s track record isn’t exactly clean either. If Fiona’s words are true then maybe their relationship isn’t as good as he thought it was. He tries calling, but Ian doesn’t pick up. He cries, but only because his hormones are all over the place. His face is red and blotchy when he gets home, so Terry notices him right away. His dad is great at choosing the worst moment to pay attention to him. Or maybe it’s actually good, he can get rid of his problem without Gallagher’s help.  
“Were you crying, you whiny little bitch?”  
“Yeah dad, I was crying,” he calmly admits, at peace with the decision he’s made.  
“No son of mine is a wimpy faggot!” Terry barks, already mad.  
“Really? Funny because I like to take dick fast and hard, so deep I feel it in my throat. And guess what? My guy bred me so good that I’m pregnant, you fucking asshole.” The rest is a blur. Mickey tries to stand for as long as it’s possible under the relentless assault, but he is short and skinny, and his father’s fist land all over his body. It hurts, it’s torture. He passes out even before Terry properly reaches his stomach.

Mickey wakes up. It’s not something he expected to happen. Someone must have stopped Terry, but the options were limited. Only Mandy was at home, but she is fourteen and has nothing on their father.   
“Mandy called the police,” says the voice to his left. Impossible. If there is one rule that the Milkoviches follow, it’s that you don’t call the police no matter what. “You were bleeding so much that you scared her. It’s the first time I saw her cry, Mick.”  
He turns his head to look at Ian, who looks exhausted. He wants to say something, but he doesn’t know what.  
“She told me you came out. Told your dad that you’re pregnant.”  
“Yeah, well. Both things were true.”  
“Were?”  
“I don’t think I’m pregnant anymore.”  
Ian cries then. Big, fat tears making their way down his pale cheeks, “You are right, you miscarried.”  
Mickey doesn’t cry because he isn’t unhappy. He is in physical pain, but all he feels is relief, his mind finally quiet. He won’t have to worry about feeding his baby, finding a place for the both of them to live, raising it to be a decent human being. He reaches to touch Ian’s shaking hand, trying to share his peace.  
“It’s for the best. You can do your thing, and I’ll do mine. I’m sixteen, man, too young to be a dad.”   
“I know, it’s just… why didn’t you come to me? I would have helped you.”  
“I did. You weren’t home, Fiona told me you went out with some guys.”  
“What the fuck, I took Liam and Carl to the cinema the other day. I didn’t _go out_. Wait, you thought I was cheating?”  
“Fiona…”  
“Is a fucking bitch, I have no idea what possessed me to give her keys to my flat. Can you move a bit?”  
Mickey tries, but in the end the older man has to help him. He is too weak. It’s a recurring theme with the two of them. Ian carefully lies next to him and puts one hand near Mickey’s heart. “I love you, Mick. I know it seems weird to you because you’re only sixteen, but this is how I feel. I will never cheat on you, and I’d have stayed even if you wanted to keep the baby. I don’t know what made you doubt me, but I will work on it. I will work hard to earn your full trust.”  
He wants to tell Ian that he is the only one at fault, Lip and Fiona are the last people in the whole universe he should trust, but he is too tired. It won’t change anything, Ian always takes responsibility for everything because he is an adult. Mickey was never allowed to be a child, and it would be weird if Ian treated him as one, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t enjoy it when his boyfriend takes care of him.  
“I can’t wait for you to move in,” Ian murmurs, warm breath caressing his cold cheek. Ian always make shim warm, no matter what.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I think it came out much darker than Lucky wanted (maybe?), so I'm sorry if it's not good enough!

Mickey doesn't know how their fight started. No, that's a lie. He knows exactly why and how it started, he just doesn't understand why it escalated so quickly. They always quarrel, that's their thing. But it never gets this nasty, at least not after everything they already went through. Things cooled down after Mickey got out of prison, two years after he got sentenced. They both were much different people when they met again.  
This fight started with Ian complaining, loudly, about him being lazy. Mickey knows that his boyfriend is overworked and that he should be pulling more weight, but he simply can't. He is almost three months along, and he can't work as a bouncer anymore. Ian keeps telling him to lie to the potential employee when he goes to interviews, but it's hard to pretend that you are not pregnant when you throw up every fifteen minutes. Mickey is sick and exhausted, and all Ian does is complain about every little thing. The redhead, initially delighted with the pregnancy, recently became more distant, almost cold. They are nowhere near being ready to be parents, their finances can't handle it, not to mention that they're still too young, but they decided to give it a try. He didn't pressure the younger man into it, he definitely isn't the one who wants another kid. That's why it hurts so much when Ian seems to blame everything on him. It was an accident, but it was Ian who begged him to try.   
Mickey doesn't want to fight anymore, but he has to ask whether the other man is off the pills and cheating again. It seems logical, maybe he is feeling guilty but instead of apologizing opts for aggression. His hand rests on his stomach, trying to protect it, even though Ian isn't throwing any punches. It needs to stop, after prison he can no longer handle furious, screaming men. Some things just stay with you, whether you want them or not. He doesn't eat much, but the lonely toast he had for breakfast is almost in his throat, ready to come out.   
Ian doesn't stop. Ian tells him he is a piece of trash. Ian suggests the baby might not be his. Ian pushes him into the wall. Calls him a useless bitch.  
“I'm no bitch,” Mickey snarls out, praying that he won't vomit all over Ian's new shirt.  
“You aren't my boyfriend either,” and he would laugh, it's so fucking dumb, but the redhead isn't joking. Mickey watches him pack some clothes, asks him to stay. After all it's not begging if it's said calmly (he doesn't have enough strength for anything else).   
Ian doesn't stay. 

Mickey doesn't cry. He throws up for what feels like hours. He is so dehydrated that there is nothing for him to cry with. He falls asleep with face pressed into the tiles, too tired to move somewhere else. At first it's obvious to him that Ian is coming back, the heated, whispered promises are still fresh in his mind.   
He caves in and calls Ian four days after the fight. He tries five, maybe six, times with no luck. The message is clear, they really are done. It means that Mickey has to start planning. He has some savings, but not a lot. There is no way he will be able to afford living alone in this flat, but there is a lease he can't get out of. What he can afford, though, is an abortion. It's an easy fix. No baby means working like normal people do. Maybe Ian will come back then. Or maybe he already moved on to someone else. That's quite possible if his meds aren't working. Still possible if they are, call it guilty conscience or whatever.   
Mickey curls up next to the bed and thinks. The position makes his joints hurt, but that's alright, pain helps him think more clearly. It's not like he can be a good father, he reasons. Everyone knows that, even Mandy voiced her doubts when Ian told her. Everyone already knows Mickey will fuck up, so he might as well hurry up and prove them right. There are many bad things you can do to a kid. You can make it believe that it's a wortless waste of space. You can rape it, and say it's for it's own good. Or you can bring it to the life knowing that it's unwanted. He knows how it feels to be rejected over and over again by people you care about. He might never admit it to anyone, but it cuts deeper than anything else. And, no matter what others say, he is not a bad guy, he doesn't want his kid to suffer. So really, having an abortion is the act of mercy. That's what he repeats to himself while making a call and later, when he has to fill in the forms. His whole body is trembling when he is given the pills, but he swallows and swallows until they are all gone. He is not supposed to be alone after that, but he lies. He is alone when his child bleeds out of his body. It feels bad, he is weak and exhausted, and he wants to cry. He needs to hear Ian's voice, but the call never comes.  
Then, suddenly and rather unexpectedly, it gets better, easier, brighter. He wakes up, he isn't bleeding anymore and the walls aren't gray. He eats some bread, and it tastes real, so he makes eggs and bacon, even eats some tomatoes. He goes out, the air is so crisp that he concentrates on simply walking and breathing. The club takes him back, a little concerned, but still surprisingly welcoming. He never noticed before that they liked him, it never crossed his mind. He doesn't know if it's happiness he is experiencing, but he is no longer a crying mess, and that's better than he thought it would be.  
It's been almost a month since Ian has left. In any other situation it wouldn't be long, but things change when you're pregnant, you have to think fast. So a month might not be long, but it's still a month full of thinking that you're completely alone. Mickey wants to hate Ian, but he just doesn't know how. That was always his problem, he is unable to hate Gallagher, so when one night he finds the redhead sitting on the bed that used to be theirs, he only feels relief.   
“You want the rest of your clothes?” he asks, it's the safest thing to say.  
“No, I... Mick, I came to apologize. I'm so fucking sorry for what I said. I don't even know how to explain myself. My meds are working alright, and I wasn't cheating on you. I was tired, and the situation overwhelmed me. I wanted to think that I'm stronger than I really am, that I can be a dad. But I will try harder, for you and the baby, I will prove myself, okay? Can you forgive me?”  
“You don't have to, I took care of it.”  
“Of what?”  
“Of this... situation. I had an abortion some time ago. Figured there is no point, we're clearly not ready to be parents,” Mickey tries to sound like it's not a big deal because he can already see tears collecting in Ian's eyes. He expects them. He doesn't expect the whine that tears out of Ian's mouth. He sounds like a wounded animal. Mickey tries not to flinch when big hands touch his flat, empty stomach.  
“Gone, our baby,” the younger man mutters shakingly, “but it wasn't that long.”  
“Felt long to me. I was alone, and...”  
“And scared,” Ian finishes for him. “Because I called you horrible things, left you, and I didn't answer your calls. Fuck, _fuck_.”  
Ian's distress makes him... makes him a little happy. Because no matter what, he was the one who had to make the decision, who felt like there is no other choice. It's only fair that the other man also gets to suffer. It doesn't even compare, of course, but it's something.

They both agree that maybe one day, in the future, they will try for another baby, they will plan for it. Just not yet. And Ian tries hard. At first it almost feels forced, but then it starts becoming natural. Mickey feels loved and appreciated, but he can't forget the things he's heard. He is good at that, remembering things that hurt.   
So every time Ian does something Mickey doesn't like, the older man hints at their fight to make him feel guilty. Maybe it makes their relationship unhealthy, but this is how things are for them now.


	20. We will never be royals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> holy shit why did I do that, please excuse the title okay? okay.

Mickey is a whore. Technically speaking his position has some fancy name, but he doesn't see the need to sugarcoat things. Like everyone in their kingdom – he lives to serve their King and his role, as an omega, is to satisfy King's needs and give birth to the next King or Queen. Gender doesn't really matter as long as it's an alpha or a beta, anything but an omega. He is not King's husband, not at all, this position is filled by another alpha – Jonathan. Mickey is just a whore. In theory, the King should only visit him during ruts and heats, but he can never say 'no', so it is what it is.  
His father sold him when he was seven, and for some reason he barely remembers his life before the castle. He remembers pain, but the details are blurry. He remembers having siblings, but their faces are blank spaces. He has no other responsibilities, his only purpose is to spread legs for the King.   
He was ten when he got used for the first time. Not by the King, who was only twelve then, but by one of the teachers. He had to be ready, but he still thinks he was too young. His first proper heat hit when he was twelve, and King's older brother took care of that. It hurt. Every heat hurts, but the first one was the worst.   
The situation in their kingdom is unusual. Fiona used to be their queen, but she ran away with a peasant and when she came back, someone else already took her place. It should be Philip, but he married some alpha princess from another kingdom and moved there instead of trying to rule over two kingdoms. He seemed to be happy with not having to be a real king. Mickey always thought that Debbie would make a good Queen, but she is still too young and an omega. Omegas are nothing, even when they are princesses.  
Ian is a good king, his mood swings are rather unpredictable, but he is kind most of the time. Tall, handsome and kind. Mickey doesn't want to love him, but he does anyway. He also hates him. Mickey knows his place, but it doesn't mean he doesn't think about bigger, better things. Though, as the time passes, these dreams become less frequent. He never thought he would spend his life on his back, staring at the ceiling, or bent over the bed, face pressed into the duvet. But because of Ian, his life is just like that.  
As far as he knows the King and his husband have sex too, but he has no idea what it takes for two alphas to be able to do it. It makes him wonder why Ian visits him so often, explains why Jonathan loathes him so much. Mickey is not a typical omega. He is short, but strong, his thighs are thick and he can take both alphas and betas in a fight. But he can't do anything when Jonathan orders one of the servants to cane him for no reason at all.   
Mickey can read and fight, and ride horses. He wouldn't be allowed to do any of these if he were anywhere else. No one cares to educate omegas. But for some reason Debbie likes him, she feels sorry for him. He knows, because sometimes she grasps his hand and apologizes for something that's not her fault. He doesn't like girls, but he likes Debbie because they are the same. Angry and frustrated. 

The King is not exactly forceful, but he is too big for Mickey's body. He fears getting pregnant, his hips are too small, even the physician worries. It's not that he has to survive, child is the only one that will matter, but he can be afraid, they can't take that away from him.   
Ian is a big and heavy weight pressing him into the bed, hips smacking into him with every strong push. Mickey is aching, he was born to take pleasure from this, but the pain is always there. The King is stretching him wide open, splitting him in two. Mickey's body clenches around him, unsure whether it wants to push the cock out or keep it deep inside. He is so slick that he can smell himself, it's cloyingly sweet to him, but Ian keeps scenting him, growling and moaning like he's never smelled anything better.   
He doesn't expect the bite, they are not a bonded pair. Of course the King can to as he wishes, but it's simply unheard of, and Mickey cries out in pain and confusion. He blacks out when the knot swells inside him. It's too much, he is lost and overstimulated. When he comes to it, Ian's cock is just sliding out, but the older man stays pressed close to the omega.   
“Maybe now my seed will take in,” the alpha murmurs. It can't be the reason, everyone knows you don't have to be bonded to get pregnant. Mickey just turned sixteen, so it's more likely that his body simply wasn't ready to carry a baby before.  
“You are very beautiful,” Ian says, and it's new too. They talk when they're not having sex because the older man is rather talkative, but never like this. No one ever praises Mickey, there is no need. “No one else can touch you now.”  
As if they could before.  
Mickey smells like his King, he is even less of his own person than he was before. People have no idea how to treat him, he used to be a whore, but now he is a whore who is bonded to their King, so they feel like they need to show more respect. Debbie cries and apologizes. King consort is furious.  
Soon after the bite Mickey starts feeling slightly sick, and he starts to swell. He is finally pregnant, his body doesn't take it well. He is drowsy all the time, his hips hurt, and he throws up after every meal. The physician suggests bed rest. When he is left alone, Mickey cries for the first time in six years. They will cut the baby out of his body. He is going to die, and no one is going to mourn him.  
Debbie sneaks into his room few minutes after midnight, her eyes puffy and red, and he feels guilty for forgetting about her. She will remember.

Jonathan punches him. Again and again, and Mickey can't defend himself, he just lies there not understanding _why_. He is carrying _their_ baby. It's not his, he has no rights to it, so why is the other man trying to hurt him? Mickey knows Jonathan doesn't stand a chance against him, but he has to accept every blow. Fighting back means death and, as unhappy as he is, Mickey doesn't want to die just yet. He is desperately clinging to his worthless life because the bite gave him some hope. Not a lot, just enough to make him think that maybe something good is wating for him.  
He starts bleeding almost right after Jonathan leaves, sheets slowly turning red as he waits for the physician. Ian gets there first, shaking and breathing heavily. He's been running, how unbecoming for a king. He looks both furious and terrified, not a good look on him.   
“He did this, didn't he? I can smell Jonathan all over you,” the King growls, and Mickey would cower, only he is in too much pain to move. “You don' have to say anything, I know.” Ian leaves without touching him. The physician does whatever he can to stop the bleeding, but Mickey closes his eyes because he knows what's coming next.   
He is sick, so sick, it's a great opportunity to get rid of him, but they try to save him instead. Someone, he doesn't know who, feeds him few times a day, someone else gives him sponge baths. And there is someone who sits with him at night when it's too dark to see, he can't smell much in this state, but this someone holds his hand and kisses his forehead. It has to be Debbie, but it feels nothing like her soft, gentle hands.  
He slowly gets better, and his stomach is no longer flat because the baby survived, and Mickey cries for the second time in years. It's not his, not his, _not his_ , but he is so relieved he can breathe again. He is allowed to sit in the gardens, Debbie is there to read for him and the baby. He could ask about Jonathan, but he doesn't. He isn't sure he can handle it. He doesn't see Ian for the full, five weeks.   
His body hurts, but it means that he is alive, so he will take it over not feeling anything at all. The bump grows bigger and bigger, making his small body look ridiculous. Liam, the youngest of the royals, likes to touch his belly and sing to it. It almost feels like they are family, which they will never be, no matter how many babies Mickey births.  
The King finally comes to him again. Red hair is covering his face making him look haggard. He is the most beautiful alpha Mickey has ever seen, and he doesn't complain when the older man slides between his thighs, opens him up and pushes inside his swollen body. He welcomes the stretch, the burn, the unimaginable pleasure. He tries to be quiet, but his lips just won't stay shut, so he moans and gasps completely overwhelmed.   
“I tried to stay away, but I can't, I can't,” Ian murmurs before kissing Mickey who's never been kissed before.  
Ian has to kneel while they are knotted, and he stares at the omega with intensifty that Mickey's never experienced before. It's making him shy.   
“I made sure that...” the King says before shaking his head and starting again, “Jonathan is no longer a problem, I made sure of that. I will never be able to marry you, but you are mine, and I'm yours, and the baby is ours.”  
Mickey knows he will never be a member of the royal family, their kingdom is not ready for a change this big, but he believes his King. He chooses to believe Ian.


	21. My King

Ian never expected to be a king. He was the third oldest child, and it hardly ever happens that younger children become the rulers. He wasn't really prepared to be one, but with Fiona's rushed decisions and Lip's inability to commit, he had no choice but to become one anyway. And he is a good king, unlike his siblings he always tries to put the kingdom first, even if it makes him ache.  
Even as kings and queens, Alphas don't bother with social issues because for them, there are none. They can do whatever they want, however they want. It didn't even cross Ian's mind to think about social inequality until he met Mickey, when he was nine and the boy was barely seven. They brought him in something that looked a lot like a cage, it made Ian uncomfortable. Back then he didn't know that the omega was supposed to be his. He had no idea about the training that took place. It was Lip who told him, who complained about Mickey crying during sex. He was twelve, Ian would cry too.  
He got married when he was fifteen, and he was actually happy. More often than not arranged marriages are unhappy, but Jonathan was handsome and nice. What else Ian could want from a husband? He knew he could learn to love the other man. Sex was the only thing that confused him. They couldn't have penetrative sex since they both were male alphas, so they mostly rutted against each other, licked and sucked. But how were they supposed to produce the heir? By then he knew what Mick was used for, but he would have never assumed...   
When they are finally officially introduced Ian is the only one who looks lost. Even Jonathan doesn't seem confused. He should have listened better during lessons. One of his teachers takes pity on him and explains the nature of heats, but it doesn't prepare him for what he sees and experiences. Mickey is nothing like Jonathan, his body is a little softer, a lot warmer, but the biggest difference can be found between his thick thighs and buttocks. He has a cute little cock and slick hole that swallows Ian's alpha dick with no problem. The first time they have sex Mickey cries and whines, and he has no idea if he is hurting him or if it's a natural reaction, every time he tries to pull out the omega starts whimpering, so he keeps going. It takes him embarrassingly little time to come. But he's never penetrated anyone before, and Mick doesn't complain when Ian's knot swells and locks them together. It's intoxicating, sex with Jonathan doesn't even compare.  
Later he discovers that Jonathan simply doesn't compare to Mickey. The omega is far smarter than the society wants him to be, than he pretends to be. He catches Debbie teaching the younger man and then realizes that omegas have barely any rights. He should have guessed, they brought Mickey in a bloody _cage_ , but he likes to think best of people. He discusses the issue with his advisors, but they are convinced it's too early for any changes to take place. Right as they may be, Ian still needs to do something about it. So he encourages Debbie to teach Mick even more, and she tells him that the dark haired man has so much potential that's never going to be fulfilled.   
Debbie never told Mickey that Ian got involved because he doesn't want it. It would earn him some points that he is definitely losing by fucking the younger man without consent. Sometimes, late at night, he fantasizes about being in a real relationship with the omega. He is the happiest when he manages to forget that it's just a dream. In the end, he always has to open his eyes and face the reality, face Jonathan sleeping next to him, arms possesively wrapped around him. There is no great romance waiting ahead, there can't be. He is the Alpha King, and he has to act like one. 

Mickey is too small for him. People can say whatever they want about omegas being built for it, but this particular omega is too small for Ian. But it feels so good that Ian can't stop. Just like he can't stop himself from biting the younger man. He doesn't plan for it, it just happens when he sees the milky white skin on Mick's neck, smells the honey-sweet scent that makes him salivate. He is so much in love that it hurts.  
Jonathan is furious, even more so when Mickey finally gets pregnant. Ian's happiness is suppressed by his husband's anger. He goes as far as to assault the omega, and it's something that Ian cannot tolerate. Jonathan's status might be higher than Mickey's, but Ian is not going to stay away when there is no one else who can help. Debbie is the only one who cares, but even though she is a princess, in the eyes of others she is just an omega. Jonathan tries to argue when Ian informs him that he is going to live in a different, smaller castle, but he can't disagree. Unless he wishes to disobey his king. It means a death sentence, fate much worse than seclusion. Not that he will be alone, there will always be stable boys to keep him company at night.  
He neglects his responsibilities while Mickey is sick, but Fiona steps in to help as a temporary replacement. Their subjects are blissfully unaware of what's happening, but Ian thinks that they would be more understanding than the nobility. They tell him that the omega may die, advise him to save the baby, but Ian knows that if he ever has to choose, he will choose Mickey over and over again.   
And yet, despite all this, he stops visiting. His advisers are unhappy with him, but he also wants to make sure that he is not simply infatuated. Debbie calls him ridiculous, but he once thought that Jonathan was the one. But he can't sleep. His bed is too cold, too big, too lonely. And he knows that Mickey is all alone in his bed too, maybe even in pain because of their baby. Ian bites his lips until they bleed, scratches his arms until it looks like he lost a fight with a cat. He loses, he really does, going to the omega's room like a maniac. The scent is overwhelming, he feels drunk when his cock breaches the omega's hot, tight hole. He doesn't remember it being this good, and later he doesn't remember what he said, but it must have been good enough to make Mick trust him. 

The omega grows even bigger and even more beautiful. Ian wants to spend every minute in their bedroom. Because he moved Mickey to his bedroom. When he retires in the evening the whole room smells deliciously sweet, and every night he is hungry for something that's not food. He licks into his omega's body, drinking his juices. Mick thinks it's disgusting, but then he calls Ian 'my King' and spreads his legs as far as he can. They have to be careful, but they learn that careful and slow don't equal boring. How could it be boring when Ian's heart feels like it might rip out of his ribcage every time he touches the pliant body of his omega.   
The court gossips, that's always been the main source of entertainment for them. Kings, Queens and their whores. That's what Mickey is for them, a whore. King's official whore. King's only whore. And that, apparently, is worse than having multiple whores at his disposal. It's a implies affection, and the court hates it. Having a heartless king is a great excuse for constantly expressing disappointment. Unlike common folk, they don't want a good king, they want one that will provide the excitement. Ian despises them. If he could, he would replace them, but they are alphas, so all he can do is ignore their plotting and malicious whispers following him around the castle.   
It helps that Mickey is the one sleeping next to him. The more time they spend together, the more powerful he feels. The omega is far more feisty than he previously let on, and Ian loves all of it. He was led to believe that omegas are like puppies, dumb and loyal, all beauty and no brain, but it becomes apparent that alphas, and to some extent betas, are trying to put omegas into a box that doesn't quite fit them. Mickey is far from docile when Ian tells him that he is throwing a ball, and Jonathan will attend it with him. He is still married to the other alpha, they have to attend all functions together. Mick will never be allowed to officially stand next to him, the laws state that.  
“I'm a king, and you...”   
“I have to listen to you. Of course I do, my King,” the omega interrupts him, voice dripping with venom. It's not what he was going to say, not even close, but one look at Mickey's furious face tells him it's better not to continue. He leaves the room to get dressed, not wanting servants to see his partner when he is vulnerable.   
He used to enjoy balls, men and women dressed in stunning clothes, sparkling with gems, smelling of the richest perfume. All he wants right now is to curl around Mick and beg forgiveness. Jonathan's scent is sour with jealousy. Their conversation is stilted, the familiarity they once shared completely gone. His husband kisses him before whispering, “You will crawl back when the bitch dies during childbirth.”   
Later that night Ian returns to their room and Mickey is not there. The room smells like blood, and he wonders if Jonathan could smell it before him. It's impossible, just a cruel coincidence. He follows the metallic scent until he finds the source. At first they don't want to let him in, but he growls, threatens to disembowel them if they won't let him see his omega.  
Mick is dying, this much is clear. There is too much blood, and he is unconscious. Their small baby boy is already out, loud and alive, but for just one moment, Ian hates his son. He wants Mickey above anything else, and having a child is not going to ease his pain. You can't just replace one person with another. He kneels next to Mick, holding his limp hand and whispering promises that the younger man can't hear. That won't matter if he dies.  
“We did what we could, now we wait,” the physician says, and Ian doubles over with pain. Tears are escaping his eyes, and he doesn't care if his subjects think he is weak. He doesn't care at all. 

Mickey wakes up after four days, after Ian almost gives up hope. He is weak and tired, his skin looks almost gray, but he is awake. He is breathing. The alpha sobs into the kiss they share.  
“Ian.”  
“My King.”


	22. Flying high

Mickey doesn't understand how anyone could think that leaving him and Mandy under their brothers' care was a good idea. It's probably because no one really cares what's going to happen to the Milkovich kids while Terry is in prison. Mickey is okay with that, but he still finds it funny. It's not like they are staying with Joey and Iggy anyway. He would never... impose himself, or whatever, on Ian, but his boyfriend offered immediately after he heard that Terry will be spending some quality time with his prison buddies. Mandy agreed even before Mickey could open his mouth to say anything, but he doesn't really have a choice. He can't live in a place that belongs to his father, the risk is too high.  
It scares him. He would never admit it, but living with Ian scares him. It's too soon, and he is afraid their relationship is not going to survive it. He doesn't want Ian to support him, he doesn't want a fucking sugar daddy, it's not what he imagined for himself, even if his boyfriend seems unperturbed by the whole ordeal. But he isn't the one who has nowhere to go if things go south. Mickey knows that the older man wouldn't kick him out even if they broke up, he is too decent for that. But Mickey also knows that he is too proud to stay. There is only one thing he can do. He has to be good, and to do that he has to, well...  
He tries to initiate sex right after they come back from the hospital and Mandy disappears in her new room. 'Tries' being the operative word as Ian turns him down. It's the first time it happened since they got together, and he has to admit that it hurts. He knows he is in a rough shape, his face still more colourful than ever, cheekbones in all shades of yellow and blue. Instead of fucking him, Ian peppers his face with gentle kisses and hugs him until he falls asleep. He should hate it, he was raised to hate gentleness, the Milkovich way allows no softness, they are all hard edges and flying fists. And yet he doesn't want to leave the warm embrace ever again. 

Ian gets him a nice, winter jacket because his old one is literally falling apart and doesn't even let him suck his cock in the changing room. It upsets him enough to say, “Let me repay you, I can't just...”  
Ian's eyes immediately turn dark green and he hisses, “We will talk about it at home.” Mickey has no idea why the older man seems furious, but he decides to stay silent until it's explained to him. He needs to be careful.  
“Sit down,” Ian's voice is harsh, so he almost sits where he is standing, on the floor, but decides that it can't be what his boyfriend wants. He chooses a chair that's the closest to the entrance, just in case he needs to make a run for it. “Why did you say that you have to repay me?”  
“Because I do? You're letting us live here, and now you're buying me stuff. We're not even fucking anymore.”  
“Jesus,” Ian sighs, exasperated. “I'm doing this because I love you, and I want what's best for you. You can't walk around in old, ratty clothes, definitely not in fucking winter. I don't expect anything from you, okay? I love having sex with you, but not because you feel like you owe me. Do you understand?”  
Mickey nods. A small part of him wants to cry, he doesn't deserve this level of commitment, he is just a dumb, faggy teen who has nothing but bhis body to offer. But a bigger part preens under the attention, now he really, really wants to suck his boyfriend's beautiful dick. He opens his eyes wide, knowing that Ian has a soft spot for their baby blue colour and whispers, “I get it, I love you too, but... Let me blow you. Please...” he makes sure to sound a little breathy, like a needy bitch that he is. The redhead looks conflicted, but Mickey drops to his knees and in no time pulls out Ian's big dick. It's already half hard, and hardens more as he keeps begging. “I'm going to suck it so good, daddy, you can fuck my face,” it just slips out, he doesn't even think about it, but Ian moans and shoves his cock between Mickey's parted lips, not giving him a chance to prepare himself. He loves every second of it, he can barely breathe, but it feels so good to have something thick stretch him to his limits. He wants Ian's cum to coat his throat, reach his now-empty belly.  
Both of his wishes get granted. He drinks every little drop of cum that his boyfriend has for him, and after that they start fucking again. They start nice and slow because Mickey's body is still recuperating, but he loves it all the same. They are a lot more careful than before, never forgetting about condoms. Ian buys them in bulk, and Mandy complains about finding them in the weirdest places, but Mick is sure she steals some of them.  
It takes him some time to realize that they managed to create their own, small family. Instead of feeling the need to run away, he is happy.

He starts throwing up five weeks before his 17th birthday, five months after the miscarriage. At first he manages to fool himself into thinking that it's food poisoning, but eight days later Mandy finds him crying in the bathroom with a pregnancy test lying next to him. She picks it up, even though it's obvious what happened.  
“Again,” it's not really a question.  
“We were using protection, we didn't slip.”  
“D... don't do anything stupid, okay Mick? Please don't do anything stupid,” she sobs out, “don't do this to me again, tell Ian. Please.” Mickey's eyes are red and puffy when he looks at his distressed sister. She is right. He can't do it again. His body probably won't handle it. His mind definitely won't. Not to mention his sister and Ian. It's too cruel to put them through this again, and he is not the cruel kind, never was.  
Mandy makes herself scarce when the redhead comes back. It looks like he had a rough time at work, his smile forced when Mickey heats up dinner and asks about his day. Maybe it would be better to choose another day, but he knows that he will freak out. His hands shake so much, that he can't pick up a fork.  
“I'm pregnant again,” he blurts out and waits for Ian to ask all the questions he's been asking himself. How? When? Why?  
But Ian says, “Thank you,” and “I love you so much,” and “I will take care of you and our baby.” Mickey thought they would just... get rid of it in a less painful way than before. He thought it was his only option, but now he doesn't dare to suggest it. He still has some time, he can do it later, if he still wants to.  
His stomach stays flat for the longest time, but Ian acts as if he can already see their baby growing. He dotes on Mickey like never before, and the boy doesn't notice when few weeks turn to two months, then five, and his belly is no longer flat, the decision made. Ian talks to their child and carefully makes love to Mickey, making him fall apart with wet kisses and skillful fingers.  
Mickey is scared, too young, unprepared for the role of a father. At the same time he feels safe like never before, so maybe this is what being ready feels like, after all.


	23. you don't get to love me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Anon, let me know what you think!
> 
> And everyone else too, I'm a sad panda :(

Later, Ian thinks he didn't mean to hit Mickey so hard. He didn't mean to make him bleed so much, to leave him bleeding and unconscious. But that's much later when his mind is a little clearer, a little less clouded with meds and illness.   
That day, Mickey tries to avoid hitting back, tries to avoid fighting altogether. It's unusual for a Milkovich to turn down a fight, so Ian laughs and mocks him, calls him a bitch before kneeing him in the stomach. His vision goes a little blurry, fighting feels good, he feels alive when his fists connect with Mick's cheekbones. When he is done, when his boyfriend is no longer moving, he leaves. He is high, he is on top of the world. It feels so good that he doesn't even notice soldiers waiting for him. Soon enough he is kicking and screaming as they lead him to the car, and Sammi laughs in the background. At first she says she is sorry, but it's hard to believe that when her laugh follows him all the way to the car.  
Being arrested isn't as bad as he thought it would be. Maybe it's because his mind is constantly screaming at him and nothing can compare with that. He listens to them, answers their questions and counts seconds, minutes, hours. Fiona and Lip both come to the rescue, arguing his case like they know what they're doing. Ian doesn't need their help, but he keeps quiet because a part of his brain knows that it makes them feel important, needed. Fiona looks exhausted, says that he is like Monica. It's not true, but even if it was, there is nothing wrong with being completely free.  
The army must believe that he is like his mother too, because they tell him he will be released. There are some repercussions, but he stops listening halfway through. He is allowed to call his family, so he calls Monica out of spite. He doesn't really think that the number he remembers will work, but it does. She is delighted, picks him up early in the morning in her beat-up car. She looks older than he remembers, but she is like a ray of sunshine after a long day ( _week_ , _month_ ) of rain. He can tell that she loves him the way no one else does. Later, he understands that he made a mistake, the second biggest mistake of his life. Or maybe third, and somehow all of them are Mickey-related.  
But now they go on an adventure. His life couldn't get any better. They sleep either in a car or in a squat, meeting so many new people that Ian can't even remember their names. But it's okay because he is collecting memories, things that he shares with his mum only. He fucks, sucks and jerks his way through the country, Monica cheering on him, calling him her big boy. He is indestructible with her by his side. They don't have much money, so he steals a wallet or two, fucks a guy or three for some buck. It's a simple, neat solution to their problem, and he doesn't mind, he always liked older guys. Sometimes there are drugs involved, but the pleasant ones, not the ones Fiona and Mickey wanted him to take. These, make him fly high, up, up, up high. These, make cocks taste sweet like candy when he licks them.   
Lip calls and some random number calls. Fiona calls him over and over again, but the battery dies and the calls stop. Sometimes, there isn't enough food, and it gets very cold. But Monica hugs him, kisses his forehead, and it's okay, they will manage, the two of them against the whole, big world. Monica gets really sad for a few days, she doesn't really move, so he has to drive, but it's fine. It's not like they are going to a specific place, he just drives. And when the car breaks, they find an empty building that's in a pretty decent shape. Some cool people live there and let them stay without asking any questions. All of them have stories that they don't want to tell.  
Monica meets a guy called Jack, who is only two years older than Ian, and kind of cute. Ian is really happy for her. It makes him miss Mickey a little bit, but there is Thomas, Joaquin, Luke... and others to keep him company. They steal some parts and one of them fixes their car. Monica looks so much better, smiling again, chatting their ears off. Sometimes, her smile is so big that he thinks it will split her face open.  
They get on the road again, Ian, Monica and Jack, and one night he has to sleep outside the car in a sleeping bag, because his mom needs some privacy with her boyfriend. That's fine, completely fine, he wants her to be happy. One night won't kill him, even if the ground is hard and cold, and it takes him hours to fall asleep. He dreams about babies, of all things, but he quickly forgets, pretends to forget about it the second his eyes open. The day is ugly, it's drizzling, and he really needs a cup of coffee. He looks towards the car, and it takes him quite a few seconds to understand what he is seeing. Or what he is not seeing because Monica's car is not there. They drove away and left him there, with five bucks in a pocket and a dead phone. He almost forgot what it feels to be scared, but it all comes back within seconds. His mother has left him, again.

Some kind woman picks him up and gives him a lift to the nearest gas station where he charges his phone and calls Monica. It takes five tries to reach her, and she doesn't seem at all apologetic about what happened. She babbles about needing space, freedom, discovering the world on his own. She tries to persuade him that it's for his own good, that he is a grown man who needs to stand on his own two feet. She giggles halfway through her monologue and gets distracted, probably by Jack doing things Ian doesn't want to think about in a context of his mother. He hangs up before she has a chance to call him her 'baby' again. He cries in a dirty bathroom before calling Fiona.   
Getting home is not easy, it takes him almost two weeks. His feet are sore, he doesn't walk all the way back to Chicago, but he walks enough for a lifetime. At least it feels like it. Lip has things to say when he picks him up, many things that Ian already knows. He doesn't agree, but he listens anyway because he knows that his brother needs to get it out of his system. They will be cool after that, they always are. Fiona shouts at him before giving him a big hug, Carl just shrugs and Debbie doesn't even turn to look at him when he says hello.  
He takes a long shower, scrubbing off all the dirt. Layers and layers of dirt. He even finds dried specks of cum in his leg hair, which makes him feel both grossed out and a little ashamed. He doesn't remember when it happened. He doesn't mind it when the water turns cold, it's still more than he had for weeks. Finding running water really isn't as easy as he thought it was. He feels better after that, and it's funny because he didn't notice that he was feeling bad before. Fiona makes him eggs with lots of bacon, but it's the tomatoes that he missed the most. The juice feels heavenly in his mouth, the burst of flavour he never really appreciated before (and never will again).   
“You should call Mickey,” Lip mutters around the cigarette he is smoking, disrupting Ian's newfound peace.  
“He didn't call me,” Ian says, but then adds, “maybe I'll pay him a visit.” After all there is one more thing he needs finish, and it's about Mickey. The time he spent with Monica taught him a thing or two about his feelings and things he wants from life. And the Mickey he knows now just doesn't fit into his new life. It still takes him three days to finally go to the Milkovich house because, frankly speaking, it's not the most important thing on his mind.  
The house is as ugly and dirty as he remembers, both in- and outside. It's also unexpectedly quiet. Probably because it's empy, but even the Milkoviches wouldn't leave the house open, so someone has to be inside. He wanders into Mickey's room like he owns it, and he probably does. He could take everything from his boyfriend because Mick is a pussy now, as threatening as a newborn kitten. He almost looks the part, all pale and small-looking as he lies on the bed in a thin shirt and dirty shorts. His eyes are open and they track Ian's movement, but the older boy doesn't say anything.  
“I'm back.”  
Still, no reaction.  
“I had some good time with Monica, but I had to come back. You didn't call.”  
Nothing.  
“So maybe you don't love me as much as you pretend to,” Ian adds, wanting to rile Mickey up. It doesn't work. “I came to tell you that we are over. I really have no idea what we were even thinking, you are not good enough for me. I mean, if I had to run away to feel good... It says everything, doesn't it? So yeah, we're done. You okay with that?”  
He thinks that Mick's eyes widen a bit, but it might be his imagination. He waits for two, five, ten minutes, but the other boy keeps ignoring him. He expected love confessions and some crying, maybe even both. He definitely didn't expect no reaction at all. He looks around and finds a dirty cup sitting next to the bed, so he takes it and smashes against the wall. Nothing. He considers doing some more damage, but decides against it. It's clearly not worth it, and Mickey is used to living in a pigsty. He is also tempted to give his ex a big goodbye kiss, but something stops him. Maybe it's because the blue of Mickey's eyes is dimmed, vacant.  
Fiona suggests seeing a psychiatrist, but it's his decision. He decides to give it a try again after reading some forums. Highs are nice, but whe he is low... He doesn't even feel human then. And he is. He is a human being.   
It's easier this time round, probably because he is calmer, but his expectations are almost nonexistent. He likes his new psychiatrist, she seems like she knows what she is doing. The first pills she prescribes him fail, but the second set is much better, and they finally strike gold with the third one. She is honest with him, tells him that he will need new cocktails and doses in the future, that it's going to change and grow. It doesn't make him feel good about being bipolar, but it's freeing. He will always be on some medication, he will still have good and bad days, but it can be managed, suppressed.  
He also needs to be treated for few minor STDs, but it's better than he expected it to be. At least it's not AIDS. Whe the doctor asks him about sexual intercourses, he stutters. Many, many intercourses with and without protection. His cheeks are burning when he leaves the office, but the simple fact that he experiences shame again means that his mind is getting better.  
Reclaiming his life is a painstakingly slow process. He starts exercising again because it's the easiest thing to start with. It's still difficult. He is used to being fit, and now he gets tired after running for five minutes. His muscles are almost all gone, so he feels like a newbie when he goes to the gym. The guys there are great, though, so he finds both help and a warm mouth to take care of his cock when he becomes aroused after watching men bench pressing their weight. This time, he has no issues with getting it up, none whatsoever.  
He takes up some free classes, starts thinking about the future. Maybe there is something better, bigger waiting for him. One night, as he is finishing his shift at a diner, he sees two EMTs saving someone's life. It's not an army, but...

He is still in training when he spots Mandy. She is in a car, talking to someone on a phone while Iggy drives. Ian has only few seconds to take in the way his friend changed. He hair is still blond, but her cheeks are much fuller than they used to be. He hasn't thought about her in months, didn't know she iss back. A wave of nostalgia hits him so hard that he has to lean against the building, and he decides that he must see her again. Her old number is disconnected, so he simply walks to the Milkovich house on a crisp, Saturday morning. It's his best and only guess, but she was with Iggy, so she probably lives with her brothers again.  
He doesn't expect to see Mickey, Iggy and Mandy all sitting in front of the house, his ex always hated waking up early in the morning. His arms look really thin and there are dark bruises under his eyes, not attractive at all. Ian feels strong, he knows he looks his best.  
“Good morning!” he says, smiling widely. The Milkoviches look up at him, but they don't return the greeting. Mickey seems to shrink into himself. “What's up, Mick? Life not treating you well? Too much meth? Man, where are your muscles, are you trying to be a twink now? No one is lining up to fuck you anymore? Well, not that you used to have many admirers before, just me, really.”  
Iggy sighs heavily and cracks his knuckles, “You have five seconds to leave, bitch, or I'm going to make you leave.”  
“Chill out, Iggy, I'm here for Mandy. I'm just surprised to see that Mickey still hasn't moved on. I did.”  
“It's definitely easier for you,” Mandy speaks up. “You are the one who killed the baby, Mick wanted to keep it.”  
Ian falters, no longer smiling, “What baby? I didn't kill Yev.”  
“No, you didn't kill Yevy,” Mandy says, her voice deceptively calm, “But you did beat the baby out of Mickey, left him alone and unconscious. The doctors said they could have saved the baby if only Mickey got to the hospital sooner. He didn't because you left him to bleed out. You killed your own baby, Gallagher.”  
Ian looks at Mickey then, the other boy is shaking, eyes squeezed shut. He isn't crying, but it's painfully obvious how much it hurts him. “How f...far...”  
“Two months.”  
“Fuck. Fuck!”  
“I'm going to start counting now, Gallagher,” Iggy states. “You are lucky Colin isn't here, he wouldn't count. Five.”  
“No, wait, we have to talk.”  
“Four.”  
Iggy is not joking. Nothing about him screams that he is joking, so Ian runs away before he gets beaten to death.

He should get beaten to death. He deserves to be punished. It's late at night when he finally lets himself break down, everyone else is already asleep. He doesn't want them to see it, they will think his medication stopped working, but it's working just fine. He repeatedly hits his head against the wall, but the physical pain doesn't make the other pain disappear. He messages Mickey over and over again, tries calling him, but Mickey doesn't pick up. He sends Ian a text which says, 'were done, leave me alone. don't come or i will let Iggy kill you.' But Ian is stubborn, so he tries again. 'I'm so sorry, I made a mistake, let me make it up to you, I love you.' Mickey responds with, 'The hell does that even mean,' and then nothing more.  
Ian doesn't notice Debbie until his sister is kneeling in front of him with a weird look on her pale face.   
“Mick doesn't want to see me,” he mumbles out because he is feeling vulnerable and lonely, and needs support.   
“Good,” she says with a smile.


	24. We were born for this

Debbie tells Carl, who tells Lip and soon enough everyone around them knows just how badly Ian screwed up. The whole purpose is, he assumes, to humiliate him. It works, Fiona is the only one who tries telling him that it's for the best because Mickey is a cancer that no one needs. They don't speak for two weeks after that. But it's Lip's words that stab him the hardest, even though he knows that's not his brother's goal. “Your kid would be cute,” because Lip has a soft spot for babies, and he wouldn't mind being an uncle. Gallaghers often forget that children don't fix things.  
Nothing makes him happy anymore, even food tastes like ash. He goes through the motions trying to pretend that his life couldn't be better. He has a stable job, he _is_ stable. He doesn't need a kid. He doesn't need Mickey. Maybe he wants them now that his mind is clear, but he blew off his chance. He tries calling, if only to show that he still cares (after repeatedly saying that you don't, his brain supplies), but the number is disconnected. He tries visiting, and Colin gives him a nasty black eye.  
His friend from work introduces him to Trevor. In any other universe he would have been interested, but the guy pales in comparison with Mick. He is a good person, but maybe Ian isn't. They go on a few dates before Trevor notices that Ian isn't really into it. There is no fire between them. There is no fire in Ian. So he does what he always did best. He goes out clubbing. He takes Trevor with him for company, even though they are never going to be anything more than friends. If they can be that because Trevor is trying a bit too hard, touching a bit too much. But mostly, he simply won't shut up. Ian is used to being the talkative one, and now someone else is taking over. It means he can just sit there and nod in the right places, but it makes it hard to connect with another person.  
He dances until his skin is sticky with perspiration, lets random guys grind against his ass, gets them hot knowing that they will never get to fuck him. Different men approach him, lured by the strength of his arms and burning red of his hair, and his dick doesn't stir even once. He has no sex drive, the cold feeling that lives in his stomach successfully quenches everything. He tries to masturbate once to the lonely picture of Mickey that he has, remembering the way his boyfriend's ass bounced on his cock, but he ends up crying with trousers still around his ankles. Lip finds him like that and has to help him redress. It's one of the most embarassing moments they have ever shared, but Lip is good about it, never mentions it again.

He doesn't expect to see Mickey, not in a place like this one. It's loud and pink, men walking around shirtless, looking for someone to fuck after a short game of pretend. He doesn't expect to see Mickey flirting with a tall, blonde guy with impressive abs, so he stops short, spilling his drink all over his hand and the floor. He comes a little closer, close enough to see that the California guy is hard and is not-so-secretly trying to rub against the shorter man. Mickey looks much better than before, healthier. He put on some weight, his lips are red from biting and face slightly flushed from the heat. Or something else, it could be arousal because there is no questioning whether the dark haired man is aroused, the obvious tent in his trousers is a dead giveaway. Ian fights the urge to confront him and makes himself scarce instead. Then he proceeds to get shitfaced drunk in a seedy bar with Trevor who can't keep his hands to himself again, but it doesn't matter anymore, right? Mickey is out there enjoying other dicks anyway. Jealousy rears its ugly head even though Ian has no right to it whatsoever. He was the one who wanted to break up, who refused to accept the reality of his illness, who killed their baby. He can hide behind the bipolar disorder all he wants, but it doesn't change the fact that some of the things he's done are all on him. Him thinking that he is better off without someone like Mickey. Joke's on him, though, because it seems that Mickey might be better off without Ian.  
It doesn't stop him from dragging Trevor to Mickey's house, while the other boy thinks they are going to Ian's, to drunkenly shout under his window. He isn't even sure if Mickey is inside, he could be still fucking the California guy, but he does it anyway. It takes Mandy with a baseball bat to scare him away. Trevor leaves as soon as she appears while Ian tries to negotiate. The only thing it gets him is a bat in the side of his stomach instead of broken kneecaps.  
He has to call in sick the next day, then he has to listen to Fiona's rant about responsibility. He has so many things to say to her, but he just stares instead, recalling in his mind every dumb thing his sister has done in her life. He doesn't explain why he decided to get blindingly drunk, she would try to pin in on Mickey like she does with everything else. Sometimes he thinks that Fiona blames his bipolar on Mick. It's in his blood, in his genes, but Fiona makes it seem like Mickey made it worse than it should be. With what, though? With his love? With the way he cared for Ian while he was sleeping with other men and making everyone around him miserable? He wants to understand her logic because it makes no sense to him. When he looks in Fiona's big, sad eyes he thinks that maybe she doesn't want him to be happy. Her life is more or less a failure, and maybe she can't stand seeing other people getting better, making something good of their lives. She has mile-long commitment issues, but he shouldn't be alone just because she can't stay with anyone for more than few weeks, if even that. He is not going to tell her, she is his sister and he loves her, even when she is badmouthing the love of his life.  
Shit.

He keeps coming back to the same, pink bar. He comes alone, Trevor finally accepting that nothing will come out of their 'relationship' and therefore no longer willing to hang out. It gives him the space he needs to watch Mickey seduce guy after guy, fuck one after another. That's not true, he never sees them in action, just the flirting part, but he can imagine what happens. His brain plays those scenes on a loop, torturing him. He is not hiding, yet he goes unnoticed. Or maybe simply ignored. Either way, it hurts. He used to be the only guy Mickey noticed in a room full of people, and now he is the only one who doesn't interest the Milkovich boy.  
He watches because he is jealous, but he also does it because he is worried. Mick is good at spotting danger, but he's been slipping. Sometimes, he backs away last minute, right before he leaves the bar with a future fuck. Some men just give off this vibe, you can tell they are going to leave you in pain. Ian, as a mere spectator, sees everything. That's how he knows he has to follow Mickey when he chooses a guy no older than eighteen, but already built like a brick shithouse.  
He finds them in a dark alley, Mick already half naked with trousers around his knees. He is struggling as the other man keeps smacking him against the wall. Ian guesses he is trying to knock Mick out. He doesn't think twice, he simply comes up to them and kicks the assailant before headbutting him. He goes down fast, so Ian makes sure to kick him where it hurts most. Mickey is dressed by the time he is done, smoking a cigarette, watching him.  
“You finally got your chance, huh? Been observing me for weeks.”  
“I... I didn't want you to get hurt.”  
“Nothing can hurt me after you,” Mickey says, but then he gives Ian his cigarette. “Let's grab some food.”  
They find a 24/7 diner and get greasy burgers that don't taste all that great, but Ian doesn't remember eating anything better. It could be that he is ravenous after a fight, or it could be Mick's blue eyes staring at him while they eat. Mickey orders a strawberry milkshake, and Ian is half-hard just from watching him drink. Later, Ian walks him home. They should wait for a bus or get a cab, but they walk instead. He grabs Mickey's hand, they fingers stay entwined all the way to the house.  
Ian is going to leave, he really is, but it's so cold outside and Mickey is so warm when they kiss. So he kisses the older boy some more, licks into his mouth and tastes strawberries. They are quiet, afraid of waking other Milkoviches. Ian bites the juncture between Mick's neck and shoulder leaving a bright red mark. They never used condoms in the past, they were dumb like that. Ian is smarter now, yet he still slides inside his lover without any protection. There is nothing better than touching someone you love from the inside when nothing separates you.  
Mickey gasps and moans, lips parted as he shudders from ecstasy. The bed hits the wall with every strong push of Ian's hips. He wants Mick to remember this, remember how hot and perfect they were. He can hear his heart beating, pumping blood so fast he is getting dizzy. Mickey is tight like a vice around his swollen cock, it almost hurts when Ian comes, like the orgasm is being ripped out of him. He makes sure to come deep inside Mick. As deep as he can.  
Three weeks later Mickey barges in his room and smacks him in the face with a piece of plastic. He feels slightly repulsed when he sees what it is – a pregnancy test. He doesn't need to be told what to do, but his shaking hands make it difficult to check.  
“P...positive?” he stutters, and Mickey glares at him.  
“I would say it's pretty fucking negative. We fuck once, and you get me pregnant again? Fuck you, Gallagher!”  
“Our baby,” Ian whispers, staring at Mick's flat stomach. His baby is in there. He might puke from the excitement.  
“No. No fucking baby. I need money for the abortion. Or do you want to do it the good, old way?” Mickey sneers. Ian flinches, but when he looks at the other boy he can see that he is scared.  
“Never. Never again, Mick. Give me a chance, please, give us a chance,” he begs. That's all he can do, beg for forgiveness, for a chance, for a family.  
“You will leave. One day, you will leave,” Mickey is so quiet and scared, so unlike himself that Ian crawls to him on hands and knees, stays down when he is in front of his love.  
“I will sooner die than live you and our child.”  
Ian knows they can't replace the baby they lost. He knows he will still mourn, that Mickey will mourn. But this is his only chance to become a better person, and he is going to fight for it. He is going to prove himself.


	25. Jealousy rushing through our veins

Mickey is well aware of how good Ian smells. Of course he does, that's what initially drew him in. the redhead smells musky and a little spicy, but the best thing about his scent is how strong it is. It makes asserting dominance really easy, and Ian uses it all the time. Even on Mickey, which is annoying. He might be an omega, but he is not a bitch, and he proves it every time his partner is trying to use his trick.  
Ian smells alluring to every unbonded, and sometimes even to bonded, omegas. Their bond is obvious, but others don't care. They want to find the best alpha possible, and they can't smell Ian's bipolar, so he seems like a perfect, healthy candidate. Mickey can't blame them, but he can definitely blame Ian for not resisting when they hit on him or worse – for flirting back. It's completely innocent, a smile a little too wide, a wink, a small touch that doesn't probably mean anything on Ian's part, but makes dumb omegas swoon.  
Mickey is six months pregnant, and the flirting hurts more than ever. He is feeling insecure because of the major change in his size and the fact that he simply feels unattractive. How could anyone like his big body? They aren't even fucking anymore, the alpha insists on cuddling rather than having sex and that has never happened before. Ian loves cuddling, but it's always after sex, not instead of it. He didn't get all big and swollen with alpha's child to be treated like that. There is a fix, though. What most people don't know is that Mickey knows how to play this game too. He never did before because it's a shitty thing to do to your partner, but if Ian is going to flaunt his amazing scent, then Mickey is going teach him a lesson.  
He knows that if lets his guard down, his scent can bring alphas to their knees. Literally. He smells like rich, dark chocolate and cinnamon, and even Lip, who is the straightest alpha he knows, tried rutting against him when Mick was hours away from heat. He is confident that he could easily seduce any alpha he wants. So the next time a cute, omega barista bats his eyelashes at Ian, Mickey goes for the kill.  
He chooses well. He finds the sexiest alpha (or second sexiest, because the redhead dumbass is always first) who is dark and tall, and curiously – smells like cloves. It's really unusual, and he kind of likes it. The man doesn't stand a chance when Mickey rubs against him lightly, allowing his scent to be just a little bit stronger. The alpha whines quietly, like an overgrown puppy, and it's cute. And exhilarating, he hasn't done this in a long time. He comes even closer, almost touching now. He makes sure to sound a little breathy when he asks for the name, like he is already aroused. Maybe he is, not from the man, but from this whole act, from making Ian jealous.  
Ian is extremely jealous, Mickey can pinpoint the exact moment his alpha notices what's going on. His amazing scent turns sour enough to make alphas and omegas around them cringe. But Mickey doesn't turn around to check on his boyfriend, he continues chatting with the other alpha up until the man goes down. One moment he is standing in front of him, another he is on a ground, holding his stomach.  
“I will cut your dick off if you ever come close to my omega again, bitch,” Ian growls before spitting on the man. Mick doesn't know if he is more amused or turned on by the display.  
“What? It's just a little bit of flirting,” he is quoting something that the redhead said weeks ago. He does it just to rile him up more, so he isn't surprised when the younger man grabs him by the wrist and pulls towards the car.  
Ian stinks up the car with his sour scent, but it doesn't stop Mickey from getting wet. Even more so when they finally reach the house, and Ian slams him into the wall. It's more of a shove than a slam, he would never hurt their baby, but it still works the omega up. His udnerwear is completely soaked through.  
“He turned you on, huh? This poor excuse for an alpha get you goin'? You wanna suck his dick? Get his knot, huh? Bet he wouldn't be able to really feel your slutty holes! You liked him this much? Answer me!”  
“About as much as you like other omegas!”  
“It's not the fucking same! I only get off to you!”  
“Why do you think my ass is so wet, you idiot?! I want your dick, alpha.”  
They stare at each other for a few seconds before Ian pounces on him, big hands pinning the omega to the wall as he kisses Mickey until their lips are bruised and teeth smeared with blood. “Fuck me, alpha,” he begs, and Ian picks him up like he doesn't weight anything. His ass is pressed against Ian's crotch, making it wet as well. He always gets so wet, so fucking needy when his alpha is around. He bounces on the bed when the younger man throws him on it, legs spreading submissively. He can't control it sometimes. He doesn't want to.  
They tear off each other's clothes, shirts definitely a lost cause now, and Ian immediately goes down on him. The alpha's tongue and fingers aren't enough, but at the same time it feels so right when Ian sucks out his slick, moaning like it's the best thing he's ever tasted. It might be, Mick knows he tastes damn good. Ian can spend ours just lapping at his hole, torturing and drinking him. The baby in his stomach makes it hard for him to move fast, but he wiggles to let his partner know that he needs more. Two slim fingers slide inside him, but he can barely feel them with how naturally open he already is. He is a textbook example of a needy omega, and he fucking loves it. Ian finds his prostate and presses against it, not really rubbing, just applying pressure to the sensitive bundle of nerves.  
“Ian, fuck!”  
“Tell me what you want,” he can feel the alpha purr against his skin where his lips are pressed. It drives him mad when the other man purrs, he only does it during sex.  
“I want your big knot, alpha,” Mickey admits defeat. He can say anything he wants when they are fucking, there is no fear, no shame.  
Ian's glans is big, but nowhere close to the size of his knot, that is already swelling. The alpha rams into him so hard that he slides on the bed and has to dig his fingers into Ian's sides to avoid hitting the wall.  
“You like it, huh? You like it when I fuck your boy pussy, you little slut. All you want is my dick inside your fucking ass,” Ian babbles, drilling into him.  
“Slow down a bit, you will fuck the baby out of me,” Mick laughs breathlessly. Ian just growls and nips at his clavicles. He doesn't go any slower, but he starts rolling his hips more, brushing against Mickey's prostate with every thrust. The knot starts catching at his rim, this is his favourite moment. They like to wait for as long as they can, prolonging the act. Mickey loves it when his alpha has to use a bit of strength to pull out, not enough to hurt him, just to make it burn. Then Ian has to shove in one last time, tightly locking them together.  
When Ian's knot expands it's as big as his fist, and Mickey always screams then. It's too big, too much, too fucking perfect. He comes all over himself, come hitting his neck and chin. Ian collects it with his tongue and spits back into omega's mouth, and maybe it's a little gross, but Mick still swallows. He is a good omega.  
“My baby,” Ian whispers lovingly, peppering his face with kisses. His alpha is silly like that, first fucks him rough and then caters to him tenderly.  
“You are so hot when you are jealous.”  
“Mhm, but no flirting again.”  
“Yeah, daddy,” Mickey says jokingly, but his alpha moans again, and he can feel him coming again. He loves being full of Ian's come, and he knows is going to use the newfound kink over and over again, for as long as it will work.


	26. It's not the beach that I want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie. The last episode with Mickey fucked me up real bad. To the point where I can barely stand Ian. And I feel like I need to take a bit of a break from them. Maybe it's because I'm so stressed out about everything in my life, but Gallavich isn't really helping. I will try to write something for Christmas, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to, all things considered.

Mickey might have everything figured out about Mexico, but Ian has no idea. Not just about Mexico, about everything. He doesn't want to go back to the shady businesses, he loves being an EMT. His life is good. Mickey's might not be, but his is, and he isn't selfless enough to give it up just yet. So he gives Mick his savings because he feels guilty. The other boy is so happy. He doesn't know yet.  
Just before the Mexican border he says, “I can't come with you,” and watches Mickey's smile fall.  
“So what, you wanted one last fuck before leaving? Classy.”  
“I have a life, Mick. I have a good job, I can't just throw it away.”  
“Don't worry about it, I knew you wouldn't choose me. You never do. Get out.”  
“Mick...”  
“Out. Go back to your boyfriend,” Mickey says bitterly. Ian tries to steal a kiss, but the other boy turns away from him. Ian considers telling him, that he loves him, but that would be too cruel, even or him. He walks away.  
Trevor fucks him hard when he comes back, and he hates it, can't understand how anyone could like bottoming, but it's his punishment, so it's alright. He fakes being sick for one more day before he is ready to go back. Life goes on.  
Not really. His mom is gone, Mickey is too, and he feels empty. Trevor doesn't seem so great, not after everything, but Ian knows he is the best he can find in the Southside. One night they have a huge fight over sex when Ian refuses to bottom again. He doesn't want to do this anymore, they don't have to have penetrative sex. Ian is bad at refusing sex, but the internet helps, learning that not all couples do anal helps. Trevor is not happy, tries to initiate it few more times, but he shots him down every time, so the other boy finally stops. Their relationship is alright.  
Ian's life is boring, he thought he would never say that after becoming an EMT, but tht's what it is. It's probably good for him, that's what Fiona claims, so he doesn't let himself dwell on the past. It hurts, it will never stop hurting. It was supposed to be easier. 

Fiona fucks up big time. She gets scammed out of money she doesn't really have, and Ian wonders why anyone even listens to her if she keeps stomping over her own life over and over again. Lip is doing better, finally has a girlfriend that's really good for him, so at least one of them is going somewhere.  
Ten months after Ian abandoned Mickey for the third time in their relatively short lives, Ian finds himself face to stomach with Iggy Milkvich. He is sitting on a porch, smoking a cigarette, when Mickey's brother comes up to him.  
“For you, red bitch,” Iggy throws a letter at him, and he immediately tears the envelope open, knowing that it can be from one person only. It's not really a letter, just a picture of two babies. They are wearing tiny ponchos, and one of the babies has a curled, black moustache drawn on its face. He flips the picture and finds one sentence written in Mickey's chicken scratch. _I thought you should know that I had your kids and they are healthy and I will take care of them, their names are Dean and Hanna._  
He turns the picture again to look at his children. He sees it now. Tufts of red hair, the shape of their noses. They are his.  
“I'm leaving Chicago,” Iggy speaks up. “He just wanted you to know that they are healthy, very cute too. And I want you to know that he has a boyfriend now. Cool, guy. Mexican.”  
“Mickey doesn't speak Spanish,” he says wetly.  
“He does now. So fuck you, cunt, they have a better father.” Ian watches Iggy go away, he is sure that the last part came from Iggy himself and not fom Mickey, but it still lands where it's supposed to.  
He has a night shift, and he cries twice during it. He has to almost physically stop himself from taking out the picture and staring at his beautiful, tiny babies. They are a bit on a small side, and he wonders if they were born prematurely. It can be that they simply take after their small dad. He has so many questions. Ian wishes Mickey included himself in the picture.  
When he comes back, his family is just sitting down to a breakfast. It's their thing now, Saturday breakfasts are for the family, usually Trevor is there too. Ian kisses his boyfriend. He should take a quick shower, but he is too exhausted. He just wants food.  
It's weirdly quiet,and it makes him uncomfortable. It would be easier to ignore his problems if they were louder. As it is, he drops his fork on a plate, making everyone turn to look at him.  
“Mick got pregnant when we were together. He had twins, Dean and Hanna. I'm the father.”  
“How... how do you know?”  
“He sent me a picture through Iggy.”  
“Can I see it?” Debbie asks gently. Ian shows her the picture, and his sister smiles. “They are beautiful.”  
“Are they really yours, though?” Fiona asks.  
It's Debbie who answers her harshly, “Of course they fucking are. First of all, Mickey is better than that. Second, they have Ian's hair and nose.“  
“But Mick's eyes,” Ian adds shyly.  
“Yes, definitely his eyes.”  
“What are you going to do?”  
“I don't know.”  
“Nothing, you are too young to be a father,” Fiona sounds confident, but on her left, Debbie scoffs loudly.  
“But Mickey isn't? They are Ian's kids too.”  
“I agree with Debbie,” Lip finally speaks up. “It's not Mick's fault that Ian wanted to fuck him and then leave.”  
His family starts bickering, not really involving him in their discussion. Trevor apparently thinks it's a perfect moment for them to talk about it. “Why didn't you wrap it up?”  
“I never do with Mick.”  
“Great to know,” Trevor's voice is drpping with sarcasm. “Let it go, your life is here.”  
“You are saying this only because you are jealous,” he say quietly, before loudly adding, “I love Mickey.”  
It feels lime a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders, he didn't even know that he needed to share this with others, that it would make him feel better. He is vaguely aware of Trevor leaving, too busy staring into his younger sister's eyes. She understands. As a mother, she understands. Then she nods, and Ian knows.

Mexico is hot. It's hot and yellow, and everyone speaks the language he never learned. Cancun is busy and charming, it's Mandy who told him where to find Mick. She didn't want to, but he begged and grovelled until she gave in.  
Mickey's house is painted bright yellow, and there is a man smoking in front of the red door. He is tall with dark eyes and hair, defintely Mexican. He is handsome too, no doubt about that.  
“¡Hola!” the man says noticing Ian's staring.  
“H... hola,” he stutters, unsure if the man speaks English.  
“¿Cómo estás?” the man seems friendly, but Ian has a feeling he is the guy Iggy talked about, which means he won't stay very friendly for long.  
“Uh, I'm... good? Look, I don't speak Spanish. Do you know where Mickey is?”  
The guy looks a bit like a curious dog, head tilted to the side as he listens. It's obvious that he does not, in fact, speak much English. But his whole face lights up when he hears Mick's name. He gestures towards the house, and Ian decides to take it as an invitation. The scene that greets him is like a punch to the stomach, it definitely takes his breath away just as effectively. Mickey is feeding their babies, he is using a bottle, but he is wearing something that looks like a floral robe and that shows off the pale skin of his chest. He can't be getting much sun since he is as white as he was the day Ian acted like a complete asshole.  
“Hey, Mick. I got your message.”  
“Yeah, I can tell,” the older man snorts. He doesn't seem very surprised by Ian's sudden visit. Maybe Mandy has told him. “You didn't have to come. They are doing okay, I just thought you'd want to know.”  
“And then you assumed I won't want to meet my kids? Come on, Mick.”  
“Dunno, man, I don't really know you anymore,” Ian wants to deny it, but the Mexican chooses this moment to come in. His gaze shifts from Ian to Mickey, to whom he says, "¿Estás bien?" Mickey answers in what seems to be perfect Spanish. The Mexican nods and leaves the house.  
„Is that your boyfriend?”  
„Iggy told you, huh? That's Castel, my boyfriend, yeah. He helped me when my car broke, helped me get a job.”  
„Your Spanish is great.”  
„The fuck do you know about Spanih? It's okay, I'm still working on it.”  
„Where do you work?” Ian chooses a spot that's close enough to Mickey that he can easily see his kids and the man he loves, but far enough that their bodies won't touch.  
„I'm helping with running books for a few bars, boring shit, but pays well.” Someone else could be surprised that a Milkovich knows how to count, but Ian knows better. He knows how smart Mickey is with numbers.  
„And... Castel?” he name tastes wrong on his tongue. „He a coyote? Drug dealer?”  
Mickey's loud laugh is beautiful, but really confusing.  
„What?”  
„That's a good one. He is a florist, man, don't let him hear this shit. You will hurt his feelings. How long are you staying?”  
„I, uh, I brought all of my stuff here.”  
„What for?” Mickey blinks at him in confusion, eyes incredibly blue in the bright light.  
„To stay. Want to be close to our babies, to... you.”  
„Right. You tell that your family? Your boyfriend?”  
„No... Well, Debbie knows. Lip probably too. And Trevor is no longer a problem.”  
Mickey snorts at that, but he doesn't ask any more questions. Ian wants to touch Hanna and Dean, but he isn't sure whether he earned that priviledge yet. So he stares at them yearningly, they are so precious and beautiful. Still so tiny, and he feels a strong urge to protect them. He already knows that he would die for them. More than that, he would kill for them. And for Mickey too, always for Mickey.  
„I have a free room, you can stay there until you figure out what to do with yourself.”  
When Castel comes back in the evening he brings bags filled with various food items, and Mickey talks to him while they prepare dinner. Ian hears his name being mentioned few times, and when Castel looks at him there is more hostility in his eyes than before. Mickey must have told him, and he honestly didn't expect that. He thought that it will be easy to get rid of the Mexican, but apparently Mick really cares for him. It makes everything so much more difficult.  
It's even worse when Castel gets him a job. Who does that? Who finds a job for someone who used to fuck your boyfriend? Mexican florists do, and it makes Ian feel guilty about what he is going to do.  
He doesn't speak Spanish, but he doesn't have to as a bartender. He is pretty good at mixing drinks, and it's not the same as saving people's lives, but maybe one day he will be able to do it again. He almost wants to regret leaving, but it's impossible when he watches Mickey take care of their babies. When he finally gets to touch them his hands shake so much that Mick has to help him, support his hands as Ian stares at the innocent blue of his children's eyes. He cries, sobs loudly and Dean makes a startled noise, like he is about to cry, but Mickey shushes him and their little boy settles down. It's surprising how good his ex-boyfriend is with the twins. It was always a struggle with Yevgeny, so Ian likes to think that the older man is better at this because Ian was a part of it. Or maybe it's because this time no one raped Mick, but it's not something he wants to think about. It's in the past, it should stay there.  
Fiona screams and screams when he finally calls her. She stops when she opens his messages and finds pictures of Hanna and Dean in ponchos with tiny sombreros next to them. Even if she is still angry at him, she could never hate children, so they spend the rest of her call talking babies. He can tell that she is relieved and a bit less anxious after he tells her that he found an English speaking psychiatrist. He knows that he has to take his meds, if not for himself then for his kids, and to show Mick that he is responsible. Amusing, it was always him who was the responsible one, but now Mickey isn't taking drugs or even drinking alcohol because he is breastfeeding.  
From what Ian can see, the older man is happy. It makes him feel ugly on the inside because he has to admit to himself that he wants Mickey to be happy with him, _because_ of him. Not because of some Mexican fuck who is boring. Good, but boring, even though Ian doesn't understand Spanish he can tell that Castel is slightly amusing at best, boring most of the time. Ian is better, he knows how to make Mickey laugh until he is crying, and yet, after almost three months in Mexico, he is still a glorified nanny more than anything.  
Castel and Mickey have these... dates. It's the only time when Ian is allowed to stay alone with the kids which really gets on his nerves. But it was his choice, his mistake, and he pays for it even if his jaw hurts from how hard his teeth are grinding. They go to different places, sometimes they even go dancing, and it's a completely new thing, Mick never danced for him, but he is dancing to dumb, Mexican songs.  
Usually, he is asleep when his ex comes back with his current boyfriend, it's easier this way. This time a loud crash wakes him up, someone must have knocked down the decorative plate that's hanging next to the door. He hears two men laugh quietly before they move to Mickey's room. Ian comes out to check the damage, but then he notices that they didn't properly close the door, and he can see Mick riding the Mexican, hips moving enticingly, making small circles every time he grinds down. They are both moaning, Castel louder than the small man, and Ian's body has a mixed reaction to it. His dick hardens, but he feels like he is going to throw up too, so he goes back to his room and jerks off, cheeks stained with tears. It's one of the most unsatisfactory orgasms he's ever had.  
He wakes up early in the morning, but not early enough to meet Castel who leaves around five because he has to help with fresh flowers. Ian is already in the kitchen when Mickey stumbles in, looking both sleepy and debauched. He presses against the shorter man when Mick is trying to pour himself a cup of coffee, feels him freeze. They would be dick to dick if Ian was shorter, but as it is his half wood rubs against Mickey's soft belly.  
“Does he fuck you like I did? Does he make you fall apart? It doesn't sound like he does. I heard you yesterday.”  
Mickey shivers, eyes glued to Ian's lips. “No, but he is not going to leave me. He taught me how to swim. I have a good life now, got my shit together. I'm not letting it go just because you suddenly want to play the family. I have kids to think of now, and I will always choose them.”  
Mick's words feel like a slap, a fucking punch to the guts. It always does when your own words are thrown back at you, and you suddenly notice how wrong and hurtful they were. Ian wanted to teach Mickey to swim. Sometimes, when he couldn't fall asleep and Trevor was already snoring peacefully, he would innocently daydream about teaching the Milkovich boy to swim. It's was a silly dream, but now it's gone, and he wants to cry.  
“I love you.”  
“No, you don't. It's always only words with you,” the desire is completely gone now, replaced with pain, and Mick pushes him away. One of their kids chooses this moment to start wailing, and Mickey quickly leaves the kitchen. Ian has no idea how to make it fucking better. He can talk until his throat is raw, but it won't change a thing, they only ever talked when Ian wanted it, and he has a feeling it should be different this time. 

Hanna is the one who already shows a lot of personality, but Ian has to admit to himself that quiet, timid Dean is his favourite. He loves them both, but there is something about Dean that makes him really protective. With his first paycheck he buys them a lot of stuff they don't really need, and Mickey scolds him for it, but he doesn't know that Ian regrets missing their first months. More than that, he regrets missing the whole pregnancy. He can't make up for it, no matter how hard he tries, but trying itself has to be worth something, he hopes it is. He also hopes that Mickey missed him at least a little bit, even with Castel beside him.  
“Can you show me the beach?” Ian asks one day, and Mickey hesitates, but he still leaves the twins with Castel. Then they go to the beach.  
It's almost evening, so it's not that hot anymore and they can safely walk around, water licking at their feet. Ian has never smelled the air so fresh, it reminds him of summers that he watched in cliché movies about teenagers falling in love. Debbie would always eat them up, but Ian knew that the love they would experience would be different from whatever the TV shows. The love he feels smells of gunpowder and salt.  
They stop after half an hour and sit on a ridiculously yellow, clean sand. Their arms are touching and Ian shivers, finding it difficult to control his reactions.  
“I really love you,” he whispers even though no one else is close enough to hear his confession.  
“Yeah, well. What can you do,” Mick shrugs and his eyes are incredibly blue when he turns to Ian, so bright that it almost hurts to look into them.  
“I want to make love to you on this beach, suck on your nipples until they are tender and dripping milk, and you are begging for my cock. I would lick you open so good, finger your amazing ass and suck on your cute dick. Fuck, I love your dick so much, you would be rock hard under me, and hot, you are always so hot on the inside when you...”  
“Fuck, Ian, stop it,” Mickey says weakly, but he is hard in his trousers and his nipples are standing to attention. There are small, wet spots on his shirt, and Ian reaches out without thinking, rubbing against them. Mick gasps, one hand coming to curl around Ian's wrist. “Stop it, man, my body is still all fucked up from pregnancy. It's not... it's not what you remember, so give up, man, you don't wanna see it,” he sounds so insecure about himself that Ian's heart clenches and he pushes the older man with enough strength to force him to lie down. He wants to see every scar and every stretch mark the pregnancy left on Mickey's body, but now isn't the right time. They need to be alone for that, on a soft, comfortable bed with Mick completely naked and pliant under his hands.  
“I want to lick your soft belly,” he admits, now both hands resting on the older man's chest. He can feel the hard nubs under his palms, it makes him salivate, and he has to swallow the excess. “You were always so good for me, my good boy. My man,” he leans down to lick the sweat off Mickey's throat.  
Ian slowly unbuttons Mick's shirt to reveal small, perfect pink nipples and slightly swollen breasts. “I'm going to suck your titties so good, baby,” he says before going in, wrapping his lips around one nipple while he squeezes the other breast with his big hand. He can feel Mickey's hips stuttering when he starts sucking, mouth quickly filling with warm, slightly sweet milk. His cock is throbbing painfully, but it's not about him. He swallows a mouthful of milk, “It tastes amazing, baby, you are feeding our children so well.” Mickey lets out the unrestrained moan, and Ian decides that it means he can continue. He traces the areola with a tip of his tongue, lightly pressing it to force the liquid out. White wetness appears on top of the nipple, so he goes back to sucking while his left hand systematically works the other breast. He can tell that it's already leaking milk, his hand feels wet. He can't wait to clean it up with his tongue, but not before he is done emptying this one. Mickey is trembling by the time Ian moves to lick him clean, and he doesn't think much of it. He gives a long suck, trying to get it all out, and Mickey screams. It's not quiet, not even a bit quiet so everyone can hear him, and when Ian pulls away he sees that the older man already came. He wants to rut against Mick, but he can't, it wouldn't be right.  
“Mi amor,” Ian says instead, and Mickey laughs, eyes shining beautifully.


	27. The Big Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't install OpenOffice on my new laptop (Word is expensive here, okay), so dunno what I'm going to do. I have a trial version of Word right now, but it runs out on Saturday. :/ So yeah, dunno what I'm gonna do. 
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments if you liked it.

Ian has shot many different scenes ever since he joined the company year and a half ago, a bit of BDSM, threesomes, but he hasn't done the gangbang one yet, so it's not surprising that he is feeling a little anxious. Especially since he doesn't know the main 'star' of the gangbang (the bottom is the center point of every scene). Ian knows that he is just one of many dicks in this shot, it's alright, it's not like he expects to become a true porn star.  
“You are shaking, why are you so nervous?” someone asks from behind. He turns around to face Trevor, his boyfriend of a little over two months. They met on a set, filming a threesome, but they tell their families that they met in a shop. It’s easier this way.  
“I'm doing a gangbang today.”  
“Who is the bottom?”  
“Some guy called... Tyler?”  
“Oh, Mickey,” Trevor's voice holds so much contempt that Ian is honestly taken aback, his boyfriend always seems to like everybody. “He is transphobic, we shot a scene once, and he was awful to me.”  
That makes sense, Trevor is transgender, and it's still a sore subject for him. But at least now Ian is more angry than worried he isn't going to perform well.  
“Could you please stop spreading rumours about Mick? Hmm, Trev?” a big, burly guy who towers over both of them decides to join in. “He is refusing to film with you because you ignored his cues during the scene and then called him a 'cum dump' outside of it. You also added that bottoms are just lazy and should be paid less, not more, for getting all that dick.”  
“I can explain,” Trevor starts, but then says nothing more and awkward silence fills the space.  
“It doesn't matter, just stop it, or we will have a real problem. sAnyway, I'm Rob, and I'm shooting with you today. You didn't film with Mickey yet, so I'm going to explain some things to you. There is ten of us, and all of us get to come twice. You can choose whether you want to come in his ass or mouth, it doesn't matter as long as he gets some spunk on his face, from anyone. His safeword is 'snickers' or three consecutive taps, and you have to immediately stop what you're doing, or I'm going to beat your ass to a pulp. You can call him names, but don't go overboard. If he asks you to slow down, you slow down but not stop. Usually, with so many guys, you have to jerk off first and then fuck the bottom for a few seconds only, but with Mickey, we all get our share. Your dick has to be hard, and that's it. This is why filming takes quite long, but Mick is our best bottom, and his movies always sell like crazy. He is already stretched, so no need for prep. It's your first time, so you can go first. I was supposed to do it, but you gotta feel how tight he is,” Rob smiles and it's kind this time.  
It turns out that Trevor isn't even allowed to be on a set, so Ian makes a mental note to later watch the video recorded by his boyfriend and Tyler. It has to be bad, and he’s a very curious guy.  
They are not using condoms, viewers find condoms to be a turn off, so they all have to test every month and are only allowed to film without condoms after half a year of working for the company. Before that they are paid a little less. It still pays amazing, better than any other job he's had. One day he is going to be an EMT, but right now he has to settle for fucking dudes for money.  
When he gets on set Tyler... No, this guy doesn't look like Tyler, he is Mickey. Mickey is pretending to be asleep on a bed that is big enough for three people, but definitely for not all eleven of them. Ian is rarely ever attracted to his co-stars. It's not that they are not handsome, it's just that they all look like they could model swimwear, and it's not something that he finds very attractive. This guy, though. He can already tell that this guy isn't tall; fit but not overly muscled. Mickey's skin is paler than his even though the other man has black hair. When Ian kneels on a bed to kiss him 'awake' he is shocked by how blue Mickey's eyes are.  
“H... hi,” he stutters, remembering the little there is of a script. Mickey smiles at him, his soft, pink lips part when he whispers a greeting. “I heard you were naughty. One cock not good enough for you, babe?”  
“Maybe.”  
Ian pulls away the quilt that's covering his co-star's body only to find him completely naked, legs already slightly spread. Mickey has great legs, thick, hairless thighs would hug Ian's head perfectly if they were allowed to do such thing. But the way things are, he quickly checks whether his partner really is ready, the last thing he wants is to hurt his co-star. Ian's fingers almost effortlessly slide into Mickey’s body, and he can't help it, he has to rub against the prostate making the smaller man gasp and then laugh. He is still laughing when Ian's cock slowly, but surely, finds its way inside his body. Despite being prepared, the dark haired man is still very tight. He has to thank Rob after they are done, he doesn't remember when was the last time sex on camera felt so good. He is taking his time, adjusting to a new body wrapped around his cock, when Mickey tugs at his arm, pulls him down and moans out, “Fuck me, Red, fuck me raw.” So Ian does, snaps his hips in and out, hands squeezing his partner's thick thighs, leaving red handprints all over the milky skin. He forgets himself for a moment, staring into Mickey's eyes, enjoying the way their bodies just fall together. The other man isn't like most porn bottoms who exaggerate their moaning to sound like bitches in heat. Ian isn't even sure if the microphones can pick up the breathy little moans and gasps that leave Mickey's lips, he finds it incredibly attractive. He wants to hear more, wants to feel them against his lips, but just as he leans in other guys start joining them, and suddenly there is a dick sliding into the dark haired beauty’s mouth. He looks beautiful with pink lips wrapped around a thick length, two more cocks in hands, slowly jerking them. Ian would definitely feel overwhelmed, but Mickey seems to be in complete control of everything.  
He snaps his hips harder, just to get his partner's attention again, and it works. Blue eyes meet his, Mickey's body kind of twitches and he moans around the cock in his mouth. He must have struck gold then, finally finding the other man's prostate. Ian knows it's not the best idea to make Mick come just yet, before nine more guys have their turn, _twice_ , but he selfishly wants to be the one whose dick makes Mickey fall apart. He does it again and again, until he can feel Mickey fucking himself back on his dick, sees one thick eyebrow raised in what looks to be a challenge. Ian was never one to back away from one, so he fucks into the tight heat as fast as he can, ignoring the sweat that collects on his temples. Sweat looks good on camera.  
The other man can't jack off, too busy with other men, but Ian has no intention of touching him. But judging from the amount of precome leaking from his dick, Mickey won't have any troubles with coming untouched, not when Ian nails his prostate with every thrust. Usually, he is very aware of his surroundings, but right now he can only concentrate on the blue of his partner's eyes, the hot tightness around his cock.  
He wants to kiss Mick. It never really happens, only when the director demands it. He doesn't feel the need to kiss the random dudes he fucks. He loves kissing his boyfriends, he just doesn't want to kiss random twinks he screws for bucks. But this time, he wants to kiss again even though Mick would taste like someone's cock. It should be gross, but it makes his dick twitch instead. Sometimes, the kisses are just that good. He can't do it, so he focuses on rolling his hips just right, rubbing against the tiny bundle of nerves that makes all men lose it.  
Mickey's body jerks and he gasps audibly, no longer sucking off one of their co-stars. He lets out a low whine, clenching on Ian's dick before he comes, covering his stomach in thick, white fluid. Ian forgets how to breathe, the tightness almost too much for him. He manages five more thrusts before he is coming too, balls pressed against Mick's shapely bottom, he wants to come as deep inside as he can, make sure he fills the other man up real good, better than any other guy ever. He doesn't want to pull out, but he is gently nudges away and some other guy takes his place. He has to awkwardly stand next to the bed, waiting for his turn again, and he slightly regrets making Mickey orgasm when the man winces, but then the bottom winks at him and takes it all like a champ. Ian can't help but smile. They haven't even talked, but he likes this guy already. He wouldn't be opposed to shooting a one-on-one scene with him. He is sure that the smaller man can ride dick like no one else in the company, and they do have some enthusiastic guys in there.  
By the time all ten guys shot their loads, mostly inside the ass, but some of them went for the mouth too, Mick's hole looks abused, red and puffy, come slowly leaking out of it, and Ian is nasty, so it really turns him on. He already has a half-chub, almost ready to go again when the director calls for a break. Ian uses it to go for a smoke, and someone joins him few seconds after he lights his cigarette.  
“Nice performance, Curtis,” Mickey says around his cigarette, he is smirking when Ian looks at him. He is also completely naked.  
“It's Ian, actually.”  
“Mickey. I heard you are Trevor's boyfriend.”  
“Yeah, and heard that you two don't get along so well.”  
“That’s true.”  
“What happened?”  
“I'm not... Whatever I say, it doesn't matter. You will think I'm trying to shit all over Trevor out of spite, and that he is right.”  
“Try me. Rob kind of clued me in already.”  
“Okay, whatever. We can always avoid each other later. Would be a pity, I'd love to ride that thick cock of yours,” Ian is really happy he decided to put on a robe since his dick acts like it hasn't just blew its load. “They haven't told me that Trevor is trans, okay? Usually, they do. I don't care, seriously, I'm fine with being fucked with a dildo. I was surprised because the dickhead director forgot to tell me, so I said something like, 'no dick today?' It's shitty, I get it, but I really didn't care, you can make someone feel good with a dildo. But your guy got really angry. The dildo he chose was big and thick, just how I like it, but it's different when it's silicone and not skin, you gotta be more careful, man. And he wasn't. He was going too rough, too hard, didn't slow down when I asked him to. He fucked me like a blow-up doll and after he said something about me being a fucking lazy 'cum bucket,' or whatever. We do fucking porn, and he is getting all high and mighty about being a top? Fuck you, man.”  
“Yeah, he... he never bottoms,” Ian admits. He is confused, the Trevor he knows is sweet and caring, a little short-tempered, but always gentle.  
“What? So you are not a gold-star top then? You bottom in real life? Some top dudes do, hell, some of them are not even fags.”  
“I sometimes bottom for the camera and, well, for Trevor too. But we don't do that too often,” he has no idea why he is so open about his relationship with someone he just met. He should know better than that, and yet he wants to keep talking.  
“That right? You do fuck like a top, congrats on your dick, man. You wanna shove it in my mouth next?”  
Ian can't tell whether the other man is joking or not, so he stutters out, “Y... yeah, I can do that. And then your ass again, never had anyone so good before.”  
“You're a sweet-talker,” Mickey laughs before sucking one last time on his cigarette and leaving the room. Ian is pretty sure he is going to come the second pink, plump lips wrap around his cock.

Mickey chokes around him, spit running down his chin as he deepthroats Ian. It's for the viewers' pleasure, Ian can tell that the other man isn't really choking. He still enjoys the tears that appear in Mick's bright eyes when he speeds up, fucking his throat even harder than before.  
He has no idea what is happening, why he is acting like this, so thirsty, like a bloody teenage virgin who goes too fast and too hard, unable to control himself. His instincts urge him to fuck, claim, own the smaller man. It's not okay, not in real life. Definitely not in porn. He knows it. It doesn't stop him from kissing Mickey's swollen lips after he pulls out, licking into the now-salty inside of his mouth, tasting both himself and Mick.  
Then he goes down, down, down until he is facing a thick cock. He presses a short, sweet kiss to the glans before sinking his teeth into a thick, smooth thigh. He feels high when he sinks into Mickey's welcoming body again. The man's hole is gaping now, slippery with cum and oh-so-open, almost loose around Ian's dick, but it feels just as good as the first time. Ian is more confident now that he knows Mickey enjoys him. He wants it to last, but he can see the director gesturing wildly. They need to wrap up soon, so he stares down, watches himself slide in and out of Mick's used body, it always gets him hot. When he comes, it's almost as strong as the first time. Then he sits as close to the bottom as he can and watches three more guys quickly jerk off, one of them shoots his load inside Mickey's mouth and the other two finish in his ass.  
All of them move away to let the camera film Mickey only, and Ian drinks in the sight. The dark haired man is covered in sweat and semen, and his body is shivering slightly; cheeks and neck flushed red. The director gestures for him to turn around, and he does, shows off his swollen hole, spreads his buttocks, so the viewers can see come leaking out of him. Ian wants to fuck him again. He isn't hard, not at all, but he wants it anyway. He could use his fingers or a tongue, or a fucking dildo just to hear Mickey moan again.

Ian lives alone, he can finally afford living alone, and sometimes he doesn't even know what to do with all that free space. There are only two rooms in his flat, that says everything about his previous living arrangements. He doesn't think he could live with Trevor just yet, especially after everything he's heard about his boyfriend from Rob and Mickey. He wants to be fair, so he quickly downloads the infamous flick. It starts off like any other porn he has seen, with fake dialogues and mediocre acting (though he has to admit that Mickey is pretty good, it's mostly his boyfriend who fails at it, or maybe he is already slightly swayed). But the second things get more heated everything goes to hell. Trevor is aggressive in a way Ian's never seen him before. He uses very little lube and roughly fucks Mickey from behind, not even bothering to touch his cock. Mickey doesn't even get really hard, he is moaning but Ian, after shooting a scene with him, knows that it's just an act. Trevor, on the other hand, seems to be getting off on doing this to the other man, sometimes the camera focuses on his ass and thighs, and they are glistening with slick. Ian doesn't want to watch anymore, but he can't stop either. He is hoping that there will be something that will make the scene better, but it doesn't come. It ends with Trevor leaving the room while Mickey lies on a bed with eyes closed, dildo still shoved up his ass.  
Ian is so fucking angry that he doesn't know what to do. He wants to call Trevor and rip him a new one, but it's not his place. It would be different if he didn't know the whole story, if the thought it was scripted. But as it is, he is embarrassed that he is dating someone who abused another person because of a simple misunderstanding.  
Later, he finds himself downloading more... all of Mickey's movies, even the ones that definitely wouldn't interest him in any other situation, like fisting. He is not big on object insertion either, but he watches Mickey being stuffed with various things, banged by different dudes, pissed on, tied up, and he jerks his cock raw. He is fifteen again, beating off to a guy he spoke with once. Real classy. The absolutely worst thing is that it's not even Mick's dick or ass that make him so horny, his face itself is enough to get him going.  
He doesn't see or hear about Mickey for the next three weeks, but then one day he walks into the break room and finds everyone from their gangbang sitting around the small man who looks a bit distressed.  
“Is everything okay?” Ian asks because he can never shut up when he is interested in something.  
“Sort of. I mean, Mick is pregnant and one of us is the other father,” some dude, whose name he doesn't remember, says. Ian thinks he might faint. He more or less gave up on being a father after a long line of failed relationships. Trevor's unwillingness to be fucked only sealed the deal. There aren’t many men who can get pregnant, and Ian isn’t one of them. No one but Mickey seems to be terribly concerned, so he feels a bit better about, well, being happy.  
“You sure it's one of us?”  
“Yeah, man, I didn't get fucked by anyone else, and the doc more or less confirmed it. Fuck, this is so bad.”  
“Come on, it's not that bad. We're all great hunks, the best genes for your baby,” Rob wiggles his eyebrows, aiming for a laugh.  
“Right. Because all of you would be fine with supporting my child.”  
“Man, things like that happen, alright? I know you were on a pill, but birth control fails all the time, we all know the risks. You wanna have an abortion, your choice. You wanna keep it? We will help. I will, even if it's not mine, you are a friend, Mick.”  
“What about the company?” Ian wants to know.  
Mickey lets out a dry laugh, “They are actually delighted, offered me more money for shooting movies with a big belly, they never had a pregnant dude before. Sick fucks.”  
He can already imagine it. The small man swollen with a child, belly making it difficult for him to bend over, so he has to be fucked lying on a side or ride cock until he is full of seed. Ian imagines licking off Mickey's come from the taut skin. He is going to volunteer. He is going to _pay_ if he has to. But that's neither here nor there, what he has to do is talk to the other man in private. He doesn't want to, but it's the right thing to do. He doesn't ask, he waits for everyone to leave, and when Mickey tries to do the same, Ian gently grabs his wrist to stop him.  
“Before you make your decision, in case the baby is mine... I have a bipolar disorder. It's genetic.”  
“I don't really know what that is,” the other man admits, but he doesn't look scared. Ian explains, every word that comes out hurting his throat like sharp pieces of glass. After he is done, Mick's face seems softer, but there is no pity.  
“So it’s not a death sentence. You know it’s not a death sentence, right?” the smaller man asks, and Ian hesitantly nods. “I think I'm going to keep it. It's a really fucked up situation, but I can't really... I don't know, I would probably always hesitate to have a baby, but something tells me I will regret it if I have an abortion. I'm twenty three, it will earn me some great money which is always a plus, so... Don't tell the others yet, it's not final or anything yet.”  
“Awesome! I mean, yeah, I respect your decision,” Ian corrects himself, Mickey's laugh makes his heart swell.

His relationship with Trevor is weird after everything. His boyfriend doesn't know he's watched the video, but he can definitely tell that something is off. But they don't talk because Ian has no idea what to say. _I'm sorry, but I think that the guy you hate is amazing?_ That would go well. And Trevor is... he is convenient. Safe. Sure, the fact that they are not talking a whole lot is as much Trevor's fault as it is Ian's, but overall, it's the easiest relationship he's ever had. Throwing it away for a great fuck and, maybe, a chance to be a dad would be dumb.  
Only he wants to. He asked around for Mickey and learned that he's been in porn for four years, he is from the Southside, and his life before porn was anything but great. Then Ian learned that his last name is Milkovich, and that was everything he needed to know. Everyone in their neighborhood knew Terry Milkovich, people still told stories of when Terry discovered that his youngest son is a fag. Ian remembers hearing that said son ended up in a coma for a few weeks. After all that, doing porn is a much better alternative. It makes Mickey even more appealing, gives him the depth that Ian can appreciate, and explains why he didn't freak out after hearing about the bipolar disorder. It probably pales in comparison with some things that the other man's seen in his life.  
He doesn't see Mickey for three months, and by then he almost manages to convince himself that the dark haired man wasn't so great. This is when he is told that he will be shooting with Mick again. He knows that the pregnant man will be showing, but he is still surprised how visible it is. It's probably because of Mickey's slim frame, but the belly is really prominent. Ian can't wait to get his hands all over the bulge.  
“Did you miss me?” the pregnant man asks cheekily, and Ian wants to say something completely inappropriate, admit that he dreamed about being with him again.  
“Where were you?” he says instead, avoiding the question completely.  
“Sick, pregnancy has been kicking my ass. Morning sickness? More like, every half an hour sickness, I would have puked all over you if you tried to fuck me then.”  
“So you didn't sleep with anyone since the gangbang?”  
“No,” and Ian fucking _preens_ at that, he can't help it. He is so happy that he will be the first one to be all over the beautiful man.  
“You've got some serious issues,” Mickey jokes.  
Ian grins at that knowing, that the pregnant man means no harm, just a bit of friendly banter between the acquaintances.  
“Alright, Tyler is obviously up the duff, so you have to be careful. He will tell you if you fuck him too hard, but don’t treat him too much like a doll,” the director instructs.  
“People could eat it up, though,” Mickey muses, “if we make it seem like Curtis is the daddy.”  
The director’s eyes _shine_ when he enthusiastically nods, “Great idea! You can even call him that! Oh man, they are going to love it. We will start with rimming, then you will blow Curtis, and then do whatever you want, just make sure to change positions every few minutes. Red, we want you to come on Tyler’s belly.”  
Ian’s cock is so hard it could hammer nails, and he almost falls to his knees when the scene starts because he is so eager to get his tongue inside the other man. Even with the crew around, it’s still far more intimate than their first time together. Ian’s hands are the only ones that are caressing Mick’s soft skin. He knows he is doing too much, touching Mickey’s belly more than he should, but no one stops him, and it feels so good to feel it under his palms when he fucks into the hot, slick body. And when Mick calls him ‘daddy’, it’s barely louder than a whisper, as if it wasn’t meant for the camera, just something they usually do.  
The video is released two weeks later, the whole process speeded up because the company wants to see if it’s going to sell well. And it does, it sells so well that they are given bonuses, and Ian gets booked for not one, not two, but four more movies, and it’s strongly hinted that there will be more. The company is trying to milk the situation for all it’s worth, and he can’t complain. He tells Trevor it’s about the money, and while getting paid is always nice, all he can think about is touching Mickey’s swollen stomach over and over again.  
After they shoot the next scene, he is a bit too rough, and Mickey almost throws up. His legs are shaking even after the shower and his face is a bit green, so Ian volunteers to drive him home. It makes everyone think that he is a good guy while in reality, he simply wants a chance to get closer to the other man. They stop to grab some food on their way, and his plan works perfectly. He doesn’t even have to invite himself in, Mick does it for him. The flat is sparsely furnished, but one room is already filled with baby stuff. It’s in both pink and blue, there is some yellow and green too. Ian is a little bit in love.  
“I kind of hoped that I would have to help you with a crib, but I can see that you are covered already.”  
“You think I got one of the crappy ones that you have to put together yourself? Fuck you, Firecrotch, I’ve been doing it long enough to be able to buy something good for my baby. You want a coke?”  
“Coke?”  
“It’s not like I can have beer. And bubbles are supposed to be good for when the baby is too calm.”  
“Does it happen often?” Ian asks, suddenly worried.  
“Nah, but… Just in case, you know. I don’t wanna… I don’t want to fuck up. I’ve had it rough, so I figured my kid should be loved, right?”  
“Absolutely,” he bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from saying that he already loves the baby. It’s such a dangerous territory, and he is in too deep. When he finally leaves it’s almost 11pm, and he has five missed calls from Trevor. 

Mickey is six months along when Ian kisses him for the first time without any cameras around. They are eating pizza bagels and swapping rough childhood stories which shouldn’t be funny, but they are when you come from the Southside. The pregnant man is only wearing a shirt and boxer briefs because he claims that it’s the only clothing that makes him feel comfortable. Which makes sense because, well, he is big. There is no way to hide his stomach, and Ian stopped hiding how appealing he finds it weeks ago. Now every time they see each other he presses his hands all over the bump, and sometimes even talks to it. He thought it would be awkward, that Mickey would get offended, but nothing like that happened. If anything, the other man looks happy, and it takes Ian some time to realize that Mick probably feels lonely in his fatherhood. His siblings live all over Chicago, and it doesn’t seem like he has many friends, at least he never talks about them. There are porn people of course, other than Ian, who like the dark haired man, but he isn’t very close to them.  
So Ian kisses Mickey while they are talking about things that they left behind, and it’s a simple, soft kiss that changes their dynamics. He takes the pregnant man to bed, and it feels unlike anything they’ve done before with people filming their every move.  
Mickey rides him first, almost clumsily because of the added weight, then Ian helps him lie on a side and slowly fucks into him from behind, their fingers entwined on a swollen belly. They are touching from legs to shoulders, and it’s far more intimate than Ian is used to. He loves it, he is ready to tell Mick that he loves him, but it’s only fair that he gives the other man a chance to figure out what he feels, without any pressure on his side.  
After, when Mickey is sleeping, Ian calls Trevor and breaks up with him over a phone. It’s a dick move, but he can’t face the other man, not after cheating on him. Hell, he’s been emotionally cheating on him for months, but he doesn’t want Trevor to know that either. Ian has come to terms with the fact that he always does what’s best for him years ago. He secretly hopes that being with Mickey and the baby, even if it’s not his, will change that.

Mickey goes into labour three weeks early, on a set of a new movie. Ian is right next to him because they haven’t filmed with other people for quite a while. His partner doesn’t want him inside the operating theater, so he paces outside while nurses coo over him, calling him a sweetheart. And, just to make things a little more complicated, Rob and three more guys arrive before the baby is born, probably giving the medical personnel gossip material for months, if not years. They might even become a hospital legend.  
Once they are allowed to come in, Rob smacks Ian on the back with so much force that he almost falls down. “Congrats! Looks like you are the winner!” The baby has a tuft of bright, red hair and pretty impressive eyebrows for a newborn. Ian puffs out his chest like a proud peacock and sits on a bed so that Mickey can lean against him. He has to admit that his son doesn’t exactly look pretty, but newborns never really are. He wants to say something cheesy like, ‘I was always the winner’, but Mickey might kick him out if he does that. He settles for smiling smugly at other guys who look slightly disappointed. It’s surprising, he expected them to be relieved, no matter what they said before. Unplanned pregnancy between random people isn’t exactly the easiest to accept. Maybe they’re just like him, maybe they also hoped.  
Ian is pretty good at not blurting out everything that comes to his mind, but he still says “My sperm is so strong,” making everyone stare at him.  
“You are a fucking dumbass,” Mickey deadpans, and Ian thinks he can hear the ‘and I love you’ that is left unsaid.


	28. Ride or die

He only knows few words and sentences in Spanish, can’t go to a hospital, has no source of income and, even though it’s a pussy thing to say, no support. He can’t stay, not now that he knows. He has to go back.   
Fucking shit.

***

Mandy doesn’t mind Trevor, which doesn’t mean she likes him. He is weird, too emotional for her taste, and it’s hard to get a straight answer out of him. But Ian sometimes drags his boyfriend with him to their meetings, and she’d rather have Ian and Trevor than have no Ian at all. Even if she isn’t sure she likes her friend anymore. No, that’s a lie. She likes him, she is just really angry.  
Maybe it’s because he managed to land himself a decent, respectable job while she is fucking dicks for money, or maybe because the redhead is the biggest fucking dick of them all. It’s probably exhaustion speaking, she doesn’t remember ever being this tired, nervous and exhilarated at the same time, not even when she thought that Lip loved her (she always knew he didn’t, deep down).  
“So I thought we could have a party at your place because you’re the only one without a roommate,” Ian’s somewhat shy voice pulls her out from her thoughts right into a panic mode.  
“No. I’m busy.”  
“Last time we talked you said you have next weekend off.”  
“Right. Yes. But I’m tired, so I’m busy.”  
“You’re too tired for a party? You? it’s not going to be a wild party, just few friends from work.”  
Ian looks at her with his big, blue green eyes, and she can’t say no, even if she really should. She will figure it out, no big deal. She always comes out on top.  
“Okay, but you’re buying all the stuff.”  
“No problem!”  
Her friend launches into a story about the people they are going to invite, talks about people from work, and Mandy can’t imagine ever doing that. Of course Ian doesn’t suck his co-workers’ cocks. Probably, you can never tell with the redhead, he could be sucking all the dicks in sight, cheating on his boyfriend right and left since that’s what he does. Mandy briefly looks at Trevor and makes herself laugh with her inner rambling.  
It’s not that hard, she can host a party just fine. She just needs to… clean up a bit. Maybe lock a room, that should be okay, she has a living room that’s big enough for twenty people, if some of them will be standing the whole time. Or sitting on a floor, no one expects her to provide chairs for everyone. It shouldn’t be as hard or stressful as it is, but in a way – she is glad it is. In fact, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ian calls her to say that he will drop off some things for the party, but he doesn’t specify the time which makes her a little bit anxious. When she opens the door she hears voices in the kitchen, but her heart is racing so fast that she can’t understand a word of what they’re saying. She considers quietly picking up a baseball bat and smashing Ian’s head, hoping for the best. Maybe he will have a minor amnesia, just enough to make him forget last half an hour or so. Then she realizes that it could end their friendship. Although…  
“I didn’t know who that is, I thought you ordered some stuff, and he was delivering,” her brother explains when she appears in the kitchen, bracing herself for the worst.   
Trevor waves at her from behind a big mug of what looks to be herbal tea, “Ian asked me to drop this off because he is still at work. Some alcohol and balloons.”  
“Balloons? Are you five? No fucking balloons in my flat,” she snorts.   
“But...”  
“My flat, my rules, no balloons.”  
“You gotta listen to her, she is scary,” Mickey smirks at her, and Mandy flips him off. Damn right she is scary.   
“Mickey let me in, I recognized him from the posters and all that.”  
“And you’re doing what, exactly?”  
Nothing seems to be broken, but she is not sure if it’s because they managed to stay civil or because Mickey is too big to properly move.  
“I’m trying to convince him that he should tell Ian about the baby, but he is a little stubborn,” it’s Mandy’s turn to snort because ‘a little stubborn’ doesn’t even cover half of it. “It kind of sucks to learn that your boyfriend cheated on you with his ex, or should I say, the love of his life? But it’s not Mick’s fault, and in the end he is the one with a problem. Not that I think that a baby is a problem, but you know. It’s hard to be a single parent.”  
Trevor is rambling a bit, Mandy can tell that he is more than slightly hurt, but she doesn’t give a fuck about his feelings. “Shut the fuck up, he has me, and I will be a better support for this child than Ian ever could, so my brother is not alone, and if you say anything to Ian, I’m going to send my brothers after you. And you know what they’re going to do? They are going to cut you up real good, so you will never say anything again. Rozumíju?”  
“I didn’t get the last part? What does it mean?”  
“I asked if you fucking understand!”  
“Yeah, sure. Is this why you didn’t want a party at your place?”  
“She doesn’t know where to put me. I can’t go back to our house, and we don’t really have friends.”  
“I can help you. You can sleep over at my friend’s place, he will be out of town then.”  
“And why should we trust you?”  
“I’m not like that, okay, I want people to have a choice. You want to come out, sure, do it on your own terms. You wanna tell someone you’re expecting their baby? Do it, or not, it’s not my choice to make.”   
They choose to accept Trevor’s offer because it’s the easiest thing to do. Sometimes it’s hard to be a Milkovich, making new friends is almost impossible when you’re raised to believe that you can only trust your family. They don’t trust Trevor, but Mandy is going to make sure everything ends up fine. Even if it means smacking Ian with a baseball bat.   
Mickey doesn’t complain about the pregnancy, well, he doesn’t talk much at all, but Mandy knows that her brother’s been having a rough time. She’s been there, she’s been waking up every time he wakes up to throw up because morning sickness in Mick’s case means all-day-and-night-sickness. She knows he is frustrated, worried and angry about the situation he found himself in, she just doesn’t understand why he doesn’t blame Ian.   
There were times when Mandy used to be a bit blind, always taking Ian’s side, never wanting to hear Mickey’s side of a story, but it’s different now. If Ian knew he’d be leaving – which he did, then he should have wrapped it up. He had to know that her brother had no access to birth control in prison. It takes two people to tango, but in the end it’s only Mickey who’s going to pay the price. She would have aborted, no doubts about that. She even offered to pay for Mick’s abortion, but he didn’t want to have it. She’s never seen this side of her brother; it makes her proud. She hates her job, hates fucking random guys who think that they own her just because their dick was in her pussy, but she is going to continue working if it means giving her nephew or niece a piece of stability. At least one Milkovich will have a decent life.  
They have everything planned. Mandy found a midwife who does home calls and isn’t above helping fugitives. In fact, she specializes in providing services for those who, for whatever reasons, cannot go to a hospital. She has all the credentials in fact, she does work at a hospital, but sometimes plays a self-appointed role of a vigilante, only instead of a cape and a mask, she has latex gloves and a drip.  
But they are Milkoviches, so everything goes to hell. Mandy drives her brother to Trevor’s friend’s flat and deems it acceptable, there is no Ian lurking in the shadows, waiting to confront Mickey. The party starts without a hitch, and it’s pretty decent even if Mandy doesn’t know anyone apart from Ian and Trevor, it’s never stopped her from having fun before. She isn’t drinking because she has to pick Mickey up from his hide after everyone leaves.   
Mick calls around midnight, and she can hear from his voice that he is in pain. He explains that he tried calling the midwife, but she wasn’t answering, and his waters broke some time ago. Mandy tries the midwife again to no avail. It’s the weekend, there should still be one more month of pregnancy left, and they have no back up plan. They struck gold with this woman, it’s not easy to find a rogue midwife who would have all the supplies. Mandy’s blood turns to ice when she realizes that Mickey might die if she doesn’t figure it out soon. Her flat is full of medical personnel, but she doesn’t trust any of them to do the job and stay quiet about it. There is only one person she can ask, but Mick would kill her… She will deal with it later.  
“I need you to get everyone out, and then come with me, okay? Do you have any of your equipment in your car?” she asks Ian while Trevor stares at her inquiringly.   
“Yes to both, but why?”  
“I’ll explain later.”  
Ian tells everyone that there is family emergency, and Mandy needs to leave soon, so the party is over. Someone complains loudly, but she flips him off. It takes them fifteen minutes to clear the flat and another fifteen to get to Mickey. She doesn’t say anything more, she is sure it will be self-explanatory enough. And it is.   
Mick left the door unlocked, so they get in without a problem. The whole flat is dark, the only light comes from the bathroom. Her brother is lying half naked inside a large bathtub, and blood is everywhere. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, then another, and looks again. It’s not that bad, she’s seen worse with Terry around, it’s just it’s her favourite brother who is in pain, trying to give birth to her niece. Or nephew, but she’s hoping for a niece. She notices how still Ian is next to her, but then he moves, quickly washing hands before dropping to knees next to Mickey.  
“What is he doing here?” her brother asks through clenched teeth. It’s either pain or anger. Or both.  
“I couldn’t think of anyone else,” she murmurs apologetically. Mickey tries to kick Ian when the redhead reaches between his legs, but the younger man easily catches his legs and holds them wide open to check the dilation.   
Six hours later Mandy stares at her brother holding a tiny baby. A little girl who screamed her little heart out when she first came out, announcing to the world that she is finally there, and she is healthy. Mickey, on the other hand, looks like there is no blood left in him, but even though he is exhausted and looks ten years older than he is, he seems happy. She has to help him hold his daughter, but she doesn’t remember when was the last time he looked so genuinely happy. It’s been at least two years.   
“He needs blood,” Ian states, he is still scrubbing off the blood that went up to his elbows. “We need to take him to the hospital.”  
“No hospital, I’m not going back.”  
“You will die, you idiot!”  
“I don’t fucking care,” Mickey briefly glares at the redhead before looking at Mandy. “Her name is Anabella. Take care of her, okay? There is a credit card in a box under my bed, I wrote down the pin. Use the money on her, alright?”  
“You had it planned?” Trevor asks from where he is sitting.  
“No, I... I was going to leave Ana with Mands and go back to Mexico. I want what’s best for my daughter, and it’s not me. I’m a fugitive, she doesn’t deserve a fucked up life like that. Mandy will be so much better, just look at her.”  
“I’ve been stealing your Spanish notes ever since you came back because I thought you’d be going back with a baby. I wanted to come with you,” Mandy admits.  
“That’s bullshit, you have a life here, Mands. Just ask Gallagher, he knows best.”  
“There is nothing here for me here, Mick. I’m an escort, and sure, it sounds fancy, but one day one of those guys is going to get real mad, and I’ll end up like any other whore who was in the wrong place, at the wrong time. I already found a buyer for my house. I don’t want to take care of Ana, I want you to be there for her,” she puts her hand on his shoulder, tight enough to hurt.   
“I will steal some blood from my hospital. It’s actually too easy, no one will know it’s me. I will take Trevor with me, Mandy you take care of Mick while I’m gone.”

The ride to the hospital is silent, stealing the blood is so simple that Ian would laugh if his thoughts weren’t occupied with Mickey, who might die if anything goes wrong. He might die even if he gets the blood, Ian’s never seen so much blood during childbirth.   
“You know that the child is yours, right?” Trevor asks. He is holding the container and staring at the road.  
“I… Maybe.”  
“No, not maybe. You cheated on me, got him pregnant and came back, pretended that nothing happened, jumped back into my bed.”  
Ian didn’t let himself think that he might be the father, there was no time for that. He has a daughter, fuck. Perfect, little daughter who inherited Mickey’s nose and his dark, black hair.  
“You should have told me. But it explains a lot, why you suddenly started learning Spanish. Lessons three days a week? Of, fucking, course you had a hidden agenda, suddenly discovered love for the Spanish language doesn’t cover it. What else?”  
“I can be an EMT in Mexico now, I have everything I need to move there.”  
“You are something else. I really thought we were happy.”  
“You always see what you want. Forcing me to bottom for you, always making everything about you, how could I be happy with that?”  
“Is that what you think? Jesus, Ian.”  
The conversation dies for a while, but Ian feels slightly elevated. Honesty feels good.   
“I’m glad it’s him,” Trevor says when Ian kills the engine. “I was always worried that you will cheat on me with a ‘real’ guy, or what you and your family see as a real guy, so at least I know that you didn’t cheat because you wanted real dick. But first love, how can I compare with that?”   
He knows that Trevor isn’t expecting an answer, so he silently climbs the stairs. He finds Mandy quietly singing to Ana while Mickey sleeps, chest rising slightly with every labored breath he takes. He looks like he is ready to meet the maker, and Ian’s hands shake when he tries to find a vein. In the end, it’s Trevor who does it. They use a standing lamp to attach the blood bag, it acts as a retort stand, so they don’t have to hold up the bag.   
When he asks to hold Ana, Mandy hesitates for a split second before handing her over. His daughter is the most beautiful child he’s ever seen. He doesn’t even realize he is crying until one tear lands on Ana’s face and she blinks at him. Then she starts wailing. 

It takes Mickey a little over a month to recuperate enough so that he can drive to Mexico. Ian’s been visiting, but they don’t really talk. He is allowed to take care of Ana, but Mick shuts off when he tries to talk about everything that happened between the two of them. He has a lot of free time since he isn’t working anymore, he needs to be able the second they are ready.   
One day Mandy says, “We need to move out in a week, new owner wants to move in.” So Ian tells her, that he is coming with them. The Milkovich siblings try to stare him down, make him back out, but he gives them the chin, Anabella safely tucked in his arms.   
“Do whatever the fuck you want,” Mickey finally says.  
Ian tells his family, and Fiona threatens to call the police. It’s Lip who takes his side and reminds Fiona that she is the last person to judge anyone’s choices. After that his brother gives him some money and wishes him good luck. Ian doesn’t need the money, but he understands that it’s the only way Lip can help him, so he accepts. It’s not a lot anyway. He packs his bags, documents, bottles and bottles of pills, and prays that the Milkoviches will wait for him. Mandy promised they will, but Ian knows from experience that words don’t mean much, it’s very easy to say something if it will give you what you want. It’s almost three in the morning when he gets to the meeting place, and there is a new, black minivan waiting for him.   
They ride.   
He recognizes the route, they are taking the exact same route they did almost a year before. Guilt hits him like a sledgehammer, but Mickey doesn’t even look at him. It takes longer this time, they need to make stops more often because of Mick, who is still in pain. Ian tries not to look when the older man feeds Ana, he feels like he doesn’t deserve to witness it. Not yet.   
They switch every few hours, and when it’s his turn to take a nap in the backseat, he finds it difficult to fall asleep.  
“Show me our documents,” he hears Mickey say, “The fuck? Michał and Amanda Balik? Why did you make us Polish?”  
“No one knows shit about Poland. Besides, we were born there, but we’re Canadian, I have everything. Birth certificates, passports, I even got you a high school diploma.”  
“Bitch,” Mickey says with fondness.  
After a beat, Mandy whispers, “What are you going to do about Ian?”  
“Don’t sweat it, he will bail at the border.”  
“Yeah, I guess,” she agrees, and Ian doesn’t know if he wants to throw up or cry.


	29. Ride until we die

“Are you sad?” Mandy asks, eyes glued to the wide expanse of clear, blue water. They’ve never seen water so blue before. The last time Mickey was in Mexico he didn’t even reach the ocean. Partially because he didn’t want to see it alone, and partially because he got really sick.  
“Why would I be?”  
“Dunno, because of everything that happened?”  
“Not really, no. You?”  
“Not at all. It’s beautiful in here, Ana will have a wonderful childhood.”  
“Yeah.”  
Mickey had no idea where they should go, but Mandy came up with Puerto Vallarta because she liked the beaches she saw on the internet. He doesn’t mind it, it’s not as big as some other cities he read about, but it’s big enough for them not to stick out like sore thumbs. And it already looks better than Chicago. A nice, clean start without the baggage that Chicago carried.  
He hugs his daughter a little tighter to hear her whimper in sleep. When he licks his lips they taste of salt which he finds strangely comforting. They will be okay, they can do it together. 

Mandy buys them a house. It’s cheaper than her flat in Chicago, and she still has a lot of money left. Some of it, she stole from one of her ex-clients. She says that even if he knew it’s her, he wouldn’t take it to the police because she has pictures, videos even, and he has a wife who is a grade-A gold digger and would suck him dry. Mickey is very proud of her.  
Mickey, for his daughter’s sake, decides against doing anything illegal. He has a clean slate, and he would be stupid if he wasted it. And Mickey Milkovich might be many things, but stupid isn’t one of them. Mandy decides that she will start as a teacher of English, giving private lessons, but she was always better with grammar. If he were to teach anyone they’d end up sounding like criminals. No university in the US would have them.  
Mandy tells him that one day they will open a bar, so he has to get a job as a bartender. But not just yet, he is still sore, still healing from giving birth, and Mandy says that he deserves a break. He never thought about it before, about needing a break. He’s been in pain for such a long time, that what he experienced during the pregnancy felt like a walk in the park. He isn’t used to Mandy being like this, it’s not in their blood, but maybe it’s the time for them to break the spell, and act a little more like a family. Maybe it’s freedom getting to her as well – no one knows who she is, and what she’s done to survive. To the Mexicans, they are just two gringos who are a little rough, but not that different from everyone else.  
Mandy takes him shopping, and he has to pretend that he knows or cares about the furniture. He can sleep on a bare mattress, he’s never had a nice bed and still managed to live for over twenty years. But Mandy glares at him until he admits that a king-sized bed looks pretty comfortable, so she gets him one. He doesn’t really have any money at all. Well, he has the money that Ian gave him, but that’s not for him, it’s for Ana. College fund or whatever she wants to do with it.  
He feels both guilty and ashamed when his younger sister buys everything they need, including a crib for Ana and new clothes for him, but Mandy… She looks happy. Her eyes used to be so dull, almost lifeless, when they were in Chicago. Now they’re so bright that people stop on a street to compliment her. They do the same for him, but he just ignores it, cheeks cherry red, but it’s from the heat. He thinks he can get used to Mexico. He mostly understands what people say to him, though sometimes their accents are weird. It’s not a problem, they are always willing to repeat what they said more clearly, so he can get it. They also never complain about _his_ accent, something he is a little shy about. Spanish sounds nothing like Ukrainian or English, but he will get there eventually.  
Mexico is sunny and a little too hot, but that’s only because they are used to the colder, darker Chicago. At least that’s what Mandy says, and he has no reasons to doubt her. 

Ian is the first one to get a proper job, but he also has real qualifications. Both Milkoviches are qualified to steal money and suck dick, neither of which seems appropriate anymore. That’s not quite true, Mickey looks at the olive-skinned Mexicans with their dark, smoldering eyes and his mouth waters, legs spreading on their own accord. He’s never been like this before. He always liked good pounding, but nowadays he gets half a chub just from staring at their postman’s muscled arms. He almost propositions him one day despite the fact that he has no idea whether the other man likes men or not. He is acting like an oversexed bunny, fucking himself with fingers and toys any chance he gets. It must be the hormones combined with the fact that the last time he’s had sex he wasn’t even pregnant yet. That’s the longest he’s been without fucking ever since he started at the age of twelve.  
He knows that Ian is eager to fuck him. Ian would fuck him hard like a fucking horse making it difficult to walk. And it’s tempting, they were always amazing at sex, it’s everything else that’s a problem. Just because Ian came with them doesn’t mean he will stay. Mickey is sure that the younger man will bolt the second he senses any difficulties. He just doesn’t trust Ian. He isn’t going to fuck up his daughter’s life over a guy who doesn’t even love them. The redhead can stay, he can do whatever the fuck he wants, but Mickey is going to stay away for as long as he has to.  
Ian made him soft, and in a way Mickey is grateful. Because of this, he can be a real father to his daughter, a better brother too. But it hurts that Ian did everything he wanted with Mickey, and then left. He liked the thrill of a chase, not the person he’s been chasing. For Mickey, words don’t mean much, and Ian’s always been all words, no actions.  
Without him there would be no Ana, though. And Ana is… She is perfect. Her tiny hands, feet, chubby belly and round cheeks. Her big, blue, curious eyes and a tuft of black hair right on top of her head. She isn’t fussy, let’s him sleep four hours a night, which apparently is a lot, and rarely cries. He can’t wrap his head around the fact that she came from his body, he never thought that something so good and pure could come from him. No one will never know about it, his thoughts are his own, he is not going to blab about her to other people, fuck no. But in the privacy of his own brain, he allows himself to have these thoughts. He’s already thinking about her future too, hopes she will be a lesbian. He might not like pussy, but women are so much better than men. Svetlana might be a bitch, but she knows how to get what she wants. And Mandy… He doesn’t even know how to describe how strong his sister is.  
Pussy will do Ana good.

***

If he has to be honest, Ian doesn’t want Mickey to work. He wants the older man to stay with their child and care for it while he brings the money. But of course Mick is no damsel in distress, and two months after they arrive in Mexico, he gets a job as a bartender. The bar is really close to the beach, so they quickly discover that the dark haired man burns instead of tanning. Surprisingly, Ian fares better, but his freckles come out to play. He used to hate them, as a child he looked like a lanky fucking alien with spots all over his body, but one evening Mickey stares at his shoulders and murmurs, “hope Ana gets some of those.” Ian’s heart swells with pride over fucking freckles, but he doesn’t say a thing, not wanting to scare the other man off. Ana is guaranteed to have some freckles since both of her parents have them, Mickey simply refuses to acknowledge his.  
Being an EMT in Mexico is more demanding, even though they do the same things, and his hands usually work on the autopilot, his tongue gets stuck, he mixes Spanish and English, so sometimes it’s hard to communicate. But his co-workers are understanding, and they speak a little bit of English too. It’s definitely not Chicago, but maybe it’s not a bad thing either.  
One day he comes back from work, exhausted and grumpy, and finds the Milkovich siblings sipping on their drinks – probably non-alcoholic for Mickey. It wouldn’t be unusual or weird if it weren’t for the fact that Mick is blonde. Really fucking blonde. They both are. Mandy dyed her hair lighter to match her brother’s, and Ian is inexplicably angry. ‘His’ Mickey has been replaced with this bright, blonde creature that will attract even more attention now. He is so beautiful that Ian wants to swallow him whole, so he can hide him from the world. He slams the door to his room shut, unable to stare at two suns brightening the living room.  
An hour later someone knocks on his door, and when he doesn’t respond, Mick comes inside with Ana in his arms.  
“You didn’t say hello to her.”  
“I… Yeah, well. Not feeling so well,” he immediately realizes his mistake when Mickey’s eyebrows draw together. “Not like that. It’s just. You are very blonde.”  
“Mandy thought we needed a change, as if we didn’t change everything about our lives,” the older man huffs a laugh.  
“Looks good on you. Beautiful.”  
“Fuck off,” Mickey’s cheeks colour a bit, and he bites his lip. He never knew how to take a compliment, not that he received them often.  
“I’m sorry. For everything. For leaving. I shouldn’t have made you think I will come with you.”  
“Yeah, it’s was a dick move,” Mick looks at Ana, who whimpers in sleep. “I always knew I’m not good enough, okay, but getting my hopes up was not okay.”  
“You are,” Ian says with conviction. “I was the one who fucked up, don’t blame yourself for the fact that I’m a coward.”  
“You needed stability.”  
“Yes, but who said I couldn’t have it here? I was scared, Trevor was convenient, so I forced myself to believe that you’re the bad guy.”  
“And I’m not?”  
“No. This time I played this role. I will never screw you over again.”  
“It doesn’t matter, Ian. You’re not here because I want us to get back together.”  
“Then why am I here?”  
Mickey just shrugs.

“I fucking knew Javier is gay,” Mandy complains with an exaggerated sigh. Her hair is still wet from the shower, and it’s dripping water all over the kitchen floor.  
“Who is Javier?”  
“Our postman.”  
“How do you know his name?” Ian’s seen the guy, sure, but he didn’t think he was supposed to ask about his name. He’s never read about it online while researching Mexico.  
“He is super hot, of course I know his name.”  
“And how do you know he’s gay?”  
Their postman chooses this exact moment to exit Mickey’s room, still buttoning up his shirt. With a bright smile he says, ‘Hasta luego!’ before leaving their house. It doesn’t take much to understand what’s happened, not when seconds later Mickey almost stumbles out of his room, shirtless and with disheveled hair. There is a bite mark on his collarbone, and he looks thoroughly fucked. He disappears in the bathroom, and Ian can feel his blood heating up. He left Chicago to be with Mick, and this is what he gets? Mickey fucking random guys under their roof? It’s fucking unbelievable. He is no longer hungry, he leaves his buttered toast and locks himself in his room to seethe quietly. In the past, he would make a scene. But now he isn’t allowed to make scenes because then Mandy will remind him, her voice sweet like honey, that he fucked up so majorly, that he is lucky she didn’t rip his balls off. She will tell him that Mickey can gobble on big, fat dicks, and he can’t do anything about it, if he still wishes to live with them. He made this mistake once, complained to Mandy about guys checking the older man out when they went grocery shopping together. He doesn’t need a repeat.  
His resolve lasts all of two weeks. Two weeks of Javier fucking Mickey like it’s his life purpose. At least that’s what Ian assumes from Mick’s blissed out expression every time the postman leaves. And because he doesn’t think that the older man, unlike Mandy, will hurt him, he confronts Mickey when they are home alone. The way he starts is less than ideal when he says, “I don’t want my daughter to get all fucked up just because you can’t keep it in your pants.”  
“Excuse me?” It’s a warning. Ian knows it’s a warning. He ignores it.  
“She will think it’s okay to be a slut because you act like a bitch in heat around every cute guy you see.”  
“That’s rich, coming from you. I see you have a very short memory and don’t remember all those guys you sucked and fucked in Chicago. I’m pretty sure you fucked twice as many dudes as I did. Also, please do share your thoughts on being a slut with Mandy, she will definitely appreciate it.”  
“Yeah, well, she isn’t the one fucking some random twink with Ana in the next room.”  
“Fuck off, you’re only saying this because you are jealous. Puerto Vallarta is full of fags, you will probably find some old balls to choke on, I know you like them,” Mick sneers. He tries to storm out, but Ian reaches out and pushes him.  
“What the...” the other man tries to say, but he pushes him again until he connects with a wall, Ian right behind him.  
“The only balls I wanna suck are yours,” he whispers hotly, already half hard. Mickey squirms in his hold, ass rubbing against his bulge.  
“Too bad you ain’t getting them,” Mick’s elbow feels unusually sharp when it punches the air out of his lungs, successfully freeing the older man. “Do that again, and you will regret it.”  
This time, Ian backs off. The older boy might have changed, but Ian would be a fool to doubt his strength. He already has another plan anyway, and he is going to implement it as soon as possible.  
Three days later he has Javier pinned to the ground, forearm pressed against the postman’s jugular. He doesn’t need to say much, they both know what’s going on. But he still takes his sweet time explaining to the Mexican why he should stay away from Mickey; what’s going to happen if he doesn’t. He is very descriptive, enough to make Javier whimper in fear. It’s good to know that there is sill Southside in him. He thinks they have an understanding, judging from the way Javier’s legs are shaking when he is finally allowed to stand up.  
Three weeks later and no Mexican twinks wandering around the house confirm this. Mickey doesn’t seem to notice at first, too busy being a working dad. And Ian really shouldn’t find it as arousing as he does. They way Mick is with Ana shows him a completely different side of the other man he’s never been fully able to appreciate. Debbie told him how Mick took care of him while he was manic or depressed, but Ian can’t say he really remembers it. It’s all blurry in his mind. So seeing him play with their daughter, talk to her like she is an adult, makes Ian fall in love, and lust, a little more. And he no longer understands why he needed to break up with the older boy. He had to grow up, but maybe he could’ve done it with Mickey next to him. It would, in the end, make everything so much easier and better. But worrying about it won’t fix a thing.

Ian used to have good reflexes and instincts because of ROTC. He has to admit they are rusty at best now, which Mickey proves by slipping into his bed and lying right next to him without him stirring. He only wakes up when Mick pinches his arm.  
Mickey’s pale face and ocean blue eyes are the first thing he sees after his eyes adjust to the darkness surrounding them. It’s possibly the best thing he ever woke up to, but it’s three in the morning, so he is a little pissed. At least until he realizes that the pressure on his hip is from Mick’s hand squeezing it.  
“You scared off my fuck, huh.”  
“Damn right I did,” Ian would give him the chin, but it’s ineffective while he is lying down, he doesn’t want to look silly.  
“Such a tough guy,” Mickey murmurs, hand slowly sliding down the hip and creeping towards his already slightly alert dick.  
“What… what is happening?” he asks through the clenched throat.  
Mick responds with a question of his own, voice low and seductive, “What do you want to happen, hmm?”  
“I want you to give me a chance, to be a dad and a partner,” Ian doesn’t want to cry, but his eyes burn, and he can feel tears trying to escape. He is definitely ruining what’s supposed to be a sexy moment.  
“Oh Ian...” Mick sighs before pressing his soft, full lips against Ian’s slightly chapped ones. It’s a warm, gentle kiss like they’ve never shared before. It doesn’t promise sex or a heavy make out session, but to Ian it feels like maybe Mickey is promising him a new beginning. He captures the other boy’s thick thigh between his, bringing their bodies even closer. They are rubbing against one another, and he’s never felt so complete before.


	30. The past will catch up

Usually, Ian is good with meds, he doesn’t slip up. But sometimes his organism revolts, and before anyone has a chance to react, Ian is crying himself to sleep or partying like there’s no tomorrow. It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen all the same. Mickey deals with it because he knows Ian doesn’t mean the things he does while he is manic. But it’s always different to suspect something, and to know for sure that it took place.  
So one day he finally finds himself sitting in front of a cute twink while Ian is asleep in their bedroom, body adjusting to the new medication, completely unaware that Mick’s heart might be breaking a little bit.   
“I knew where to go because we almost made it here, but he seemed to change his mind last minute, now I realize it’s probably because you were inside.”  
He has to agree with this assessment. Ian’s been manic about three weeks ago before he got depressed, Mickey remembers him going out early, even before he got home so that he wouldn’t stop the redhead. At least he had enough decency left not to fuck anyone in their flat. They bought it three months ago.   
He isn’t angry at the guy, at Eric. It’s not his fault, and he can see pity and regret in his eyes. It’s Mickey who should pity him – if Ian is the father then Eric will have to, possibly, deal with the bipolar disorder one day, and it’s not something he signed up for.  
“Do you have kids?” the twink asks, voice wavering. He is so soft and meek, if makes Mickey wonder if it’s what Ian really likes nowadays. They’ve been together for almost twelve years and a lot could change in that time.  
“We can’t afford in vitro,” is what he says, but the reality is a bit more complicated. Both of them are fertile, but there is something blocking the way to the ovaries which makes impregnating Mickey during the regular intercourse impossible. In vitro is really fucking expensive. Of course they could’ve done it instead of buying a flat, but then they wouldn’t have a place to raise their potential kid. It’s not a pressing matter anyway, they’re still young. They had to have their own place, away from their families, from the Southside, it was the priority.  
He learns that there is one more potential father who is somewhere in Europe at the moment. Eric hopes that he is the father, Mickey puts one and one together and comes to a conclusion that the other guy must be loaded. Who wouldn’t want a loaded daddy? Even if his head it sounds wrong and gross.  
“You have to know, before you do anything, that Ian is bipolar, okay? You know what that is?”  
“Yes, I’ve read about it before.”  
“Right. So he has it, and your kid might inherit it. He is a good guy, but you should know about it.”  
“This is what made him cheat on you?” Mickey wants to punch this dumb, nice kid for the pity in his voice. He is not doing this on purpose, but it feels like Eric is rubbing salt into very fresh wounds.   
Ian finally makes appearance, still looking half-asleep. He mumbles something before he realizes they have company. He doesn’t seem to recognize Eric which only confirms that he must have been really out of it when they fucked. Mickey supposes it should make him feel better. It doesn’t. He leaves the confused redhead with Eric and goes for a walk. He can’t do much else, staying there is asking for trouble.   
When he comes back, Ian is on him the second he closes the door, kissing and licking every bit of skin that’s visible, sucking a bruise into the soft skin of his throat. It’s supposed to be an apology, probably, and it almost makes him cry. But he doesn’t, he is not a bitch who cries over his boyfriend cheating.  
When they finally reach the bed, unashamedly naked, Ian murmurs sweet nothings. Mickey lets his thighs fall open, lets the other man stretch him with his tongue and then fuck into his receptive, pliant body. It’s as good as always, but for the first time he is painfully aware of the fact that nothing will ever come out of it. No matter how much Ian fucks him, he won’t conceive. When he comes, it’s the most lackluster orgasm he’s had in years, maybe as bad as the one he had with Svetlana, and that’s saying something. As if that’s not bad enough, Ian decides to make things even worse by saying, “I told Eric he can stay with us. His flatmate kicked him out when he learned about the pregnancy.”  
“Are you fucking serious?”  
“He doesn’t have a place to stay, come on baby, at least until the other dude comes back.” Mickey wants to say no, but he knows that Ian will ignore it anyway – he already decided that the twink can stay because there is a possibility that Eric is carrying his baby.   
He sleeps on a couch that night, still sore from their rough coupling.

Eric moves into their guest room ten hours later, and he really doesn’t have much. It turns out that he is also suffering from a pretty bad case of morning sickness, can’t really keep anything down. So far, instead of gaining weight, he actually lost it. So Mickey watches his boyfriend fret, buy a whole bunch of expensive food that he is not allowed to touch. It’s for the baby.  
Eric works part time as a server, so he is home a lot. He is usually there when Mickey comes back from work, yet they don’t talk much. It’s awkward when it’s just the two of them, so they try to avoid each other. When Ian is around, it hurts.  
Perhaps the redhead can’t see it, but Mickey has a very clear view on what’s happening. Before this whole mess Ian used to say that he is alright with not having kids, but now that there is a fetus involved, he is showing his true colours. It’s obvious that he is hoping the baby will be his. It’s in the way he talks about it, the way his eyes linger on Eric’s still flat stomach. It makes Mickey realize that he got it all wrong. Maybe the younger man’s been waiting for someone better to come.   
He tries to pretend that nothing has changed, but one day he comes home to Eric and Ian discussing baby names, and it feels like he is having a heart attack. He can’t breathe, the pain is so severe that he is going to collapse. He leaves before they can notice him and drives around the city for the next couple hours. Then he calls Lip and asks if he can stay at his place, at least for the night.   
They are not friends, but they’re not enemies either, and sometimes it seems like Lip understands him better than Ian.  
“So what happened?” Lip asks after they had two beers each. Mickey doesn’t know which parts he should skip, so he ends up spilling everything. He probably reveals too much, but the frustrations and alcohol don’t mix well together.   
“Well, shit,” Lip concludes after hearing the whole story. “That’s fucked up, this dude should have an abortion or just keep it to himself, who the fuck cares?”  
“Ian does,” Mickey laughs humorlessly.   
“Fucking Ian, always wanted a kid. Like, you could get a dog instead or adopt, or save up few more years, it’s not like your womb is going to fucking disappear. I’d chip in.”  
“Fuck off.”  
“No, I would. Why the fuck not? I’m not gonna have any kids, so at least you should.”  
They sit in silence for a while before Mickey whispers into his beer, “It’s just not fair.”  
“You’re right, it’s not,” Lip says softly, putting one hand on his arm. “You can stay here as long as you want.”  
Mickey leaves the next day because he decides that he is stronger than that. It takes Ian few more hours before he confronts him about his absence, he is too busy picking out baby clothes online. He doesn’t really listen when Mickey tells him that he crashed at Lip’s.  
Mickey would have never guessed that it would be a baby that destroyed them. Another man – yes, he could see Ian leaving him for someone smarter, better looking, more charming. But he never, not in million years, would have thought that an unborn child, a fetus, would drive a wedge between them. It’s all Ian wants to talk about, not realizing how much it hurts. Gallagher can keep saying ‘we, us, our’ all he wants, but it’s not, and never will be, Mickey’s baby. He will never have any claims to it, he will always be the angry, grumpy dude that hangs around one of kid’s dads.   
It hurts to know that he is not enough, that whatever they have pales in comparison with a prospect of a child. Mickey doesn’t want to be spiteful or petty, but it’s a bitter pill to swallow after he’s done so much for them. He is not even going to attempt to fight this losing fight, he can’t win against what Eric has to offer. Maybe, for once, Ian should fight for him. But that won’t happen.   
Three weeks later he packs his bags while both Eric and Ian are at work. There is nothing sexual between them, but Mickey can’t stand looking at Eric knowing, that there is a baby inside of him. It’s not fair, he should be the one carrying it; not a pretty, nineteen year old twink with no future.   
Lip offers him the bigger bed, but Mickey can’t sleep in it and not think about Ian. Not that he sleeps a lot. It’s incredibly lonely. During the day Lip is usually there, keeping him company, but nights are hard. He is used to falling asleep with Ian’s arms tightly wrapped around him or coming in late, trying, and failing, to spoon Mickey without waking him up.   
He tries to masturbate, but he ends up crying like a bitch when he realizes that one of his hands always migrates towards his hard, flat stomach. He loses almost seven pounds of weight in just one week.

Someone pounds on the door, and Mickey considers ignoring it, but then he hears Ian’s voice. The redhead has a spare key, so knocking is just a courtesy – if it can be called that with how much noise he is making.   
Ian looks like Mickey feels. Pale, disheveled, with dark circles under the eyes. He almost looks like crazy people in movies, but Mickey can tell it’s not mania.  
“Did something happen to Eric or the baby?” he asks, that’s the only thing he can think of.  
“Eric? Baby? The fuck do I care about that? You!” Ian’s finger stabs into his collarbone. “You disappeared, and I searched everywhere, went back to the Southside to ask Colin and Iggy, before Svetlana suggested you might be here! At Lip’s! Are you fucking him?!” the redhead roars accusingly.   
“Don’t be fucking gross, I’d never bang your brother, Jesus. I just couldn’t stand it anymore.”  
“Stand what?”  
“You and Eric playing happy little family with your fetus! I get it, you always wanted a child, but knowing that I can’t have it fucking hurts!”  
“What?” Ian instantly calms down, confused. “I… no? I thought that you’d want to keep the baby, get rid of Eric with some bullshit? _You_ always complained about in vitro being crazy expensive!”  
“’Cause it is! But it doesn’t mean you can steal a baby!”  
“Why the hell not? He could just make another one for free!” Mickey wants to stay serious, but when Ian tries to reason _stealing a baby_ with him, the only thing he can do is laugh. Laugh, until his stomach hurts and cheeks are wet from tears, while Ian stares at him completely lost.   
Mickey goes back. He always does when Gallagher asks him to. There are no traces of Eric left in their flat, everything looks exactly the same as before, and Ian explains that the rich dude finally came back. Things are still strained between them, and Ian does all those little things he likes to do when he feels guilty. Prepares Mickey’s favourite breakfast, does the dishes, buys him a new pair of skinny jeans (admittedly, they are more for him to be able to enjoy the bubbly butt, than for Mickey). While they have sex, Mickey doesn’t let him touch his belly, so Ian ties him up and spends half an hour licking, sucking and biting around his navel, turning the skin bright red.   
Eric calls to tell them that his sugar daddy is going to pay for the prenatal paternity test, and Mickey is grateful. It’s a waste of money, few more months won’t kill anyone, but he is grateful anyway. No matter what Ian says, he would rather adopt than have a kid that’s half Ian’s and half some other guy’s.   
It takes a while, but few weeks later he finds Eric standing in front of the main entrance.  
“Why are you waiting here? Ian is home.”  
The twink shrugs before handing him two envelopes. One is big, but flat, and the other is really thick and rather small, “I brought you the results. Luke is the father.”  
Mickey opens the bigger envelope just to make sure that Eric is not making it up. Then he checks the other one. It’s full of money. “What the fuck?”  
“I almost ruined your relationship, so it’s only fair I gave something back.”  
“What..?”  
“It’s for in vitro. You’d be really great parents,” Eric smiles at him softly, and Mickey doesn’t know if he wants to punch him or, even worse, kiss his stupid face. He settles on punching his arm without much force, it wouldn’t do to damage him now.  
He is so overwhelmed when he finally enters their flat, that it takes him full twenty minutes to tell Ian everything.


	31. Either you or me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LuckyShaz asked for Ian who wanted a baby so much that he kept removing condoms.
> 
> Buuut I changed it because for me it's rape, and I don't want to think that stable!Ian would do something like that. So it's still a bit ugly (tw. bipolar, dub-con), but it's different.

“I’m going to pump you full of cum, your stomach will be round and beautiful” Ian whispers into his ear, spit-slicked lips sticking to the warm shell. Mickey should have noticed then, it was the first sign, but he was too busy with his man between his legs, rubbing and squeezing, and fucking him like it was their last fuck ever.  
He should’ve realized when he noticed the slightly erratic behaviour and jerky movements while they were preparing food or playing with Yevy, but he hasn’t because recently he’s been working so hard that he is exhausted 24/7, and he falls asleep the second his head hits a pillow. Or a table, anything works. So he should have noticed, and he is sure that Ian’s family will have a whole lot to say about it, but he finds it hard to feel guilty. He can’t worry about his boyfriend all the time, it’s a sure way to run both of them mad.  
Ian thinks he is sneaky, taking off the condom when Mickey is on all fours, thinking that he won’t notice. But he does notice, he hears the distinct snap, he can tell the difference when Ian slides back into him, latex-free. He definitely feels it when Ian’s cum leaks out of his stretched ass and adds to the huge mess they already made.  
His partner never liked using condoms, so Mickey thought that all that talking about ‘filling him to the brim’ was just a newfound kink. He is on a pill anyway, he wouldn’t risk it. Children should be planned, he doesn’t want to end up like eighty percent of their neighbours, kids all over the place and no means to support them. Between the two of them they are doing really good, but he doesn’t feel ready. Truth to be told, he doesn’t think he will ever be ready. The thought of pregnancy scares him shitless, and he would be the second worst father in the universe, right after Terry. He can’t imagine taking care of a kid for at least eighteen years, and he doesn’t really want to. He doesn’t believe in this whole ‘passing on the family name’, there will be more than enough Milkoviches anyway, whether he has kids or not. And there shouldn’t be, God knows they don’t get anything right, ever.  
He finally notices that something is wrong when Ian hurts him. He comes home after twelve hours of work with only one break because someone messed up the documents of one of their biggest clients, and he doesn’t know if he wants sleep or food more. He doesn’t even consider showering, it won’t kill him if he does it in the morning.   
He almost walks into the bathroom door. Sleep it is.  
He is already sleeping when Ian barges in and doesn’t even try to be gentle when he starts ripping his t-shirt and boxers off.  
“Come on, I’m exhausted,” he groans, stubbornly keeping his eyes closed. He can feel Ian’s lips stretch in a smile where they are pressed against his throat, but it’s not supposed to be a game. He is not playing coy or hard to get. Sex is the last thing on his mind right now, he is sure his dick won’t even get up if he doesn’t get solid eight hours of sleep.  
But Ian’s hands keep roaming all over his body, trying to spread his legs. He fights it, but he is too tired to put up a real fight, so Ian shimmies between his legs and ignores it when Mickey clenches, when he tries to put a dry finger in his hole. “I told you to leave it.”  
“You won’t have to do anything,” the redhead promises, and Mickey never thought he would have to explain to his boyfriend that it’s not how sex works, he is not a blow up doll that can be used for its holes.   
There is a perfectly good bottle of lube on the nightstand, but Ian fucking _spits_ on his finger in his haste to fuck Mickey. And before he can really digest the whole thing, there are two fingers up his ass, stretching him open. Thanks to the vast experience he has it’s not exactly painful, just mildly uncomfortable, but he knows it’s about to get worse when Ian’s dick joins the party, so he reaches for the lube, but his boyfriend slaps his hand away.   
“Get the lube, bitch,” he says, but Ian just grins at him and says, “I’ll slick you up, alright.”  
Mickey grunts in pain when a hard dick slides inside him, and it feels so much bigger than it already is. He almost shouts, unused to the dry penetration. He thinks he can feel the skin dragging. Maybe he could adjust to it, but Ian doesn’t give him a chance. He starts pounding him like they’re doing a porno, pressing him into the bed when he starts squirming.   
“Slow down, baby, come on, it hurts,” he begs, but it falls on deaf ears, Ian’s too lost in his own pleasure to even notice that something is wrong.  
He is fucking manic, that’s what it is. Manic and hypersexual, treating Mickey like one of the boy toys he used to fuck in clubs. At least this time he stayed, but it’s difficult to appreciate when he feels like he is being drilled by a fucking machine. It seems to go on forever, with pills still in his system it takes Ian a bit longer to reach an orgasm. Mickey feels completely raw by the time the redhead spills inside his abused hole and falls asleep right on top of him. This part is fine, as tired as he is, he can fall asleep with added weight.   
He wakes up mid another impromptu fuck. His reflexes tell him to hit whoever is doing this, and his fist collides with Ian’s cheekbone before his brain can catch up. His boyfriend cries out in pain and uses all his strength to keep him down, shoulders pressed into the mattress. It’s another round of completely impersonal sex that he suffers through with his eyes glued to Ian’s. The green-blue eyes are the same as always, but it doesn’t feel like they are connecting at all. There is lust in them, but not a whole lot of love. Maybe somewhere at the bottom, where it’s too hard to reach. For the second time this night Ian comes with a grunt before he rolls to the side. Mickey knows he should clean up, but he is already aching all over and decides to do it in the morning. If he can move.

There is a hand resting high on his thigh, right under his butt, when he wakes up. “No, stop, I can’t again.” He is not lying, when he tries to move his ass feels like it’s been burned. He has no plans of moving anytime soon, even though he has to piss.   
He does move when he hears Ian sob. It’s quiet, clearly not meant for him to hear, but he immediately sits up to comfort his boyfriend. It’s a mistake, pain rips through him and he gasps, almost falling over.   
“What happened?” he asks Ian, whose face is wet from tears.  
“I hurt you.”  
“What? No!” it’s the first thing that comes to his mind, and while technically it’s not exactly true, he is not going to admit that he’s hurt. Not when it’s clearly making Ian distressed.  
“There is blood on your ass, Mick. All over your upper thighs too. I tore you.” Mickey doesn’t know what to say. It’s never happened to him, not even the first time he’s had sex with one of Iggy’s friends. He has to admit it’s a little scary. He can’t deny it either, since Ian’s already seen the damage, so he sits in silence watching the redhead cry.   
“I think I need help.” He can do this, he knows how to do this. He reaches for Ian’s phone and calls his doctor making sure that his side is pressed against his boyfriend’s strong, solid body.  
Three hours later they are sitting in the doctor’s office and Ian is crying again, explaining what happened. She looks at Mickey and he nods slightly, confirming that it really took place. Ian leaves with a new dose and a prescription for one more drug, but the doctor wants to chat with Mickey for a little longer. She asks him if he needs something for pain, and then if he wants her to call the police to report sexual assault.   
“Fuck no, I could have stopped him if I really wanted to.”  
“Mickey, I know you love him, but you can’t just keep on giving. Do you want to book a therapy session with me?” What he wants is to flip her off, but she is good for Ian, so he just scoffs and leaves. He doesn’t need therapy, he can deal with his own shit.  
It takes almost two months before things come back to normal. At first Ian is adjusting to the change in meds, finally behaving like his old self. That’s the easy part. The hard part is to convince him that Mickey doesn’t want to stop having anal sex with him. He has to heal, but when he is as good as new, Ian still refuses to come anywhere near his hole. The redhead is very passionate about sucking him off, but when Mickey reaches for lube Ian almost starts panicking.  
In the act of desperation he lets Ian walk in on him fucking himself with a huge, suction cup dildo and sends his boyfriend explicit sexts with images of his stretched hole attached. It finally works, and they are good again.  
For about two weeks after which Mickey starts feeling like shit. His stomach aches for no reason, he gets bloated after every meal, and sometimes he even throws up after perfectly normal and fresh meals. He refuses to make Ian worried, so he goes to the clinic while his boyfriend is at work. He is back before Ian, and when the redhead comes home Mickey gives him silent treatment.  
“What happened? What did I do? I’m taking my meds, I…”  
“You, you, YOU! You wanted a kid so much that you kept removing fucking condoms while you were manic and got me fucking pregnant!” he finally yells, no longer able to keep his cool.   
“I was manic, I...”  
“Yeah, but did you… Do you want to have a baby with me, even though I said I don’t want one?”  
“Yes.”  
“And didn’t you say, multiple times, that your feelings are still valid, even when you are manic?”   
“Yes, but...”  
“Here is your answer. Congratulations, you ruined my body.”  
Ian looks on the verge of tears when he says, “You can get an abortion, right?”  
“No, I can’t get a fucking abortion because the last possible date passed literally yesterday. So you will get your fucking baby.”   
Mickey storms out of the flat and goes to Iggy’s, where he locks himself in the bedroom and cries. He can’t be around Ian, not when he knows that his boyfriend is happy about the child. Mickey firmly believes that his body is his own, and the fact that there is a baby in him feels like a violation.   
If his mom was alive, he would call her. She wouldn’t win any best mother awards, but her heart was in the right place. Mickey doesn’t blame her for getting addicted to meth, not with a husband like Terry. But she always loved her kids, always tried to protect them. She would know what to say, how to comfort him. There is no one he can call who would understand. Mandy, once she learns, will think it’s great because she thinks that the sun shines out of Ian’s ass, and if he wants a kid then Mickey should give him one. Which he is going to do, against his will.   
He spends three hours trying to compose himself, if only to trick Iggy into thinking that everything is fine. It doesn’t work, and how could it when his eyes are red and lips swollen from crying.   
“Would you do something for me without asking questions?” he asks his brother, voice filled with desperation.  
“What do you want me to do?” Iggy readily asks, but his face falls when Mickey explains that he wants him to hit him in the stomach, hard. Iggy might not be the brightest bulb in the bunch, but he isn’t as dumb as everyone seems to think. “I could do that, if you are sure that’s what best for you. I don’t really wanna, but if I have to… It’s Ian’s right?”  
“’course it is.”  
“So maybe you should think about it some more, yeah? And then come to me again.”  
Two or three more days won’t make a difference, so he decides to do just that.

Days turn into weeks, and Mickey still hasn’t asked Iggy again. Not because he changed his mind, but because he googled 3 months old fetuses, and they kind of look like babies already. Alien babies, but babies all the same. So he lets it grow and avoids thinking about it. Which is surprisingly easy because Ian doesn’t mention it at all. It’s not only that. He also doesn’t make any preparations. From time to time Mickey checks their guest room, but it stays the same. There are no baby clothes or toys hidden in boxes, nothing. It’s weird, if it weren’t for a bit of sickness that still hasn’t left, Mickey would think that he isn’t pregnant at all.   
Then his body starts changing, stomach growing bigger and nipples becoming more sensitive. Ian takes to sucking on them until they’re bright red and puffy. Mickey’s never been into that, but nowadays he writhes on Ian’s cock and moans like a slut. After one of their slow, lazy fucks in the middle of an equally lazy day, he quietly asks, “Why are you not preparing for the baby? You haven’t said anything about it since the day I told you.”  
Ian tenses behind him, “I don’t want to upset you. The decision is yours, I thought that maybe you want to put it up for adoption.”  
“And you’d be okay with that?” Mickey asks disbelievingly. He reaches for his boyfriend’s hand without even thinking about it. There is a significant difference in size, and he kind of likes it, although he would never admit it to anyone.   
“Yeah… I mean. I already fucked up, I don’t want to pressure you into keeping it. I’m done with being pushy.”  
“Right,” Mickey snorts. It’s the funniest thing he’s heard the whole week. “You will never not be pushy. Maybe when you’re dead, but even then… Hey!” Ian pinches his arm _hard_ , and Mickey can feel him laughing. He moves his boyfriend’s hand towards his stomach. At first Ian is completely still, but then he slowly curls his big hand around the slight curve of Mickey’s stomach.   
“I shouldn’t have said all that shit,” Mick admits. “I can’t fucking blame you for wanting a child.”  
“And I can’t blame you for not wanting it,” his boyfriend is quick to add.  
“Yeah. Maybe it won’t be that bad.”  
“You’re going to be a great dad, baby,” Ian murmurs into his ear. “I love you so much, thank you.”  
Mickey is worried. He is scared. He feels many things he’s never felt before, but with Ian behind him he thinks that maybe one day he will learn to love their baby. Maybe even as much as he loves Ian.


	32. Surprise, motherfu…

In hindsight, Ian should have told Fiona. That would have been a sensible thing to do. But he wanted everyone to be really surprised, so he didn’t. And now he is paying the price because Fiona called Trevor to remind him about their get together, so the younger man showed up with a bottle of wine – of all things. Ian is already late, he should have told his family earlier, but he was too busy flat-hunting and making sure everything is in place. There were so many things he had to buy, not steal, and telling his family was not a priority.   
He decides to go with his plan anyway. He will deal with the consequences later, but right now he is so proud and happy, that he might just burst if he doesn’t tell them. So he stands up, opens his mouth and Trevor beats him to it by _dropping to his fucking knees and pulling out a ring_.   
Shit. Fuck. Motherfucker.  
Everyone stares at them and Ian stares at the ring. He would never wear this, even if he were to accept.   
“Sorry, I wanted to be first,” Trevor gives him a charming smile. “Will you marry me?”  
Ian doesn’t want to say ‘no’, so instead he blurts out, “I’m going to be a dad.” He immediately realizes that it is not, in fact, any better than simply saying ‘no’. ‘No’ would suggest that maybe he is not ready for such commitment or maybe there are some other decent reasons. His answer, meanwhile, suggests that he’s been cheating.   
“What? Who is fucking pregnant?” it’s Lip who breaks the silence, sounding mildly amused.  
“Mickey!” Ian tries to seem at least a little bit apologetic, but he knows he is radiating happiness. He can’t help it, he will be a dad soon. “He is five months along, and...”  
“And you’ve been fucking cheating on me! How long?”  
“Um. Like, four years?”   
Someone giggles. It sounds suspiciously like Carl, but it could be Debbie too.  
“Four years? Seriously? Almost the whole time we’ve been together? You were planning on telling your family before you even broke up with me?”  
“It slipped my mind, I was busy. Could you please stand up because it’s getting awkward.”  
Trevor almost jumps up and quickly hides the ring in his pocket. He looks like he is on the verge of crying, and Ian really doesn’t want any sad tears. It was supposed to be his happy moment.  
“I’m sorry, okay. It’s just. He is the love of my life, man, what can I do?”  
“Does he know you’ve been fucking me?”  
“Yeah, he suggested it. Wanted me to have a friend while he is away.”  
Fiona snorts into her drink, but Lip starts openly laughing, not really concerned with Trevor's feelings.   
“I didn’t know you were such a bitch,” Trevor spits out, eyes and face red. He storms out and slams the door, but he probably still hears the eruption of laughter that follows his exit. Gallaghers just lose their shit, Ian is the only one not laughing. Trevor is a cool guy, he does feel a bit bad. They were better friends than boyfriends, but maybe he should’ve suggested an open relationship. Not that it matters anymore, that ship has already sailed.  
“How the hell did you manage to impregnate Mick, there are no conjugal visits here? And why didn’t you tell anyone?” Carl finally asks.  
“I was sure you were going to disapprove. Well, at least Fiona and Lip,” he looks at them apologetically. “As for the sex part. Money and favors. Not as much as you’d think.”  
“So you still love Mickey?” Debbie asks almost shyly.  
“I never stopped, Debs. I was a dumb fuck, but I’m over that,” he smiles at the younger redhead. He knows that his sister always liked Mick, even when everyone else thought that he was the source of all problems. “FYI, he is getting out tomorrow. They reduced his sentence for good behaviour.” 

Ian spends fifteen minutes crying in his car before he gets out to pick up Mickey. They are happy tears, he is so overwhelmingly happy that he can’t help but cry. But he doesn’t want Mick to see it, doesn’t want him to worry. They haven’t seen each other, freely, in such a long time that his whole body is shaking with need. It’s not about sex. He wants to kiss and hug every inch of his boyfriend’s body. He doesn’t deserve this, his beautiful boyfriend should have kicked him to the curb years ago yet he hasn’t, and Ian couldn’t be happier.   
He told himself that he is not going to make a scene, but when he finally sees Mickey in his casual clothes, sleeves ripped off, he kisses the shorter man before kneeling in front of him to kiss his belly. It already looks rather big on Mick’s small frame, and he absolutely loves it.  
“Gallagher, come on,” Mickey mumbles, eyes and ears red from the embarrassment.   
“I’m sorry, but I missed you so much.” Mickey rolls his eyes before giving security guards a finger and waddling away. Ian takes a minute to stare after him adoringly, his man is so fine.   
It takes almost an hour to get to their new flat. He tries to concentrate on driving while Mick stares out of a window, taking in the world he hasn’t seen in too many years.   
The flat Ian picked isn’t anything fancy, but it has three rooms and a decent view. Neighbourhood isn’t bad either, and even though his boyfriend doesn’t say anything when he sees the building, Ian can tell from his eyebrows that he is impressed.   
Not so much when Ian picks him up bridal style and insists on carrying him through the threshold.  
“We’re not married, dumbass,” Ian just grins at him. “You’re going to break your spine. I’m fucking fat now.”  
“You’re not fat, babe, you’re pregnant with my baby. And I carried worse, trust me, you could never hurt me.”   
Mickey’s face softens for a second before he asks, “How do you know it’s your baby, huh? Could be some other dude’s, tough guy.”  
“Please, as if you’d let anyone fuck that ass in prison. Bet they were all surprised to see you have a bun in the oven.”  
“Never say that to me again. Bitch.”  
Ian suppresses a laugh and tries to walk slightly faster, his arms are getting a bit sore. He got them a big bed that neither of them ever had, it almost makes Mickey look small when he finally lays the older man on it. He joins him straightaway, spooning him from behind. They’re as close as they can get, touching from head to toes. And the amazing thing is that Mickey lets him do it, doesn’t even try to move away. They both changed so much.  
He presses a sweet, short kiss to his boyfriend’s soft cheek. He is a little horny, but mostly he just wants to cuddle with the other man.   
“I missed you like crazy. You have no idea how much.”  
Mickey takes one of Ian’s hands and kisses his palm before muttering into it, “I think I have an idea, Firecrotch.”  
Ian has never believed they would get there. Hoped, yes, but never truly believed it. The whole world seemed to be against them, and sometimes the problem was in them. Ian knows that it would have been easier if his own family wouldn’t make up excuses for him. He used to think that they were looking after him, but maybe they didn’t really want him to be in a happy relationship. After all, no one else was, so why would he be the only lucky one? Few years ago, when Fiona got blindingly drunk, she confessed that she was always jealous of his relationships. He was fucked up, he didn’t deserve all those good guys who were lining up for him. It’s funny that she forgot about Kash and Ned so quickly. But Ian doesn’t hold it against her, not really. Fiona’s life has been anything but easy, she has every right to feel bitter. In a family like theirs, sometimes it’s hard to distinguish love from hate.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“What are you apologizing for, Ian?”  
“Everything. I regret cheating on you, leaving you after you proposed, pretending that I was over you.”  
“I don’t… Let’s keep it in the past, alright? I don’t want to think about it.”  
“I know. I just needed to say it without anyone listening to our every word. I mean it.”  
Mickey squeezes his hand, and Ian breathes in his intoxicating scent. There is a hint of sweat to it, so he licks the pale neck to taste it. God, how he missed them. He wraps his hands around Mickey’s round belly, and feels their baby kicking. His boyfriend complains about it every chance he gets, calling their baby a fighter without a cause, but Ian knows that he secretly loves it. Mickey looks beautiful pregnant, and Ian thinks that maybe they won’t stop at one. Three would be nice, he just has to convince his boyfriend that it’s a reasonable number.


	33. Before you go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, but workworkwork. Also, it came out pretty long too (I like Tobey. Do you like Tobey? Tell me in the comments, after you've read it.)

When Ian starts hinting that maybe he should stop taking his meds, Mickey is far from surprised. Disappointed? Yes. But not surprised. His boyfriend always thinks that it will be different this time, but Mickey knows that the younger man simply hopes his disorder will disappear. Usually Ian is clever about it and stays home with him. Regrets doing it later, but he does it all the same.   
But this time things go south. Mickey is tired of Ian’s bullshit reasoning, and he isn’t afraid to say it. His boyfriend always repeats that honesty is important in a relationship, so Mickey gives him just that. It gets real ugly, and Ian storms out of their flat without a coat or wallet. No meds too, definitely no meds.   
He is gone four days.   
He comes back on day five, crawls into their bed at five in the morning, two hours before Mickey has to get up for work. He smells like booze, cigarettes and boys. Mickey knows that if he kissed Ian now, the other man’s mouth would taste of dick. So he doesn’t, turns his head away when Ian tries to press their lips together.  
“I’m sorry, baby, I fucked up.”  
“How many guys?”  
“Mick...”  
“How many did you fuck?”  
“Just one,” Gallagher says meekly before adding, “and I let one blow me.”  
Then he starts crying, but Mickey finds it difficult to care. He gets up, ignoring Ian’s quiet whimpers, takes his gym bag. Just before he leaves, he turns towards his boyfriend and spits out, “Take your meds today, bitch.”  
Then he is gone to sweat it all away. Funnily enough, it turns out that no amount of weights lifted can take the pain away. By the time he reaches the garage every muscle in his body aches, yet his head still feels like shit.   
Later, he goes for a drink with guys from work. They leave at midnight, and so does he. But unlike them, he doesn’t go home. He goes to another bar, this one is slightly closer to his flat, so he comes there pretty often. Often enough to know the bartenders by their names. It’s Tobias who serves him his first whiskey, “It’s on me. Don’t wanna sound like a cliché, but you really look like you need it.”  
“Can’t fucking deny it,” Mickey admits. He wouldn’t do it as a teenager, wouldn’t chat with a bartender, wouldn’t admit that he’s having problems. He is better now, can hold a conversation with a random stranger without offending him.   
They talk, he drinks, and the more they talk, the more attractive Tobias becomes. That’s not quite true, he could see the appeal from the very first moment he laid his eyes on the guy, he simply ignored it, just like he ignores every other good looking man. But he is drunk, and Tobias’ high cheekbones, gray eyes and witty comebacks make his cock stir. There are no freckles on the bartender’s face, his hair is so blonde that it almost looks dyed and when he smiles a small dimple comes out to play. Mickey finds himself slotting his finger in it, which makes Tobias laugh even harder.  
“I really shouldn’t, you’re drunk,” the bartender sighs.  
“You really should. I have no gag reflex.”  
Tobias chokes on spit and the rest is history. 

Mickey wakes up in a strange bed surrounded by even stranger, pale orange walls. He doesn’t remember every single minute, but he is well aware of what happened. And even if he didn’t, bruises, hickeys and soreness would be a dead giveaway. They fucked at least twice, and Tobias was really good. Mickey didn’t expect that, he expected some drunken, disappointingly quick fumbling. But both of them delivered. He made sure to prove his superb deepthroating skills, and Tobias repaid him by licking deep into his asshole before fucking him stupid.   
He lies in a stranger’s bed waiting for the regret to hit. Instead his brain reminds him of what Ian did, the choices he made.   
“I made breakfast. Don’t think I’m in love or something, but you’re getting breakfast in bed ‘cause I already made it, and you look like you don’t want to move. I’m a good guy too,” the bartender winks like an Internet creep, it’s a little funny.  
“Yeah, well.”  
“You can stay, if you want. For a night or four. I can tell something happened, you used to come to the bar with a tall redhead. Bad break up?”  
“We didn’t break up, though we probably should.”  
Tobias helps him sit up and hands him a tray with way too much food on it. There are pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, fresh strawberries and a cup of coffee, and Mickey salivates at the sight.   
“Can you eat and talk?” the other man asks, stealing a strawberry and a slice of bacon which he wraps around the red fruit. What a freak.   
He never really told anyone about it. Never thought anyone cared enough to listen. Maybe, if his mom was still alive, she would be the one he could talk to. But she is dead, and the only person who has ever asked about his feelings is this random fuck with hair so bright that Mickey’s eyes almost hurt from looking at him.  
It’s hard to stop once he starts talking, and at some point he finds himself in Tobias’ embrace with the other man feeding him strawberries when it gets too hard. He almost wants to apologize, but when he turns around Tobias kisses him. They share a long, strawberry flavoured kiss. He gets so lost in it that he hardly notices fingers sliding inside him to make sure he is still stretched from before. Tobias’ cock is long and fat, but the man is surprisingly gentle when he rocks into Mickey’s body. It’s not a race to the finishing line, it’s a slow dance that he’s never really experienced, and when he comes it’s almost too much, like the orgasm’s been wrung out of him. He laughs breathlessly, more than ready to fall asleep again.  
He decides to stay for at least a week. Mickey sneaks into his own flat while Ian is out and packs some clothes. He also leaves a note, Ian’s been calling and messaging him, but he doesn’t feel like answering. He can do a note, it’s simple enough.  
He doesn’t have any more sex with Tobias. If someone put a gun to his head then maybe he would have admitted that they cuddled in bed, but apart from that it felt like Mickey made his first real friend. It’s a weird, unusual feeling. The fact that it started with sex doesn’t seem to bother either of them. Tobey is easy going, fun and has a bit of spunk that Mickey can appreciate. While not exactly Southside, he can hold his ground and isn’t scared of _fuck u up_ tats, he also finds Mick’s grumpiness amusing. It’s a really fucked up way to find a friend, but Mickey’s never been good at _normal_.  
Tobey advises him to talk to Ian, if only to break up once and for all. As much as he hates it, it’s a good advice. It still takes him another week of the unanswered calls to go back home. The look on Ian’s face when he sees him is something Mickey’s never seen before. There is happiness, relief instantly followed by guilt and regret. Usually, Mickey would give in. Not because of the puppy eyes, but because he doesn’t want Ian to be in pain. But he is tired of hurting all the time. The time they spent separately made him realize that maybe the younger man’s been doing it because he knew that Mickey would always forgive him. No more of that, no more sacrificing himself like a little bitch to make his boyfriend happy.   
“I’ve been staying with a guy. We fucked,” he says bluntly, trying not to react when happiness disappears from Ian’s face.  
“You… Are you leaving me?”  
“Are you going to do it again? Are you going to accept that you are sick, and going off the meds won’t help you?”  
Ian’s lip press into a tight line, but after a beat of silence he gives a quick, determined nod. Mickey doesn’t know if he believes him, but that’s the best he will get anyway, until the next time comes. Or doesn’t. He will be pleasantly surprised if it doesn’t.  
“I should probably mention that I’m friends with this guy now. Tobias. I will hang out with him.”  
“Will you sleep with him again?” Ian asks sounding choked up.   
“Probably not. You won’t fuck any other guys, right?”  
“Of course not, I’d never...” the redhead doesn’t finish because it’s simply not true. It already happened, he can’t deny it. “I’m so fucking sorry. I love you.”  
“Did you get tested for the STDs?”   
Mickey sighs when Ian shakes his head no. The other man always hated it, but he is not going to touch him without a clean bill of health.

Chaste kisses for two weeks are not something they are used to, but Mickey needs more time to embrace what happened, make peace with it. He is almost ready to forget about everything when he starts throwing up. Every day, like clockwork, he wakes up at six and feels sick until eleven. Neither of them is dumb and Ian is an EMT, but somehow it’s Mickey who first realizes what’s happening. He is pregnant, and there is no way that Ian is the father. He could cling to hope or even pretend that it’s a possibility, but the chances are so small that he is not going to do this to himself or his boyfriend. The baby is Tobey’s.   
It’s only fair that he tells his new friend first. He wonders if it will be one of the shortest-lived friendships that ever existed, he wouldn’t be surprised if Tobias disappeared from his life after that. He goes to the bar, not wanting to make everything more awkward than it’s already bound to be.   
“You come here often?” Tobey asks with a smirk before setting a glass of beer in front of him. He really wants to drink it, but he is not going to be like his mom.  
“Ha ha ha,” Mickey rolls his eyes so hard that his head shakes. There aren’t many clients around, so he quickly blurts out, “I’m pregnant.”  
He waits for Tobias’ smile to disappear, but it only gets bigger, “I’m assuming, since you’re telling me this, that I’m the father, and you decided to keep it.”  
Mickey feels a bit unbalanced. He came up with many different, mostly ugly, scenarios, but it never really crossed his mind that Tobey might not be angry, “Yeah… I can’t do it, man. I have, in the past, when I was fifteen, and I don’t wanna again.”  
“No one is making you. From what you told me you are doing alright, financially, and I’m not doing bad either.”  
“You don’t have to...”  
“Obviously,” Tobias cuts in, “But I want to. I’m almost thirty, you think kids scare me? I love children.”  
“Thanks man.”  
“Don’t mention it. Now go home and tell Ian, I’m pretty sure you haven’t yet.”  
Mickey delays it for a few more hours. He goes for a walk and winds up windows shopping baby accessories. They don’t really stir anything in him, but he does know he will have to get everything in a few months. The pregnancy is still pretty surreal to him, he doesn’t feel pregnant. There aren’t any other signs, apart from morning sickness, so he can’t imagine a life growing inside of him. But, even more surprisingly, he is at peace with it. When he was fifteen he had a panic attack and almost threw himself under a car because it seemed easier. In the end, he didn’t have to use such drastic measures, Iggy helped him with money and never asked what they were for.   
When he gets home Ian is waiting with a dinner which almost makes him reconsider everything. He knows it’s supposed to be a romantic evening, his boyfriend loves romantic gestures, but it’s probably going to end as a shouting match.   
He is on a second plate of lasagna when he finally manages to tell Ian that he is expecting Tobey’s baby. Ian stares at him, smile slowly slipping off his face.   
“You want me to raise his baby?”  
“I can’t force you to stay, but I’m keeping it. The decision is yours. Tobey wants to help.”  
Ian doesn’t let him say anything more, he storms out of the kitchen and then their flat.

***

Ian is really fucking drunk when he knocks on Lip’s door. His brother is clearly annoyed when he opens it. He’s been asleep, but Ian doesn’t give a fuck.  
“Mickey is pregnant. The baby isn’t mine.”  
“He cheated on you?” the incredulity is obvious in Lip’s voice. It’s so tempting to just go with it, make the Gallagher ire fall on his boyfriend, pretend to be a victim. But he’s done it so many times before that he knows better. It’s still tempting, but even as drunk as he is, he knows better.  
“I went off the meds some time ago,” he hears his brother mutter ‘fucking hell, not again,’ but ignores it. “Fucked a guy. Fooled around with another. When I came back home and told Mick he disappeared for some time. Apparently he was getting fucked by some dude. Does this count as cheating?”  
“Fuck if I know what normal people think, but to me it seems that it’s your fault. You’ve been doing this to him for years, it was bound to come back and bite you in the ass. Pregnancy though… He doesn’t want an abortion?”  
“No, he would never,” Ian shakes his head. It didn’t even cross his mind, not after Mickey’s confession few years back when he was feeling vulnerable.  
“Well, fuck. You gotta live with it, man. Or not, you can always leave.”  
“I can tell you are already judging my potential choice even before I did anything. I can’t fucking leave, it’s Mickey, I made that mistake before, and I still regret it. But this other guy is apparently Mick’s friend now, so I will have to look at his fucking smug face. He fucked my boyfriend, Lip, the love of my fucking life.”  
Lip’s eyes soften a bit at that, and he helps Ian to the guest bedroom. The redhead falls asleep almost immediately after his back hits the bed.  
He wakes up in pain, but for a few seconds he doesn’t remember what happened the night before. Then everything comes crashing down. He already knows what decision he is going to make, but it’s still unfair that they can’t catch a break. There is always something messing their life up. This time, Lip is right. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it is his fault. He should know better. He _does_ know better, he will never be like other people. He was selfish enough to think that Mickey will always endure it. Joke’s on him, he will have to take responsibility for his actions, like a man.  
Loving a kid that’s not biologically his wouldn’t be a problem. He’s done this before, he would give up his life for Yev. It’s the other man that’s the issue. It seems like Mickey and this Tobias became good friends in a really short time, and that worries Ian. He can feel his blood turning green with envy, and it’s not a pleasant feeling.  
He finally comes back home with a stuffed bunny, it will be months before the baby will be able to play with it, but it’s a peace offering more than anything else. He still uses his words to explain himself, but the bunny definitely helps. It shows that he is willing to try.  
He is somewhat less willing when the next day he meets _Tobey_ who is all blond and bright, and _healthy_. There doesn’t seem to be any sexual tension between him and Mick, but they are having a baby together, they fucked many times. Ian wants to punch him. Wants to smash his handsome fucking face, wipe off the big, cheerful smile. This… Tobey walks and talks with so much confidence that for the first time in many years, Ian feels small. Usually, he feels at least ten feet tall, especially when Mick looks at him like he is the sun. But it hardly feels this way when Tobias jokingly pats Mickey’s still flat stomach or brings a wooden crib which looks like it came straight from the Northside. His boyfriend scoffs when he sees it, but Ian can tell that he is secretly pleased. Why wouldn’t he be? It’s a pretty sweet crib, better than whatever they would buy. They’d probably go for the cheapest Ikea crib they can find. Thanks to _Tobey_ they have a sturdy, fancy crib that will last for years.  
Ian has thought a lot about having kids, but he never really asked how Mick feels about them. He just assumed that his boyfriend doesn’t want them. He must have been wrong because the older man looks happy in a way that he’s never seen before. Apparently he doesn’t know Mickey as well as he thought he did. Sleeping in a bed he made for himself turns out to be really fucking difficult.  
And it doesn’t get better the further along his boyfriend is. The bump starts to slowly, but surely, grow and Tobias seems to be around all the time. Sometimes Ian comes back to a silent, empty flat, even though it shouldn’t be this way. But Mickey is out with _Tobey_ , buying baby things. They already have too much stuff, they don’t need any more. It’s not that Ian doesn’t know where it’s coming from. When they were young they were piss poor, it was especially true for the older man whose childhood and adolescence have been a long struggle with poverty. So Ian gets it. It doesn’t change the fact that he wants to be the one spoiling his boyfriend with gifts.  
They have at least sex twice a day because Mickey’s sexual appetite skyrocketed, but every now and then Ian has to hide in the bathroom because otherwise he is going to have a complete meltdown in front of the pregnant man, and that’s the last thing he wants.  
This baby is tearing them apart.

“You know I’m a natural blonde,” Tobias says while they are waiting for Mickey to come back with the Parmesan cheese for the fettuccine alfredo the pregnant man’s been craving. They both offered to go out and get it, but Mick just glared at them and muttered something about not being disabled.   
“So what?” Ian’s question comes out more like a growl than anything else.   
“So there is a pretty decent chance that our kid will be a redhead. Like you.”  
Ian freezes. He hasn’t really thought about it. He tries to avoid thinking about the way the baby is going to look because he is afraid that it might look nothing like his boyfriend.  
“No one will be able to tell that he or she isn’t biologically yours,” Tobey continues.  
“But they won’t, alright. They won’t be mine,” Ian spits out, tears already collecting in his eyes. “And you will always be there.”  
“Yeah. I’m not going away just because you don’t like me. Frankly speaking, I know you only dislike me because I slept with Mick, but whatever. I won’t leave, but no one else has to know that the baby isn’t yours. Family don’t end in blood, right? Three cool dads ain’t a bad deal for a kid.”   
“Why are you telling me this?”  
Tobias suddenly turns very serious, “Mickey thinks you are going to leave him. You’ve been pulling away.”  
“You are with him all the time!”  
“We meet once or twice a week, it’s not that much! You got into your head that Mick likes me better, but it’s not fucking true. He just doesn’t know what to do, and you are making it really difficult to fix. Besides, he is tired of fighting for you all the time, but he will never tell you this. Get your shit together before you completely destroy your relationship.”  
Mickey comes back five minutes later, cheeks red from the cold wind, and Ian finally notices how careful his boyfriend is around him. He focused so much on his own feelings that he, yet again, ignored Mick’s needs. For a second he considers succumbing to the sadness that’s creeping around the corner, but then he looks at Tobey, who doesn’t actually touch Mickey intimately, and decides to stop being a whiny baby.   
He starts with the baby room. They have a lot of stuff, but it’s kind of lying around in various boxes, so on his day off, while his boyfriend is at work, he decorates the room. After he is done it looks pretty cozy, if he can say so himself. Then he changes the sheets in their room and prepares dinner. Nothing fancy, he can’t do fancy, but he makes it from a scratch. When Mickey comes home he looks torn between happiness and wariness. Ian can’t blame him, he can’t remember the last time he made so much effort without screwing something up first. Did he ever, or was it always meant as an apology?  
After dinner they have sex on a table and Ian takes his sweet time pulling Mickey apart. Later they move to the bedroom for the second round, after which Ian lies as close to his boyfriend as he can, spooning him from behind. He wraps his arms around the smaller man, hands resting on Mickey’s bulge.   
“Are you leaving me?” in the darkness of their room Mick isn’t afraid to talk, it’s always been this way. “Is this a goodbye?”  
“No! I’d never. I made mistakes, and I intend to make up for them. It will take me years,” he kisses Mickey’s pale neck. “I wanted to apologize for my recent behaviour. My insecurities got the best of me, and I projected them onto you. I love you, and I will love your… our baby.”  
“I know it’s hard. I won’t blame you if...”  
“Don’t. Tobey helped me figure out my priorities. It will always be you for me.”  
“Okay.”  
For a while, they lie in silence while Ian’s mind is a battlefield. He isn’t sure it’s the right moment to ask, but the question keeps banging around, demanding attention. So he finally whispers it, eyes tightly closed.  
“Will you… Would you consider having a baby with me? One day? Even though I’m like this?”  
He doesn’t have to wait long for the answer, Mickey turns around so their stomachs touch – one flat and strong, one round and taut. “Of course I would, stupid.”


	34. If there is a will...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on a longer fic, but there is also a chance I will die before I finish it because I have too much work and not enough time. In the meantime, I decided to write a little something because there isn't enough younger!Mickey alright. Please someone write younger!Mickey. Plz.

It’s always late when he comes. Or early, depends on how you look at it. He comes in, locks the door, never puts the lights on. It’s safer this way, less conspicuous. He doesn’t sleep in boxers anymore, just a shirt long enough to cover most of his ass. Boxers were pointless anyway, didn’t provide any protection from the roaming hands or the hard body pinning him to the bed. He isn’t too loud. He can be, likes to be loud when no one’s around, but he knows how to stay quiet. He knows that a big, strong hand is the other alternative that he has. It’s all very well planned.  
This is why his father doesn’t know, doesn’t notice. Ryan isn’t really his father. His real rather almost slit his throat when he caught him with another boy, not even doing anything scandalous, not yet. Just some mostly innocent kissing. It was enough.  
Ryan took him in when he was fifteen, gave him a place to sleep and some unwanted advice. He isn’t even sure if Ryan likes him. He isn’t very likable, and he knows that the older man is helping him because their life stories are eerily similar. He uses the word ‘father’ because it’s easier to explain when someone asks.  
Ryan definitely wouldn’t like him very much if he knew that he is sleeping with his boyfriend.  
Mickey didn’t mean for it to happen. He might be an asshole, but he is not ungrateful. He would be long dead in a ditch if it weren’t for the older man. He wanted to live his life to the fullest, after years of repression, but he didn’t mean for Ian to happen. When two years ago Ryan introduced him to a new boyfriend, Mickey’s first thought was that _his hair is really red_ followed by _looks cocky as fuck and _he needs a punch to his smug fucking face__. Ian was twenty four then, eight years older than Mickey, twelve years younger than Ryan.  
He isn’t blind, he could see from the very beginning that Ian is handsome, but he would never… not even when it turned out that the redhead understood him better than anyone he’s ever met, better than his brothers or Mandy. When Ian moved in, after six month of a relationship with Ryan, Mickey thought that he would have another annoying flatmate who, maybe, could be a friend too. But then, one evening, they were playing Playstation in his room while Ryan went to sleep early because he just came back from a three day-long trip. Mickey can admit that he is a bit competitive, so when Ian tried to cheat, things got a bit heated and soon enough he found himself pinned to the floor by a smiling redhead. He grinned back at first, then realized that the hard thing pressing against his hip was not a controller like he assumed. It was the older man’s dick, but instead of apologizing or simply moving away, Ian started grinding against him. Soon enough, Mickey was naked under the bigger man, legs spread open and two nimble fingers shoved up his ass. He wasn’t a virgin, that ship has sailed long time ago, but he’s never had a dick so long and fat before. It hurt, it burned, but it was so good at the same time. He couldn’t breathe properly, Ian wouldn’t let him catch breath with his kisses. They fucked twice, the second time Mickey was on all fours, desperately trying to keep himself up. The next day Ian made chocolate chip pancakes and smirked at him while Mickey devoured his pile of food.  
Year and a half later Ryan still didn’t notice anything, and they continue not to talk about it. They are friends during the day, lovers at night. Sometimes Ian fucks him so roughly that Mickey can’t sit properly the next day. Sometimes, he is gentle and almost loving. It messes with his head. He is pretty sure that Ian loves Ryan, but when Mickey found himself a boyfriend when he was seventeen the redhead seemed jealous. He acted like a complete cunt around Alex, and when Mickey meekly tried to refuse him when the night came, he swears Ian fucked him open. He had no choice but to break up with Alex. 

__

Mickey is eighteen and pregnant. He never really thought it was a possibility for him. He knew there were men who could get pregnant, but he always assumed it wouldn’t be him. He used protection with random strangers he met, but Ian didn’t bother with condoms, didn’t like them, so it was definitely his baby.  
Mickey is scared. He should want to abort, get rid of a problem before his flatmates notice. One pill and he would be good to go. But he is already a little bit in love, his dreams are already filled with a child that looks mostly like Ian, with a little bit of Mick in it.  
He prays to gods, all of them, that there will be no morning sickness while he is trying to figure out how to move out before he starts showing. Ryan destroys his plan with a cup of strong, black coffee. Mickey used to drink it this way, but when Ryan makes one for him he doesn’t even get a chance to move away before he is vomiting all over the older man. Seconds later he is kneeling in front of a toilet bowl, puking his guts out.  
“We should get you to a doctor.”  
“I’m pregnant,” he finally manages to say before he throws up again. The following silence makes his skin crawl.  
By the time he is done, his face is red, covered in tears and snot, and Ryan’s left the bathroom. He dreads coming out, but he can’t spend the rest of his life hiding in a bathroom. When he enters the kitchen, he finds both Ryan and Ian waiting for him, sitting at the table. Ryan’s face is stern, Ian looks constipated.  
“Do you want to keep it?” his caretaker asks, and Mickey can’t speak, but he can nod. So he does, eyes glued to the table. He hears Ryan sigh.  
“Who is the father? Mikhailo, who is the father?”  
“I don’t know, some guy.”  
“I’m… disappointed. How are you going to support your child? You work part time, that’s not enough.”  
“Are you… kicking me out?”  
“No, but you will need diapers, formula, clothes. I’m not going to provide for you.”  
Mickey refuses to cry, but his eyes burn with unshed tears. It’s not that he expected Ryan to contribute, but the reality of everything if closing on him, and it’s already too hard.  
“M… maybe I’ll think about removing it.”  
Someone, probably Ian, gasps, but Ryan calmly says, “You do that.”  
Mickey spends the night alone. And the next one as well. He gets used to it after two weeks. He still wants to keep the baby, but when he asked his boss if he could work full time, she regretfully informed him that they don’t have an opening. He hopes that they won’t fire him once they learn about his pregnancy, it’s the least they can do. Despite looking like a thug, he is a good, hard worker.  
He could, of course, blackmail Ian. The redhead isn’t by any means rich, but he has a nice, steady income. Most people would use that, but Mickey is proud, too proud to beg for money. So it’s just a fleeting thought before he starts coming up with new ideas. He could move in with one of his brothers. It would be risky since their father knows where they live and sometimes comes over, but he could work around it. He is sure Iggy, the big softie he is, would protect his niece or nephew.  
Four weeks after his talk with Ryan, Mickey wakes up to shouting and, if he isn’t mistaken, tableware breaking. He slowly creeps towards the door and opens it carefully, just enough to be able to hear what’s the whole racket about. He doesn’t like the first thing he hears.  
“Did you rape him?!”  
“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, it was consensual.”  
“So you were going behind my back? How long?!”  
“Dunno, over a year.”  
“Mikhailo!” Ryan hollers. “Come here, you fucking slut!”  
Mickey considers his options and he decides that there aren’t any. He braces himself for a fight, even though he is sure the older man won’t hit him. When he gets to the living room Ian is pressing Ryan against a wall and for a split second Mickey thinks that they are kissing, but then he notices that Ian’s forearm is getting acquainted with Ryan’s throat.  
“Don’t call him that. He is not a slut!”  
Mickey thinks that he might be a bit of a slut, but it’s not the right time to contradict Ian, not when he is defending his questionable virtue.  
“You’ve got an hour to get out of my house, both of you,” Ryan finally wheezes out.  
Fifty minutes later Mickey finds himself standing in front of a house that used to be his home with nowhere to go. He tried to apologize, but Ryan wouldn’t let him. The older man probably thought he did it so he would be allowed to stay, but Mickey genuinely felt bad about the whole thing.  
Ian’s voice startles him when the redhead speaks up. He forgot about him. “I know that it seemed like I was ignoring you for the past few weeks, but I have a good excuse. I needed to find a new flat for us. If you will have me.”  
“What?”  
“I know I’m too old for you, and you probably just wanted to fool around for a while, but you can stay at my place.”  
“Seriously? You, not me, had a boyfriend this whole time.”  
“Yeah, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to spend time with you, if I broke up with him. I really lo… like you. I didn’t have sex with Ryan in five months.”  
Mickey doesn’t know if it’s true, but he also doesn’t care. It doesn’t bother him, he slept with other men too, he just didn’t bring them home. He wants to tell Ian about his feelings, but the timing isn’t right. The redhead will assume he is doing it because he has nowhere to go. Mickey knows the truth, but they will talk about it later. They have all the time in the world, or at least until the baby is born. He assumes his kid is going to be a terror, crying all the time. That’s what his mom used to say anyway. 


	35. We’re in it together

Lip is grunting quietly above him, strong arms bulging as they cage him in. He is stretched around Lip’s fat cock, his body molding to the shape of it. He lets out a whine when the head brushes against his prostate then gasps when Lip deliberately stabs it again and again. The other man laughs breathlessly before his slightly chapped lips press against Mickey’s in a bruising kiss that’s more tongue and teeth than lips.   
Mickey raises his hips and wraps one leg around Lip’s hips, bringing them closer. The angle is so good that he has to close his eyes. He doesn’t, can’t think about the way he must look, skin flushed red, mouth hanging open, moaning wantonly like a whore. It’s not his fault that Lip knows how to piston into him with just the right amount of force. Not his fault that he screams as he comes, cum hitting his chest. Lip licks it off, smirks at him and spits it into Mickey’s mouth. Mickey wants to smack him, but the other man is still pumping into him, so he holds on, shivering from overstimulation. He knows when Lip comes from the way he screws in hard one last time and then stays there, hipbones tightly pressed against Mickey’s thighs. He didn’t use a condom, again, because he likes to see his cum leaking out of Mick’s ass, likes to lick him clean. Nasty motherfucker.   
Lip is easy to be around, easy to fuck. He can be a complete asshole, but Mickey enjoys their easy banter. They met in a bar. It wasn’t even a gay one because Lip isn’t gay. He just doesn’t discriminate, so he wasn’t opposed to sucking Mick’s dick in a restroom. They’ve been fucking for months now, but they aren’t boyfriends. They hang out, have fun, they are close. But they are not boyfriends. 

Ian, despite having a cocky side, is sweeter than his brother. He likes to tongue Mickey open, pepper his shoulders with kisses before he pushes into the older boy. His thrusts are strong and fast, it’s difficult to be gentle when your cock is nine inches, but Ian likes to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, suck on Mickey’s lips while they are fucking. The one thing that Lip and Ian have in common is that they love emptying themselves inside Mick, pumping him full of cum. Mickey protests, sometimes, but it’s difficult to remember about condoms when there is a slick, nimble tongue up your ass.  
He was with Lip first, but Ian came over one day, unannounced, and saw Mickey lounging naked in the living room. Mickey stared at him with a smirk, then his gaze moved to the prominent bulge in Ian’s jeans. Lip didn’t mind sharing. Not that they really shared. Mickey was either with him or with Ian, never with the both of them at once. He wouldn’t be opposed to trying, but the Gallagher brothers weren’t too keen on having their dicks touch, even if they would be touching in him. Their loss.   
Lip told him that he was actually happy when Ian took interest in Mick because the redhead tended to date old, closeted fags or complete dickheads. Mickey took mercy on him and decided against mentioning that Ian probably still dated assholes because they were just fucking, not dating.   
Mickey doesn’t really think about his relationship with the brothers. His sister thinks it’s weird, but to him it’s the most normal thing he’s done after years of hiding in the closet because his father would tear him apart if he knew. He remembers being eight and hiding bags of heroin in his shoes right before the police barged in, searching the flat. That’s what most people would consider weird or disturbing, not him fucking two guys.  
He likes their arrangement because he never really had any friends growing up, and he knows that Lip and Ian consider him a friend. Sometimes, the younger brother looks at him like he wants something more, but Mickey pretends not to notice. They can be friends, but he is not a boyfriend material, not for Ian who deserves so much better. Mickey is a mechanic. It’s not something to be ashamed of, but Ian is an EMT and he always hooks up with guys who are either loaded or hold respectable jobs. Him dating Mickey would be one hell of a downgrade. 

Mickey doesn’t like Ian’s newest boyfriend. His name is Trevor and he is kind of skittish, but at the same time – uppity. Mickey almost growls at him when the guy tells them how Ian wanted to be friends at first, but he showed him that they are better off as boyfriends. He can tell from the way Lip is shifting next to him, that the older Gallagher isn’t very fond of Trevor either. The way this guy says it, it almost sounds like he forced himself on Ian, but instead of being at least slightly apologetic about it, he brags about it. Mickey likes Ian, he doesn’t want him to hurt, but he is not his brother, so he keeps his opinions to himself, hoping that Lip will share his.  
“I have no idea why you like bottoming so much,” the redhead says conversationally while they are making dinner few weeks after meeting Trevor, they’re bumping into one another with every move. Lip needs to move to a flat with a bigger kitchen or start cooking himself.  
“Why?”  
“It kinda hurts? And it’s not as nice as fucking someone.”  
Mickey licks some sauce off the spoon and shrugs, “That’s why you gotta prep well. And I like a bit of pain. You a bottom bitch now?”  
“Yeah, well. Trev doesn’t like bottoming, so.”  
“You know you don’t have to do anal to have fun, right?” Mickey asks, eyes zeroing on Ian’s.   
“I love anal,” Ian says cheekily, then he admits: “but maybe when I’m pitching only.”  
Mickey worries his lower lip between the teeth but doesn’t say anything. He keeps repeating to himself that it’s not his fight and that at twenty four, Ian is a big boy who should know better. He had his share of asshole partners who didn’t respect his boundaries, but he got rid of them real quick.   
“I miss the way your ass clenches around my cock,” Ian is suddenly behind him, whispering hotly into his ear. And Mickey… well, he isn’t there to protect anyone’s morals, is he? If Ian wants to cheat on a guy, he will do it anyway. So he finished chopping the onions while the younger man unzips his trousers and pulls them down with the underwear. By the time he puts the knife down, there are two, olive oil covered fingers stretching him, and he can hear the slick sound of Ian jerking his cock before he replaces his fingers with it. Mickey immediately starts grinding on it, knowing that the other man is watching where they are connected. He wants to give him a good show since Ian hasn’t done it in weeks. His moans are only slightly exaggerated. It feels good to be with Ian again, have him so deep inside that he can almost taste his thick dick. He moves faster, remembering that Lip will be home soon.  
Strong hand pushes him onto a counter, and he lies flat on it while Ian takes charge, rams into him like a man starved. Mickey is a cockslut, always have, always will be. There is nothing he likes more than a big cock screwing him from behind, so it takes him only few minutes to come all over the cabinet. He can feel Ian slowing down, so he eggs him on, “Fuck me, you bitch, destroy my fucking ass, give it to me, you pussy.”  
The redhead whines, hands gripping his hips even tighter as he slams his hips into Mickey’s ass. “Do it, do it, do it,” Mick chants, then almost cuts himself on a knife when Ian screws into him one last time before he stills and comes deep inside. 

“So I went to a doctor today, and I’m three weeks pregnant,” Mickey calmly announces while they are trying to decide what to watch. Ian and Lip turn to stare at him in disbelief. They probably expect him to freak out, but he is twenty five and has been sexually active for a very long time. He knew it would happen one day.  
“Who..?” they say at the same time and neither of them finishes the sentence.   
“How would I know?”  
“It has to be mine, right? Ian’s been with Trevor for some time now, so unless you’ve been fucking someone else without protection...”  
“I fucked him three weeks ago, in your kitchen,” Ian is quick to reveal, glaring at his brother, “so it’s probably mine.”  
“We fuck almost every day, so I wouldn’t be so sure,” Lip sneers.   
The brothers look like they are going to fight, and Mickey is genuinely confused. No one is panicking about a baby growing inside him, no one seems unhappy about it. On the contrary, both Gallaghers act like they want to be the father.   
“We both know who is the bigger man here,” Ian says condescendingly, and Lip stands up so fast that Mickey almost has a whiplash from following the move.  
“We also know who is fucking sick here, so it would be better if he wasn’t the father.”   
That’s a really low blow, and it lands where it’s supposed to. Ian pales and looks like he might bolt, so Mickey wriggles his way between the two solid bodies, his ass rubbing against Lip’s crotch while his dick presses against Ian’s. He stares into Ian’s soft, hazel eyes.  
“Don’t fight, it’s not a problem, hmm?” he murmurs. His body is moving on its own accord, trying to arouse his partners. “You’re both so good to me, fucking me so hard, filling me up like no one else before.”  
It doesn’t take long for Ian’s and Lip’s bodies to respond, and soon enough they find themselves in a bed that’s too small for three, fully grown men. They work around it, the Gallaghers make sure not to touch each other too much, but Mickey doesn’t even notice. He sucks and jerks, and licks. Rides on Lip’s cock while Ian fucks his throat, then holds onto Lip’s hips while Ian rams him from behind. By the time everyone comes, at least once, they are covered in sweat, spit and semen, and Mickey has never felt so sated before.  
“What does it matter anyway, hmm? One of you is the father, but you’re both going to help me, right?” he asks as he guides their hands towards his flat belly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, who is the daddy?


	36. The better one

Mickey’s stomach is pretty big for someone who is only five months pregnant. He is not an expert, but even people around him were concerned. For a while, they all worried he was with twins. One kid at a time is fine, more than that would be a bit too much, but the gynecologist told them it’s because their baby is on a bigger side. Doctor appointments are awkward with both Lip and Ian insisting that they absolutely have to accompany him. The first time it happened, his doctor gave him a long, slightly judgmental look, but he has no fucks to give. He is pregnant, there are more important things on his mind now than who is the other father.  
The best thing about being pregnant is that suddenly, everyone is treating him like a human being. Throughout his childhood and teenage years he was always the ‘dirty white boy’, Terry’s spawn, useless thug with no future. Now he is an accountant, yeah, that’s right, an accountant, and he is carrying a baby. Take that, Southside pricks.  
Ian and Lip, and even their siblings, mostly Debbie, shower him with affection and gifts. His baby is already set for the first ten months of its life, even though they don’t know if it’s a girl or a boy. He doesn’t mind either way, blue or pink, they’re just colours. Even his boss wished him well, and he is really counting on a big bonus this year.   
He still lives alone because he doesn’t really want to choose. The brothers no longer fight all the time, but there is this underlying tension that Mickey doesn’t want to exacerbate. Lip doesn’t love him, but if he moved in with Ian, it would make him feel insecure. Mickey isn’t sure how Ian feels about him anymore. In recent months the younger man’s been different around him, and he can’t deny that every now and then they make love instead of fucking. The further along he is, the more appealing being in a relationship becomes, but he really likes Lip, and now that he discovered feelings, he doesn’t want to hurt the older Gallagher.   
He decides not to think about it too much. His life is too good to ruin it by overthinking it. He enjoys having both of them at his beck and call. He isn’t overly nauseous, and his sex drive is even bigger than before. Which means that he usually has sex twice a day with two different men. It’s a pretty sweet deal, but Mandy keeps telling him how weird that is. Jealous, is what she is.

Ian is rocking into him gently, hands wrapped around his belly. He really likes to touch Mickey’s stomach, it almost makes him uncomfortable with how safe he feels then. His mother used to make him feel safe when he was really young, but after her death he was on his own, even though he has three older brothers. Ian’s broad shoulders and big hands make him feel small, despite the added weight. And his cock stretches him almost too much, which he actually loves. He is still rough around the edges, always will be. Vanilla sex isn’t exactly for him.   
Ian stays buried in him for as long as he can, Mickey doesn’t question it. He enjoys the deep connection. The redhead is all around him, in him, and he wants to fall asleep like that. But of course Ian has other plans when he whispers, “I want the baby to be mine,” and suddenly every muscle in Mickey’s body tenses.  
“I want it to be mine, I want you to be mine,” Ian continues, seemingly unperturbed by Mick’s reaction. “But at the same time, I think it would be good for Lip to be the father.”  
“...what?”  
“He probably didn’t tell you because he hates thinking about it, but years back he had a girlfriend who got pregnant. He was still a teenager, but he was really happy. Then the baby turned out to be half-Asian, obviously not his, and Lip had a bit of a breakdown. So being a father this time would probably help him.”  
Mickey was stunned. Did Ian really suggest that he should tell Lip that he is the father, even if it might not be true?  
“What if it’s a ginger?”  
“Debbie is one too, it must be from Monica’s side. We already discussed it few days ago,” Ian admits and lightly squeezes Mickey, as if apologizing for discussing it behind his back.  
“You are so fucking impossible, I know you really want to be a dad,” Mickey huffs, unsure how he feels about the current development.   
“Yeah, but I love my brother. And I’m sick,” Ian gets quiet for a few seconds, “but I thought that maybe one day you’d be willing to settle down with me and have another child.”  
It almost sounds like the younger man is proposing to him, but that can’t be true. Also, the fact that Ian thinks so far into the future, thinks about having a child with him, blindsides him. He thought that the other man’s been slowly getting there, not that he was already planning their whole life together. He turns around, Ian makes it slightly difficult with how tightly he is holding him – probably ashamed of what he’s said, and looks at his friend’s stupid, freckled face.  
“You’re so fucking… good. I don’t understand why you want me,” Mickey admits. He looks down at where their stomachs are touching, his much bigger than Ian’s. The redhead is all hard muscles, it makes his cock stir again.  
“You really don’t see how amazing you are, huh,” Ian whispers before he presses his lips against Mickey’s, who gasps because there is also a hand on his dick. Sneaky, ginger bastard.  
Mickey still doesn’t know what he is going to do. Frankly, he doesn’t want to make this decision, it makes no difference to him. He also doesn’t know if he is good enough for Ian, but he will enjoy his life minute after minute, without worrying about the future.


	37. So be it

Sex never has been so much effort before. His body feels heavy as he rides Lip. Before he was pregnant, he was wild and fast. Sometimes, his partners would tell him to slow down or they’d finish before they properly started. Now it’s a slow, languid rise and fall. Lip could help him, push into him, but he seems to be content with holding his hips to make sure Mickey doesn’t fall over. In this position, the added weight makes him feel everything a little more, so he doesn’t complain. At least not yet. He might bitch a bit after they are done since he is the one carrying all this weight all the time. But now he is enjoying this slow, sexual ride. His chest feels slightly swollen, so he rubs it and moans obscenely when his palms brush against his erect nipples. Lip _growls_ at that, and seconds later his hands start playing with Mickey’s nipples. Someone has a kink, huh.  
Much, much later, the upper part of Lip’s body is outside while his legs are still inside Mickey’s flat. The reason for is that he absolutely refuses to smoke around the pregnant man. It’s really nice, but Mickey told him to smoke in the kitchen while he is in his bedroom, completely safe from the second-hand smoke. Lip obediently went to the kitchen and then did that. Ridiculous.   
Mickey watches him smoke, wishing he could do it too. He is not going to do anything that could harm his baby, but he misses the way the cigarette smoke feels in his mouth, the way it smells. He knows that most people find it gross, but it always calmed him. He watches Lip inhale one last time before he tosses out the filter and comes back inside. Then he goes for a hug which Mickey allows because he misses smoking so much.  
Then Lip says, “I think you should tell Ian that he is the father,” and Mickey feels a sense of déjà vu. He immediately wonders if the brothers planned it, but that would be completely absurd.  
“Why?”  
“I was a dick when I threw the bipolar disorder in his face, and I thought about it later. Ian really wants to have a family of his own, and he is completely ready too. He has a great job, but I know that he feels his life is lacking something.”  
“What about you? Don’t you want to be a dad?” Mickey asks, remembering what Ian said about Lip’s ex. girlfriend.  
“Yeah, but I don’t love you,” he leaves it at that, but it’s obvious how this sentence is supposed to end. Suddenly, Mickey is a bit light-headed, so he clings to the other man.  
After Lip leaves, Mickey packs his bag and disappears for a week.

He temporarily moves in with Iggy. No one is going to bother him there, no one would dare. Iggy might be the most laid-back of the Milkovich bunch, but he is also a lot smarter than people give him credit for. And smart people are more dangerous than angry, dumb ones like his other brothers. But Mickey mostly stays there because Iggy does his thing, and doesn’t treat him like he is going to keel over any second now. It’s like nothing has changed between the two of them ever since they were kids, even though Mickey’s stomach is huge, and he spends most of his time resting.  
He doesn’t answer any calls, not from Mandy, not from Lip and definitely not from Ian. He needs to think. After a week, he packs his things again and moves back into his own flat. Then he calls Mandy and listens to her screaming for ten minutes straight. When she finally stops to take a breath, he points out that she could’ve just called their brothers, instead of calling every hospital in Chicago. Who does that, but more importantly, since when Mandy Milkovich is so worried about one of her brothers that she starts calling hospitals. The Milkovich family members disappear all the time, usually because they partook in some illegal activities. In any other case she would have more luck calling the police. Which she probably wouldn’t do because fuck the police.   
Lip doesn’t shout at all. He says that he is glad Mickey’s alright, and that he understands why the pregnant man disappeared. Which is worse than Mandy’s screaming, but Mickey would never admit that, not even on his deathbed.   
He doesn’t call Ian. He texts him to come over asap and waits. A part of him doesn’t believe Ian will come. The younger man might not seem like he is a very proud person, but that’s just a mask he puts on because he likes to play people. He is very stubborn too. He might not come, but Mickey really hopes he will.  
Mickey is sleeping when someone slides into the bed right behind him. His instincts tell him to elbow the intruder, but he is so big that it would hurt him more than the other person. Besides, he already knows it’s Ian because he recognizes his smell.   
“Did you pick the lock?” he asks accusingly.   
“Nope, Mandy gave me your spare keys.”  
“Mmm, fucking Mandy,” with Ian spooning him, all Mickey wants to do is fall asleep again. They can fuck later, but now he needs few more hours of sleep. And knowing Ian, he probably needs it as well.  
“You going to tell me why you disappeared?”  
“It’s because you and your brother are fucking ridiculous. He told me I should tell you that you’re the father. Does it ring a bell?”  
“No shit?” Ian’s chuckle tickles his neck.  
“No shit. He also told me you love me. Well, in not so many words.”  
“And then you disappeared, fuck!” Ian tries to pull away, but Mickey digs his fingers into his hand to keep him close. The other man doesn’t want to hurt the baby, so he doesn’t struggle too much.  
“I needed some time to think, and I couldn’t do it with you around. Your presence would impact my decision, and I’ll have to take care of a baby soon, so I really needed to think it through.”  
“Okay then, what were you thinking about?”   
For a second, Mickey is distracted by the gentlest kiss on the neck he’s ever felt. It’s almost too soft to notice, but he knows it’s there. “I think that I could love you. I’m this close to falling in love with you.”  
Ian lets out something that sounds almost like a squeal and hugs Mickey so tight that the pregnant man finds it difficult to breathe.   
“You’re going to squeeze the baby out of me,” he huffs out, and Ian immediately loosens his grip. Mickey doesn’t need to turn around to know that the younger man is grinning like a lunatic. “I’m sorry I disappeared,” he decides to add since he probably owes it to the redhead.  
“It’s fine. I’d rather you disappeared for a week than left me for good. Just don’t do it again.”


	38. We are who we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning - I know you're going to think it's pretty freaking sad. Because it is, I suppose.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm like... 22 600 words into another Gallavich fic that I'm writing, and it doesn't seem like I'm anywhere near the end. Send help.

Mickey was six when he first met Ian Gallagher, who was four but looked younger. Mickey doesn’t remember it, but there are pictures. For years, the redhead was kind of small and scrawny, and everyone thought he would be a beta or an omega while Mickey was supposed to be an alpha. More than fine with him, his dad would kill him if he were an omega. It wouldn’t matter that it was Terry’s genes, or that you can’t change your secondary gender. Terry’s sons could not be omegas.   
Ian is not someone who Mickey would make friends with as a teenager, but since they met as children, they kind of grew together, got used to each other’s quirks and particularities.   
During one of the sleepovers, when Ian is eight and Mickey is ten, the redhead says that they are going to mate one day and have children together. Mickey kind of thinks that Ian looks like an alien, but the younger boy is his only friend, so he doesn’t want to hurt him. To Ian, it means that he agrees. He kisses Mickey using too much force, knocking their teeth together. It’s not, by any means, a good kiss, but it becomes one of Mickey’s fondest memories. Things weren’t great at home back then, but his mom was still alive, so it was a little more bearable.   
When Mickey was twelve, Terry broke his arm for… nothing. There was a reason, he supposes, but it was something so insignificant, that he simply can’t remember what it was. He didn’t cry, even though it hurt so bad and it took his mom two days to drive him to the hospital because Terry wouldn’t let her do that earlier. Ian snarled when he heard the news, and it was the first sign that maybe this lanky kid would be an alpha after all.   
“I’m going to protect you, Mick, when I’m older and stronger!” the redhead said, and for some reason Mickey believed him. He looked at the arms and legs that were too long for the rest of Ian’s body and believed him.  
They were happy, for a while. They were so wrapped up in each other’s lives that sometimes it seemed they had their own world. It was completely innocent, or as innocent as it can be if you come from the Southside. They smoked, got drunk, but they never kissed again. Mickey should have known it wouldn’t last.  
Ian is fourteen when he presents as an alpha, while Mickey is still unpresented at sixteen. Terry beats him every other day because of this. It already shows that he is going to be a weak alpha, if an alpha at all. Ian doesn’t come to school for a week, and when he finally comes back he smells so strong and masculine that it literally takes Mickey’s breath away. The omegas, and even some betas, swoon when they smell the redhead. Two months later, Ian has a whole set of brand-new friends. At first, he tries to include Mickey, but it’s obvious that the others don’t want him there because he didn’t present yet. As if it would rub off on them and turn them back, what a load of bullshit. He doesn’t want to spend any time with them, but he misses his only friend. He starts skipping even more classes because seeing Ian during the breaks hurts.   
No one notices. Well, Mandy does, but she doesn’t say anything, just buys him a pepperoni pizza and pretends not to see when he checks his phone every ten minutes. He stops doing it after a while, Ian never texts.  
Mickey is seventeen when he finally presents. He already could feel in his bones that he will be an omega, so it doesn’t come as a surprise when one day he wakes up drenched in sweat and craving cock. His thighs are almost too weak for him to raise his hips when he tries to take his sweats off, but he doesn’t get to do it because Terry barges in with a frightening roar, and beats him unconscious. When he wakes up, he is lying on a bed in a strange room, naked. His hand trembles when he reaches between his legs to… He is bleeding, but it’s not from… not from _there_. It doesn’t feel painful or stretched when he touches the now-wet opening. He realizes he’s been holding his breath, so he exhales. It hasn’t happened yet, but it will, he knows it will. He has no idea where he is, who bought his first heat at the last minute notice, but he knows that he is going to get raped, and Ian isn’t there to save him.  
He could try to run, there is a window. But he knows that he wouldn’t be able to run far enough, he’d get caught, beat again, and finally fucked while unconscious. For some reason, he would rather be aware of it.  
The first thing he notices, when the door opens, is the smell. No, not a smell, a stench. It’s so disgusting that his eyes water. The man himself doesn’t look that bad, but his alpha smell repulses Mickey.   
“My lovely omega virgin, daddy is going to fuck you so good, honey. You will cry for me, won’t you? I’ll pump you full of cum like a cumwhore you are, my sweet slut,” the guy says. When he opens his fly, Mickey kicks him in the junk. He decided that he is not going down without a fight.  
The alpha growls and punches him in the face, right where one of Terry’s fists landed earlier. It stuns him for a few minutes.   
Not much of a fight then. The man bites at his jugular without piercing the skin, he probably isn’t allowed to mate him. That will go to the highest bidder, unless Terry decides to make him into a proper omega whore. Mickey closes his eyes when a huge, veiny dick pushes against his tightly closed lips. The alpha grabs him by the jaw and squeezes, forcing him to open his lips and take the disgusting cock inside. He chokes and cries, and prays for it to kill him.  
Suddenly, the door opens again and another alpha bursts in. Mickey knows this scent, he’s smelled it many times before. His assailant gets ripped off and thrown against the wall. Then, Iggy proceeds to maul the older man. He watches it with something akin to glee, and doesn’t realize he is crying until Mandy sits next to him, and covers him with a big jacket.

Mickey didn’t know that Iggy had friends who were… normal. But apparently he does because Mickey finds himself in a house that’s closer to the Northside than he’s ever been before. He has his own bedroom, and the house is owned by a pair of harmless betas. Mandy is staying in another room because apparently Terry’s sight and nose don’t work so well when he is drunk and forgets that his wife is dead, killed by his own hand. Iggy pays for the food only because the couple refuses their offer to pay rent.   
He misses two weeks of school and gets barely any sleep because nightmares keep him up. He is fine during the day, but during the night Mandy has to hold his hand and repeat, over and over again, that he is safe, they both are.  
“Ian asked about you,” she says the day he is supposed to go back to school. “Wanted to know if you’re okay.”  
“What did you tell him?”  
“I didn’t lie. Told him that some shit went down, and that we’re living with the Hoskins’ now. No details though. He was really worried.”  
“Too little, too late,” Mickey shrugs. It’s not Ian’s fault that he got assaulted, but it’s his fault for not being there for Mickey for the past few months. He could use a friend, but he didn’t have one. But maybe he actually has a family. What an unexpected plot twist.  
Everyone stares at him when he walks in. People turn around to look at him, even some of the teachers, and he doesn’t understand why. Mandy snickers next to him before she hits his arm and furiously whispers, “It’s because you smell so sweet. Like fucking chocolate frosting.”  
“No, I fucking don’t,” he frowns and tries to smell himself. It’s impossible, but he tries anyway. The fact that he can smell more than before makes everything so much weirder. He can not only smell who is an alpha, but also who is turned on. He knows they are aroused by him, and it’s really fucking bizarre. Girls used to find him attractive, but he never noticed because they didn’t interest him. But now it’s guys who try to rub against him while he walks by. It’s scary. It makes him speed walk to the nearest bathroom instead of the class.   
He is hyperventilating when someone walks in, puts a hand on his neck and starts to rub it in soothing circles. It calms him down after a while, and he manages to turn around to face Ian. The redhead looks great and smells divine.   
“Did Terry do it to you?” Ian’s anger smells like saltpeter.  
He forgot that there were bruises all over his body. He’s been avoiding mirrors recently.  
“Yeah, mostly.”  
“I’m going to kill him.”  
“Right,” Mickey snorts and shakes off the hand that’s still holding him. “Because you care so much.”  
“I made a mistake,” Ian says with a pained expression. “I’m so sorry I left you. I knew you didn’t like them, so I thought it would be better for you, if you didn’t hang out with them. I thought that being around so many people who presented was too hard for you.”  
“Sure, that’s why you stopped hanging out with me after school.”  
“I’m so fucking sorry,” Ian whines apologetically. He comes a closer, and Mickey expects to be scared, but for some reason he finds the younger boy’s scent soothing. They stand there with their foreheads touching.  
“I almost got raped, Ian. I almost got raped, and you weren’t there,” he whispers, eyes stinging with tears. It’s surprisingly easy to say, he missed his best friend so fucking much.  
“Oh my God, Mickey, Mick, baby,” the redhead wraps his arms around him, and Mickey’s nose presses against his neck. He is still so angry that he feels like he might burst, but Ian’s scent makes it seem like everything is going to be alright.   
“I’m the worst fucking alpha,” Ian sobs, and Mickey doesn’t contradict him. “I’m going to fix it, Mick. I’m going to fix everything for you.”  
 _Some things, though, some things cannot be fixed _, the omega thinks, but returns the embrace.__


	39. Left behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi?

It’s been almost five years, but Mickey Milkovich hasn’t changed much. If anything, he looks better now, than when he was twenty and still looked a bit rough, a lot Southside. Now, at the age of twenty five, he is beautiful enough to make Ian breathless. He stares at the older man, taking in his sharp jawline, smooth, pale skin and brilliant blue eyes. Mickey isn’t paying any attention to his surroundings, completely engrossed in his phone.  
It’s been five years, but seeing him again makes Ian’s heart beat just a bit faster. But it also makes him remember the pain and the disappointment he felt, when one day he knocked on Mickey’s door and discovered that the other man moved without telling him. Ian was sixteen then, and Mickey was his first real love. He felt so alone before they’ve met, and Mick’s disappearance felt like the end of the world. Well, the world didn’t really end, but sometimes Ian still thinks it would be better if it did.  
He thought he was over it, but apparently not. He is still bitter and a little bit in love when he sees Mick’s stupidly handsome face. There is no point in approaching the other man, or at least that’s what he thinks until a kid, no older than five, runs towards Mickey, yelling ‘daddy!’.  
In any other case, he would be fine with it. They haven’t seen each other in years, Mickey is allowed to have a family. Except the boy looks exactly like Ian when he was a child. There is no mistaking it. Bright red hair, the whole constellation of freckles on his slightly chubby cheeks… Only his blue eyes scream Mickey.  
Ian marches up to his ex, trying not to stare at the kid too much. It’s difficult, but he manages, especially when he gets really close, and he can smell Mickey. The omega’s scent still makes him weak in the knees. He wants to stay calm to avoid spooking the kid, but he still ends up growling, “What the fuck Mickey?!”  
The omega looks up, quickly pulling the kid behind himself to hide him from the aggressive alpha.  
“Ian..?”  
“Clearly,” he snarls. He is aware that people are staring at them, wondering if they will have to interfere, save the small omega from another crazy alpha. It happens. In fact, it happens every day. But Ian, as angry as he is, would never attack the other man.  
“What do you want?”  
“What do I want?! Are you fucking with me? I want to know why the fuck is there a mini-me hiding behind you!”  
“Not… not here, okay?” at least Mickey doesn’t try to make a fool out him him, doesn’t deny it. “I’ll give you my number, we will talk.”  
Ian wants to touch the older man. Wants to scent him. Instead, he curls his hands into fists and walks away as fast as he can.

He doesn’t sleep for a week before the scheduled meeting. He is busy with his classes, and Mickey works full time as an accountant and a dad, so they can only meet during the weekend. Ian expects, maybe even wants, to see the boy again when Mickey lets him in on Saturday afternoon, but the boy is nowhere in sight.  
“Tommy is with Mandy,” Mickey says. Ian vaguely remembers Mick’s younger, sluttier sister. She lived with her boyfriend at the time, so they rarely ever talked.  
“Tommy, huh. So he is my son,” he doesn’t have to ask, he already knows Tommy is his. He just wants to know _why_.  
“You were sixteen. Too young. I shouldn’t have slept with you in the first place, but pheromones are a bitch,” Mickey shrugs like there hasn’t been a connection between them. It wasn’t just lust, it wasn’t the fact that Mickey is an omega and Ian is an alpha. They were supposed to be mates. “I talked with your family.”  
He means Lip and Fiona, his siblings. They were the only ones who cared about him and were old enough to have a say in his life. Not anymore, not after everything that happened.  
“You talked with them, and not me?”  
“You were sixteen, still a kid. I was twenty, pregnant and unemployed. They said I’d ruin your future, and they were right. Look at you, studying to be a paramedic, you think you’d be able to do it with me dragging you down?”  
“I don’t care, I loved you!”  
“It was hard,” Mickey doesn’t back down, even though his omega instincts must be screaming at him to submit. “You don’t understand how hard it was.”  
“No! It’s you, who doesn’t understand!” he doesn’t mean to shout, but he does anyway. Hopefully, the walls are thick enough to mute their conversation. “Few months after you left I was diagnosed with a bipolar disorder.”  
“Ian...”  
“I’ve spent half a year in a hospital,” he talks over Mickey. “Do you know what they did to me? Do you know what they do to mentally ill alphas to avoid spoiling the genes? They fucking _sterilized_ me like a dog, so I wouldn’t reproduce.”  
For some, it wouldn’t be a problem. Not everyone wants to have kids, and many people would be fine with adoption. But no one would let him adopt. After he’s been released he’s spent almost four months crying himself to sleep every night, thinking about everything he lost. Fiona and Lip blamed it on his disorder, completely brushing aside the fact that everything he’s ever dreamed of has been torn away from him. Only Debbie and Carl showed him a modicum of compassion that helped him survive. He got better, because he didn’t have a choice. It was either that, or dying, and deep down he always hoped to meet Mickey again.  
“You have no idea how much I want to hate you for running away,” he finally says, voice cracking. “But I can’t, because you’ve had my child, and I can’t help but love you for keeping him.”  
He doesn’t see Mickey move because he is stubbornly staring at his own hands. He definitely feels him, when strong arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug.  
“Leaving you was the hardest decision of my life, and if I knew… It doesn’t matter, I can’t fix that. You are Tommy’s dad, Ian, so if you want to be in his life, you can. Bipolar, or not, I don't care.”  
The last of Ian’s anger melts away, and he buries his nose in Mick’s dark hair. He wants to stop crying, alphas aren’t supposed to cry, but he’s never been so relieved before. He knows that there is so much they have to work through, but it doesn’t matter at the moment, because he is a dad, and his omega doesn’t think he is less of a man because he can’t knot anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want to help me with [something?](http://dragoslair.tumblr.com)


	40. The one I needed

Mickey’s heart stops when he sees Ian. He doesn’t care if it’s possible or not, he swears his heart stops for a second and then starts beating ten times faster. Ian looks good, healthy. The last time they saw each other, the younger man seemed washed out, but he is back to his old, vibrant self. He is not alone, there is a cute twink next to him and a boy, around two years old now. The kid has Ian’s bright orange hair and is pretty cute. Not as cute as Mickey’s own son, of course not, but it’s difficult not to find his ex-boyfriend’s mini-me cute. Mick’s heart aches for his toddler, who is asleep in his stroller. Tommy doesn’t have Ian’s red hair or his hazel eyes, but he is still as much Ian’s son as the other kid. It seems unfair that the other child gets to have both of his parents.  
Mickey was there first.  
He wasn’t the one who slept with a taken man, quite the opposite, he’s been dating Ian for almost four years, when the redhead decided to cheat on him. Maybe it was his bipolar, Mickey never asked, it wasn’t important, because Ian never showed any remorse, when the truth came out. He probably wouldn’t have told Mickey, if it wasn’t for the fact that he got the other man pregnant, and the twink wanted… something, anything from him. Mickey was already pregnant, but he didn’t know it yet, when the other guy showed up with a much bigger bump.   
Ian gave him some money, the twink left, and they had a huge fight which ended up with Ian leaving. Later, when the doctor confirmed Mickey’s suspicions, he told his ex about the baby, not wanting to be a dick and maybe hoping Ian would step up as a father. But the redhead didn’t want anything to do with him or Tommy.   
So it’s unfair that Ian did, apparently, go back to the twink, while Mickey is struggling on his own, working two jobs and constantly worrying that he will never be good enough. He’s never been more grateful for Iggy and Mandy, but it’s not the same. It gets lonely, sometimes, especially when Tommy is asleep.  
He realizes he is staring, so he quickly turns to his perfect, black haired son, wishing the boy was awake, so he could see his brilliant blue eyes. He doesn’t want to move from his spot, it’s a nice, warm day, his only day off, and he wants to spend it with Tommy in a park, even if the boy can’t really appreciate it yet. He looks down, trying to hide his face, hoping he won’t be noticed behind the stroller.  
“M...Mickey?” he suddenly hears Ian say, after all his luck has always been shit.  
Mickey considers pretending he can’t hear him, but that would be plain stupid and embarrassing, so he raises his head to look at the happy couple. “Yeah?”  
“Hi, I haven’t see you in a while.”  
“Yeah, well,” he mutters, not sure what else is there to say. He catches Ian trying to look inside the stroller.  
“Is that..?” Ian asks, and it hits him that his ex has never even seen Tommy. His loss, his son is the cutest baby in the whole world.  
“My son, Tommy.”  
Mickey can feel the twink staring at him. They’ve met once before, so he isn’t sure the guy remembers him. He used to be angry, but he isn’t anymore. He doubts Ian told him that he has a boyfriend before they fucked.   
“He is… um… is he...” the redhead stutters, and it would be amusing, if it wasn’t so heartbreaking. “I think we could catch up?” Ian finally manages to say, and Mickey laughs before he can stop himself.  
“My number is still the same,” he says as he gets up, no longer enjoying the warmth of the sun. “It never changed.”

He gets a text from the unknown number later in the evening.

From: Ian  
 _Tommy is really cute. Looks just like you._

He is still thinking what he should say, when he gets another message.

From: Ian  
 _I fucked up, I’m sorry._

To: Ian  
 _It’s been two years, a bit too late._

Ian calls him then.   
“I was in a bad place. My bipolar has been acting up when we broke up.”  
“Really? Took you two years to get your shit together?”  
“No… Almost a year, though. And later… I told myself you were better off without me. I cheated on you, left you with a baby, I wasn’t good for you.”  
“You are right, being alone and working my ass off to support Tommy has been so much better,” Mickey says with as much sarcasm as he can muster. “I’m glad it worked out for you with the twink.”  
“Twink? Oh, you mean Joshua? We are not together, I’m just trying to be a good dad. And I hoped that maybe I could be a dad for Tommy too.”  
Mickey is tempted to agree. That’s what he wanted, after all. He wanted Tommy to have both dads by his side. But he is still hurt, it won’t change just because Ian decided he is ready to be a father.  
“I never stopped loving you,” Ian adds, when Mickey doesn’t say anything. “I thought about you every day after I got better. I know it’s unfair, but if you still like me at least a little bit, give me a chance. Please, Mick.”  
Mickey isn’t made of stone, but he is still tough enough that he doesn’t give in when Ian says exactly what he always hoped to hear.   
“I’m not promising anything, but we can meet next Sunday.”


	41. Chapter 41

Ever since he was a teenager, Ian has always been interested in older men. He lost his virginity to a thirty-something guy, over fifteen years his senior, and it set a pattern for his future conquests. They probably thought he was their prize, but it’s been the other way round. Even when he turned thirty, he was still attracted to the older men. But the older he got, the more disillusioned he became. The older guys were supposed to be more mature, but they were usually either closeted or desperate, neither of which Ian finds attractive. At least they show him what he does not want to be.  
He never really expected to have an affair with a student. His eighteen year old student. He is ashamed to admit it, but when he first saw Mickey Milkovich, he was sure the boy is going to drop out after the first few weeks. Ian grew up in the Southside, but he left it behind years ago. Mickey, on the other hand, walks and talks like a Southside thug. Ian braced himself for the endless stream of dumb questions during the Pathophysiology and Applied Pharmacology class he teaches, but what he got instead, is a bright student, who is going to be a brilliant nurse one day. A nurse, that was even more surprising.  
Ian didn’t mean to have sex with him. The boy is undeniably attractive, but he is so young and rough, everything Ian was supposed to leave in the past. He doesn’t even know how it happened. One second they were discussing Mickey’s paper, another Ian had him pinned against the desk, rubbing against his perfect ass. Then it kept happening, again and again, mostly outside the campus, in Ian’s flat.  
They aren’t a couple, but he doesn’t think it’s terrible news when Mickey tells him about the pregnancy. He always wore a condom, so it’s a bit of a surprise, but he knows that things like that happen, and they are no one’s fault. The circumstances aren’t perfect, but he loves children, and he always wanted to have at least one.   
“Of course it’s not a problem for you,” Mickey scoffs. “You are not like me, no one ever thought you are here to find a fucking husband, because that’s all you’re good for if you have a uterus.”  
Ian wants to point out that he could lose his job, but he realizes it would be inappropriate. At least he’s got a job, and he will easily find another one, because he’s got the experience, education, and he knows the right people. Mickey, on the other hand, is a poor student. And it’s not just that, Ian knows how difficult the pregnancy is, his younger sister has two kids, and it’s been nothing like the magazines describe. It’s not pleasant or easy.  
Still, Ian is sure they could make it work.  
“If you don’t give me money for the abortion, I’ll do it anyway. One way or another.”  
“Mickey, let’s think about it some more...”  
“I’ve known for two weeks, I’ve thought about it enough.”  
Ian tries to say something more, but the younger man just storms out of the office, and he can’t exactly run after him. He wouldn’t be able to explain it, if someone saw them.

“Are you sure it was fully… consensual?” Lip asks, and Ian is either too drunk or not drunk enough for that. He had to talk about Mickey with someone, he chose his older brother, because Fiona would just yell at him and then tell him to stop sleeping with his student. It might make sense, but… He doesn’t really want to do it.  
“What do you mean?”  
Lip isn’t looking at him. Instead, he is focusing on wiping the table where they spilled some beer before just to avoid eye contact. “He is a kid, right. And you are in a position of power, whether you see it this way or not. So I’m just making sure he knew he had a choice. I’m not saying you raped him! But maybe, you know...”  
Ian would rather not know, but Lip’s question isn’t entirely preposterous. He hasn’t thought about it before, mostly because Mickey might be short, but he is still Southside, and Ian just assumed it’s okay. He’s never been turned down before, so it seemed obvious that his student would also want a piece of him. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he forced himself on the boy, and that’s why Mickey’s reaction was so strong, when he learned about the pregnancy.  
It’s almost two in the morning, but he takes a cab to the campus and fifteen minutes later finds himself banging on Mickey’s door. The boy quickly opens and drags him inside the room.  
“What the fuck, Gallagher?”  
“Did I hurt you?”  
“What?” Mickey’s anger quickly turns into confusion.  
“Did you want to have sex with me, or did you sleep with me because I could fail you?”  
Ian’s anxiety grows with every second Mickey stays silent, but then the boy’s lips quirk.  
“I could beat you up without even trying.”  
Ian wants to be offended, he is in a great shape, works out four times a week – but he is not, because he is sure Mickey fights dirty.  
“I’m your teacher.”  
“Yeah, and that’s kind of hot,” the younger man admits huskily. “I’m too good, you couldn’t fail me if you tried. I just… I like you, okay.”  
Ian has never seen Mickey blush before, not even when he had a tongue up his pretty ass, but now Mick’s pale skin is flushed pink.   
“Why did you freak out about the pregnancy then?”  
“Because I’m eighteen? And, as far as I know, you’re fucking me because I’m young, and it gives you a thrill.”  
“You are the first student I slept with,” Ian tries to reassure him. “I don’t make a habit of seducing all the cute boys that come to my lectures.”  
Mickey gives him a small smile, before he turns serious again, “I already took the pill. It’s done, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”  
“Are you okay?”  
“I’ll sleep it off.”  
Mickey does look a bit tired, or maybe Ian is projecting his own exhaustion onto the other man.   
“Can I stay with you tonight?”  
It’s not very smart, he will have to sneak out without anyone noticing him in the morning, but it’s the only thing he can do for Mickey at the moment. It’s not much, but he wants to be there for him. And for himself as well. He didn’t really get used to the idea of already having a child, there wasn’t enough time for that, but it made him think about a possibility of having something more with Mickey. Maybe he’s been looking the wrong way this whole time.


	42. You and I, and...

Ian should’ve known that introducing Mickey to his family was a mistake. Or at least introducing him to Fiona, because Lip, Carl, Debbie and Liam don’t mind the fact that Mickey is Liam’s age. If anything, Carl is a bit too interested, but that’s not really a problem. Fiona, on the other hand, is acting like a bitch, scowling and acting like she is any better than Mick, as if she forgot that she has money only because of her husband. It’s not like they are rich, they just stopped being the Southside trash.  
Ian introduced Mickey as his boyfriend, even though they didn’t really discuss it. But he stayed the night Mickey took the pill, and then he never left. Well, he did go to work, but… yeah, he never left. Mickey is younger, their situation definitely isn’t perfect, but Ian is starting to think it’s the best relationship he’s ever had, so it hurts him that Fiona can’t be happy for him. And Fiona’s husband is older than her too, so it’s hypocrisy at its finest. Ian doesn’t want to start a fight, so he doesn’t mention it, but he can tell that his other siblings think the same.   
“Stop trying to touch Mick’s butt,” he mutters to Carl, when they are tasked with bringing wine and beer from the kitchen. Because they drink wine now.  
“It’s a nice butt.”  
“It is, and it’s mine.”  
“Sharing is caring?”  
“Fuck off,” he says with a laugh, knowing that his brother would never try to steal his man.  
“Don’t mind Fiona, he is cool, I like him. Very Southside, but you know.”  
“You like him because he reminds you of who you used to be, almost.”  
“Maybe, but it doesn’t change anything, right? And at least he can keep it up without viagra.”  
Ian punches Carl’s arm and follows up with a quick squeeze, thanking him. He doesn’t need his family’s approval, he is old enough to make his own decisions (and bear the consequences), but it does make life easier.   
He watches Mickey interact with his family, watches him play with Debbie’s kids and thinks that maybe this time he really got lucky with a guy.

/5 years later/

“I had the best sex of my life last night,” Ian says with a cheeky smile, and Lip groans in disgust.  
“Again? You do realize you can’t say that every time you have sex?”  
“Not my fault that I got some great ass yesterday, don’t be jealous.”  
“I’m going to murder you one day and feed your body do the dogs,” Lip threatens half-heartedly, before he goes back to sorting through the piles of baby clothes. There is a lot more than Ian expected, he doesn’t know where or why Debbie kept all of it.   
“Stop talking about our sex life, fucker,” Mickey waddles into the room, looking adorable in an oversized sweater and Ian’s old sweatpants. The pregnancy looks good on him, he put on a bit of weight, and Ian can feel his cock stirring just from thinking about Mickey’s thick thighs and his juicy ass. The best part is that, after the first few weeks, his boyfriend’s sex drive went through the roof, and they are having way more sex than he expected after Debbie’s horror stories. Mickey doesn’t complain too much, but then again, he is not someone who complains a lot in general, so Ian assumes it’s worse than his boyfriend lets on.   
This time, it’s not an accident. Ian doesn’t want to be an old father, someone who can’t keep up with his kids, and he has known for over three years now, that he wants to be with Mickey as long as the younger man will have him. They discussed it like real, responsible adults and decided that they are ready. Or, Mickey decided he is ready, Ian was ready years ago, but it wasn’t his choice back then.  
He worried that it will be more difficult now that they want it, he’s read so many stories about people trying for years before they managed to get pregnant, but it took them exactly a month. They still have four more months to go, but Debbie already brought them everything she doesn’t need anymore, and Ian is starting to suspect that his younger sister is a hoarder.   
“At least you won’t have to buy anything,” Lip, who volunteered to help, said when he saw Debbie’s husband bring everything in, and Ian decided against telling him that he already bought some stuff, because he wanted his baby to have new things too. He remembers wearing Lip’s, and even Fiona’s, clothes as a child and feeling like he doesn’t have anything of his own. He wants to give his child everything he never had, and then some. And he wants to spoil Mickey too. The younger man jokes a lot about his childhood, but Ian knows it’s just a coping mechanism. He vaguely remembers Terry Milkovich, but he’s never heard anything good about the man, not one thing. Fiona got drunk once and told him that Terry was the reason why she didn’t like Mickey in the first place, but that changed when she got to know him. She still isn’t his biggest fan, but at least she admits that he is good for Ian.  
“Have you decided on the name?” Lip’s voice pulls him out of his daydreaming.   
“Your dumb brother suggested ‘Albert’ if it’s boy, so I decided that he has no say in it.”  
Ian doesn’t really care for that name. In fact, he thinks it’s a really bad name, but Mickey is cute when he is annoyed, so he decides to defend his choice, just to see him all flustered.


End file.
